The front lines of the War on Christmas

I came home early from the WPBT Winter Classic in Las Vegas, so I could attend the annual Wheaton Family Christmas at my parents' house.

I absolutely adore my family, and I will drop just about anything so I can attend a family get together. The fact that it's Christmas just gave me an excuse to bring a really stupid White Elephant gift, and gave my brother an excuse to make his world famous Brined Barbecue Turkey.

This year's Wheaton Family Christmas was exactly like any other of the always-awesome Wheaton Family Christmas (WFC?) gatherings, with one exception that was so painful, I wrote an essay about it for Salon.com called The Real War on Christmas

This year it looked as though it would be a typical family gathering. But that all changed when I walked through the living room on my way to get some eggnog. I asked my younger sister, who was flipping through the channels on the television, what she was looking for.

"I'm trying to find Court TV," she said.

"Why?" I said.

"Because the governor is supposed to announce whether he is granting clemency for Tookie Williams at 3 p.m.," she said.

I was surprised to hear she cared, because my sister has always been pretty nonpolitical. "I don't think he will grant clemency...," I began to say. But before I could add, "because he's going to try to win back his hardcore base with this," she spat at me, "He'd better not!"

My sister was a death-penalty proponent? That was news to me. I didn't want to upset the family gathering, so I decided to just let this one go.

"OK," I said, "I guess we'd better not talk about this."

But just then, my father walked into the room.

"Wil thinks Tookie Williams shouldn't be executed," she said.

Oh boy.

"What?" My dad said. Not to my sister, to me.

Here we go.

"Well," I said, "I don't believe in the death penalty, so..."

You know those optical illusion drawings, where you're looking at a smiling man, then suddenly he's become a werewolf? Faster than you could say "Fox News," my dad was screaming at me, Bill O'Reilly-style.

"... an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth! He killed four..." he stabbed at the air with four fingers on his left hand, "four people in cold blood and deserves! to! die!"

I briefly made eye contact with my stepson, Nolan, who sat just behind my father on my parents' couch. His face flushed and he quickly looked away. My sister had stopped her channel surfing on a shopping network, and he looked awfully interested in putting a sapphire ring on easy-pay. While my dad continued to scream about biblical vengeance, I went into shock. Just minutes earlier, we'd stood together outside on the deck and laughed with each other as he congratulated me for a great finish I'd had the previous day at a poker tournament in Las Vegas. In fact, I'd cut my trip short, specifically so I wouldn't miss the family Christmas.

What a difference five minutes makes. While he screamed at me, I wanted to ask, "Who are you, and what have you done with the man who raised me to be tolerant, patient, peaceful and charitable?" Instead, I said, as calmly as I could, "Dad, I just don't believe in the death penalty. It is unevenly applied to poor people, and clearly doesn't work as a deterrent..."

"It doesn't work as a deterrent because they allow these scum to stay alive for 25 years before they give them what they deserve!" I hadn't seen my dad this angry since I was a sophomore in high school and my friends and I woke up my mom after midnight one night because we got a little worked up in a Nintendo game of "Blades of Steel."

"Dad," I said, "living in prison for 25 years isn't anything to be happy about..."

"Like hell it isn't!" he bellowed. "They get satellite television, and weights, and free meals, and jobs, and a library..."

"And raped, and beaten by guards, and sold as slaves by prison gangs," I said. "That really sounds good to you? Because it sounds like a pretty lousy life for violent criminals, which is exactly what they deserve."

He violently shook his head at me and drew a deep breath. "The victims' families get to watch that animal die! If they don't get to watch him die, how can they get the closure they deserve?" Before I could reply, and he could launch into another round of talking points, I was unintentionally saved by my brother, who called our dad to come outside and help him with the turkey on the barbecue.

He turned quickly, and stormed out of the room, followed by my sister.

To read the rest, you can get a free day pass to Salon by watching a quick advertisement. (Make sure you have cookies enabled.) You'll also get access to everything else that Salon offers for the day, too. I've been a subscriber for years, and my Salon subscription has out-lasted subscriptions to Harper's, Esquire, and The New Yorker, for what that's worth.

I hope you'll take the time to read the rest of my essay, and share your own stories about The War on Christmas (from whatever side you're on.)

I'm pretty sure this will stir up some very powerful emotions. Please think carefully before you post your comments.

Comments

[Elizabeth Sheryl]

Eeeesh, that is a tough one. Similar to what I've had with the in-laws and the Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas debate...which I'm much more diplomatic about than at my blog, hah. (sometimes computer illiterate relatives is a good thing)

I go back and forth so much on death penalty, because I know the rational points, and I don't believe people have a right to just put someone to death no matter WHAT they do..but then again my emotions want to "kill 'em" when I hear some horrible story about a child being beaten and sexually abused and all those other things we see on shows like Court TV. I think, though, the rational side does win for me on this one. Why do we need to resort to violence/murder to show that what this person did was wrong, we don't...it's just the passion and rage we feel when something horrific has happened.

[Khalil A. Cassimally]

"And raped, and beaten by guards, and sold as slaves by prison gangs," I said. "That really sounds good to you? Because it sounds like a pretty lousy life for violent criminals, which is exactly what they deserve."

I'm against death penalty for the same reason(s) as you are. However I don't think prisoners deserve to be raped and beaten by guards. Their life is lousy and yep, they deserve that but no way they deserve to be maltreated.

[Ruth]

my dad would probably do the same thing, so whenever he asks me political questions (because i'm the liberal of the family) i won't answer them cuz then i'll have to explain my every move to him. it's just bad.

[ZippyTX]

I enjoy reading your blog, even though you and I would probably disagree about most political/moral/religious issues. This is your place for expressing your views, so I won't even begin to try to debate the death penalty with you. But, if you are going to blame O'Reilly for your dad's thoughts on the issue, you need to be careful.

O'Reilly, the bleeding heart liberal that he is, is OPPOSED to the death penalty. He's very vocal about that. So, you can hate him for all sorts of reasons (as I'm sure you do), but he actually agrees with YOU on this issue!

[Khalil A. Cassimally]

And no need to watch the commercial on Salon to read the complete article. Just click on the "Print article" button and you'll get the complete version.

Wil probably knows about that but because he's writing for Salon he probably can't say this.

[StudioGlyphic]

Here's the question: do you support unfair punishments? If Wil steals a cookie and Wil's sister steals a cookie, should Wil get spanked 30 times and grounded for a month while Wil's sister gets telephone privileges taken away for a week? If you can't support unfairness for something this trivial, how could you support it in a matter of life and death?

[Livia99]

That must have been a painful moment for you. I'm sorry you had to go through it.
My own family is quite dismissive of my liberal views, or Commie talk, as they put it. I just go out of my way to avoid certain subjects now.
I still find it hard to reconcile the memory of the parents that raised me with the people that fear mongering has now created.
I hope you find an easier way to deal with it.

[ZippyTX]

Tookie didn't steal a cookie. He killed 4 people (at least) and founded a gang that has caused the deaths of countless more innocent people. A jury found him guilty and he was sentenced to death, based on the laws in California. Based on all that, he should die.

If someone doesn't agree with the death penalty for any crimes, they should be sure to elect state and federal representatives who will change the laws about how we should punish the most terrible criminals.

This approach of trying to avoid the execution based on behavior AFTER the crime just is not an effective approach. Everything was done here according to the LAW. If you don't like it, you need to work to get the LAW changed - not to try to circumvent the court mandated sentence at the last minute.

Regarding the racial issues that people have brought up...I don't know if the stats will show that more blacks are being executed than whites, or not. I kinda doubt it. But even if the stats do show that, it doesn't mean that blacks who have been sentenced should not be executed. All it says is that we don't need to be letting the white guys get off easy. They need to be executed with the same degree of diligence as everyone else.

So, I guess I'm on the other side of the argument..I say that we shouldn't let ANYONE off easy. The more liberal viewpoint is that we should let everyone off easy. (easier?)

[Limbe]

Wil,

I found this blog post excellent in rebutting pro-death arguments: http://sethabramson.blogspot.com/2005/12/what-death-penalty-advocates-want.html

[Manny]

Wil,
People change. Why is it when someone moves from the right to the left (ala John McCain)they're enlightened mavericks? When you go from the left to the right you become a pod person. Your parents grew up. Dennis Hopper SOBERED UP. I got a job, got a check and registered GOP within the year.

Besides, try being a New York Mets fan and a Republican in a family of NY Yankee fans and democrats. It ain't easy.

Take care
Manny

PS - Bill O'Reilly is AGAINST the death penalty. So put down the kool aid on that point. Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!

[Matthew Cox]

"I want to make something clear, here: I know I'm not the only 33-year-old liberal who has watched his parents grow older and more conservative."

It's hard for me to say if this is the case in my family - my father passed away when I was 15 and my parents never had the first inkling of a political discussion with me during the formative years. I don't know how, or if, they voted, but in the last couple years my mother has started walking the plank - she doesn't trust Bush, but she's convinced all the 9/11 hijackers were Iraqi. ("Where'd you hear that?" "On Fox." "Ahhh - you know they were predominantly Saudi Arabian in reality?" "Ehh, they're all the same")

The upshot of all of this is that I never got any of the family indoctrination one way or another and was able to formulate my own views, which I think lay somewhere between the extremes of the right and left which get all the media time these days. Republicans would call me an American-hating liberal and Democrats would suspect me of being part of the VRWC, but the only political ideal I ever took in whole from someone else was from Douglas Adams, who wrote that you should never trust anyone who wants to be elected President. Sure, he was referring to the Galaxy, but the notion scales down well (and I'm not sure our current President believes in the Galaxy - the jury's still out on that)

However, if we are all doomed to become more conservative (or more liberal) as we get older, then we should all be packed off to the centers and turned into Soylent Green at the appropriate time.

The hardest part is not knowing what's worse - the alleged "leaders" from both sides of the partisan divide who are capable of nothing but incompetence, or the browbeaten citizenry that treats them like rock stars instead of the true employees they are.

[Kevin]

Manny,

where do you get the strange idea that John McCain has moved to the left?

He has endorsed teaching so-called "intelligent design" in public schools!

[K2]

Am I the only one who can't get the Salon page to work?

I've tried both Firefox and IE and when I click on the daypass link, all I get is a blank page.

Its frustrating, because I really want to read the article!

[Chuck]

Regarding Salon, I think I signed up for it once after you recommended it on WWDN. I've turned on a couple of friends to it, and they're fans of it also. I think it's cool you wrote an article for them.

Oh, BTW, they no longer have weights in California prisons. Got rid of them some years ago due to cops complaining about how big the inmates were when they were released.

Family arguments are always the hardest ones, no matter what the subject. Hope you worked things out with your Dad later.

[oregonchick]

I'm sorry that you had to experience that - particularly during the holidays, in front of Nolan. I'm wishy-washy on the death penalty myself; part of me can't justify it and feels it's immoral and illogical, but the other part - the irrational, vengeful part - thinks, "It's what they deserve!"

I'm lucky that my parents have stayed fairly liberal and know me well enough to realize that a tirade will only make me more stubborn. But my extended family is a whole different matter, so I consciously do NOT talk politics with them. It's so not worth it - you aren't going to convince them, they aren't going to convince you, and the effort does little but bring up hard feelings.

I hope the rest of your holidays reflect the "peace, love, and joy" that we hope for during this season.

[wbwither]

It's funny because really the only way to have an intelligent discussion about this kind of subject is for neither party to get self-righteous about it. It sounds like your dad crossed the line first, but your reaction ("Where's the compassionate person I once knew?" -- indicating that you feel compassion is incompatible with support for the death penalty, even though your arguments are about practical matters (deterrence, poor people, etc.)) clearly shows that you feel the same way, even if your debating style is toned down. It's an issue with which both you and your father are emotionally involved, rather than logical and removed. It's hard to get anywhere in such a situation. Both sides just end up feeling bad.

But that's not the way it should be. It's a matter of public policy, and therefore something that's up for reasonable debate. There are arguments to be made for both sides, and just because one supports one side or the other doesn't mean that one has been "brainwashed." I could just as easily call you brainwashed by the left wing. It sounds like you're a DNC talking point podperson when you wheel out the "poor people" and "deterrent" arguments.

Just to briefly talk about the deterrent argument: it's a red herring. Nobody commits a murder thinking that they will get caught. They think they will get away with it. That is, if they think that far ahead at all. They're called "crimes of passion" for a reason. So for one side to argue that death/prison/whatever is an effective deterrent, and the other side to argue the opposite -- it's pointless. The real point of prison and the death penalty is to remove criminals from society (hopefully for long enough that they'll mellow out) and possibly from the gene pool. It's not to deter crimes, although that might be a side effect.

And I strongly feel that the epidemic of rape and other abhorrent behavior in prison is far more of a problem in our society (and our criminal justice system) than the death penalty. How many prisoners are there right now, subject to rape and God knows what else? Millions. How many are executed? A few dozen a year, at most? Drop in the bucket. More people are killed by lightning each year in the US (average of 82 per year, 1980-1995) than by the death penalty (65 in 2003). And frankly, I'd prefer to be executed on the spot in the courtroom rather than be subjected to repeated ass-raping in a prison. That's incredibly cruel and unusual punishment as far as I'm concerned.

[Absinthe]

We need to have a meaningful discussion in this country (something other than a screaming match) about what prison is for. If it's solely punitive, there's little point in ever letting anyone out. People can call me a bleeding-heart liberal all they want, but I've actually visited a maximum-security prison and done a fair amount of research on the issue; money spent on prisoner amenities (and, more specifically, on job training and - no kidding - art appreciation) reduces recidivism once prisoners are out as well as violence behind bars. So a little kindness toward a criminal a) makes it safer and cheaper to keep them incarcerated, and b) makes it less likely that you'll be mugged at the ATM in the future. (Incidentally, the reason they got rid of weights in California prisons has nothing to do with how well-toned the inmates are - it's because they were usable as weapons. Clever inmates get by with Hefty bags filled with water. Those guys are all friggin' MacGyver.)

As far as the death penalty goes, I'm against it. I would be even if we didn't occasionally execute, you know, someone who hadn't committed the crime of which they were convicted. But since we do that with appalling regularity, I gotta say it's an omelette that I am just not interested in making.

Zippy, there are obviously many, many people who work diligently to change the laws that allow executions. It's hard to get anything done in California - the prison guards' lobbying group is the most powerful in the state by a long shot. Regardless, the privilege of the executive to offer clemency is perfectly legal as well, or else nobody would have asked the Governator about it in the first place. I gather from your comments that you don't think much of the possibility of redemption, so good luck, and here's hoping you never need it.

[Spudnuts]

TVsWW, you just got a taste of the family buzzsaw, yo.

I know what you mean. I'm here in PV for a bit with the family. And so far, I've heard remarks about them Mexicans, Thai women, Chinese Buddhists destroying Christmas, black gangstas, on and on. I didn't think my family was racist, but guess what...

They is.

And I have also been running into some really nasty almost-glee at the death of Tookie Williams. Our nation is sick, bro. Me and you. And our families. I mean New Orleans is being ethnically cleansed as we speak and most Americans can't seem to care. They've sent their blankets, canned food, or $25 donations to Some Charitable Non-Profit With Pictures of Poor Kids.

Not only is racism alive and well in our nation, it is as strong and vibrant as it has ever been.

Imo say this again (cuz it's true)... the only reason we are even marginally concerned with the fiasco in Iraq is because American soldiers are dying in unacceptable numbers. If we had lost 100 troops up to now and 1,000,000 Iraqis were dead, I can tell you for absolute gospel that America would hardly notice.

2,000,000?

3,000,000?

No.

We killed that many in Vietnam and to this day all of the books, films, and television programs focus on the psychological turmoil of returning troops.

3,000,000 dead Asians?

Whatever.

Freedom is on the march.

They're not real people.

Americans from the left and the right say that every day. "They're not like us." Dems say that as much as Republicans sadly.

The other thing is this ridiculous "War on Christmas" meme that has so transparently been manufactured to cover up the Alito nomination, Iraq, and Bush's wiretapping. My family has always voted straight Dem. It's not an exagerration to say they absolutely despise the GOP. But since I've been here this inane War on Christmas keeps coming up and I wonder where the hell they get it. They don't watch Fox. But CNN and just about everyone else is riding it too.

You see, even though they are registered Dems, they are really Republicans. Or more specifically, pro-empire. That's the Lieberman Factor. If you really objectively look at the mind and actions of the American electorate, you'll find that something like 85% support our ongoing global jihad. The rest of the planet has known that forever. We Dems continue to labor under the delusion that we actually have a somewhat viable left in this nation. We don't. Haven't really for about 70 years. When FDR grudgingly made concessions to the little people to stave off revolution.

One more thing about LA. This is a particularly racially polarized city. For all of its cosmopolitan world city back-slapping, this place is really a balkanized uneasy confederation of mutually hostile enclaves. I forgot how much of a hierarchy there is in LA. Everyone needs some other ethnic group to look down on and each group will tell you how that OTHER ethnic group is the reason Los Angeles has issues. The Los Angeles experience is about minding boundaries, your place. It's about fear. Your family is reacting to that constant fear by projecting the menacing (to them) changes of LA onto Tookie Williams. In their mind, he's responsible for all the traffic, molestation, drugs, pollution, and riots.

That's Tookie's fault.

Tookie claims he never killed those four people. Meanwhile, in the very same week, Bush says he killed 30,000 Iraqis give or take a 100,000. Snore. Americans don't care.

Yeah. It's fucked up.

[K2]

Spudnuts:

Wow! Well said! As a displaced New Orleanian I wish you were in charge rather than the ass hats currently running the show!

[Renideo]

I don't have legislative views as such on the topic of the death penalty, I can only offer a personal perspective: How we deal with others, irrespective of their actions, is more about who we are, than what they did. Mercy, and grace make us better individuals, even if they must be tempered by social pragmatism.

In that sense, supporting the death penalty damages us as individuals by, more often than not aiding us in giving in to our most base instincts for brutal justice.

No human case is ever black and white, or simple. That does not mean punishment should not occur, or that it can occur in an individual manner, though our justice system tries to produce this effect as best it can. I am not arguing for changes in law, I am arguing on the basis of personal and human philosophy.

[Renideo]

(nor am I arguing that the justice system is within a spiral arm of perfect, naturally. I am clearly against the death penalty. I merely claim ignorance of such specifics and hence the right to argue in that area)

[scats]

Wil,

Excellent post and piece in Salon. I'm definitely going to become a regular reader.

I've had much similar experiences and I think you're observation that the shouting heads are really the ones waging a war on christmas (spirit) is dead on.

I too have wondered about this phenomenon as it relates to highly intelligent people like your father. I visited a friend whose father is an advanced-degree-holding highly intellectual person former priest/teacher, the works. He is a conservative catholic, and has many well-thought out arguments for his views. I was stunned one day to have breakfast with him and listen to him regale me with Rush's latest diatribe. He was positively revelling in it, and as usual it was full of terrible argumentation and irrationality.

It was really stunning. If one of his students had made such poor logical moves he would have downgraded them instantly. But here he was glorying in the sheerest nonsense.

I've also noticed with men like him, and with my own stepfather, who is generally libertarian, an urge to bait and poke, without provocation, on these issues where they know there is disagreement, but are in a certain kind of family setting where heated debate isn't really appropriate.

I usually deal with it alright, but I definitely share the thoughts and feelings you expressed in your post: a general sense of bewilderment, confusion, and incomprehension. Why are you alpha-dogging me here and now of all places?

I think you're attribution of the cause is essentially correct too. I often hear ordinary people using the same exact phrases with the same intonations that the shouting pundits use. its eerie. "raymond shaw is the kindest, most gentle, wonderful human being I've ever known."

i also think that the television format in general degrades thinking on these matters. i've noticed that these outburst conversations rarely last longer than two minutes until the cut-to-commercial reflex sets in and minds wander to other things.

its the "two-minute hate" phenomenon from 1984. Our dads are busy guys who aren't entirely happy (who is?). So you get some guy shouting at you every day for an hour, or even a few minutes, that the name of your pain is Tookie Williams, or homos, or mexicans or whatever, and that's what sticks. The name then becomes a pavlovian trigger for whatever negative emotions exist.

anyway, thanks for bringing it up. its become a regular feature of my visits home, and its at least comforting to know that i'm not the only one getting sandbagged by people i love.

[frogger]

Leave it to a psych major to bring this up: were your grandparents fairly conservative? Despite all that we try to do to find our own way in the world, over 70% of us will slip right back into what we knew growing up in the beliefs area. This is after less than half ever really examine their beliefs in the first place, mind you.

No wonder social changes take so long! ;-) Self-awareness is the key to making a lasting change in core beliefs. I'd recommend Helen Langer's book, "Mindfullness" as a gift to your parents, with a notation that you're glad they raised you as such a free spirit, and hope to see them re-aquainted with their free-er selves.

While I vacillate on who deserves to die, I am glad he wasn't granted clemency. Not for the reasons your dad states, but because I've seen first-hand how a person will expect a shift into "good deeds" or "godliness" to erase the fears and pains they willfully inflicted in the past. His execution was, to me, more about the hell of the gang wars than the murder of 4 people. Doesn't make it right, all those that died or were otherwise injured are still changed, but the human inclination towards vengance was served by his death. (I did say social change takes a long time! I look forward to a humane, effective alternative to prisons becoming wide-spread. That will require a boatload of social changes, as you know!)

I hope your future gathering will be without such dramas, and that your kids will talk openly with you about any confusion they feel over the incident.

[AlohaWolf]

I suppose my family is odd, because with the exception of my maybe my aunt and uncle, my whole family, including my 70 year old grandfather are leaning further left, its not really explainible by me, but it seems to work that way, one possible cause is our president, and that little war over in iraq, by the way, I remember meeting you at LosCon 2003 I wanna say, we walked together to the Linux panel (it turned to a Linux vs. SCO yelling match) and your one of the nicest people with fame I have met, and thought I would drop a line and say hi again ^^

[rmd]

heh. yeah. i love my dad and my stepmom, but i can't talk about politics with them.

during the late 70's and early 80's, my mother used to say "i used to believe in the Great Society, but now MY PENDULUM HAS SWUNG TO THE RIGHT."

i'm just waiting for the national pendulum to swing back to the left for a while...