i'm too far out to sea but something better happen soon

Last night, I played some micro-limit (.10/.25) hold'em on PokerStars. Right after I donkeyed into a gutshot on the turn with JTo to suckout on this poor guy who made middle pair with KQ on a board of A-Q-9 I realized that I'd forgotten to set up today's WWdN Invitational. While that guy filled the chat box with things like "****ing moron," and "nice call with a gutshot there, you stupid ****ing donkey mother******," I got everything set up but the name. I thought of something like WWdN #10: The Wil Didn't Play Last Week Invitational, but let's face it, that sucks.

Luckily for me, my stepson Nolan walked into my office at that moment, so I said to him, "Do you want to name my tournament?"

"What do you mean?" He said.

I explained how I name the tourney after the donkey extremely skillful player who knocks me out each week, but since I was /away, I didn't know what to name it.

He thought for about a nanosecond, and said, "Yeah! Name it Nolan Rules!" He cracked up, and was shocked when I typed it in and hit enter.

"Okay," I said, "you've just named the tourney."

"Uhh . . . how many people will get to see that?"

"Thousands," I said. "Maybe tens of thousands, and they will all know that you rule. In fact, it could be hundreds of millions. I hope you're prepared for the responsibility that comes with ruling that many people."

He gave me the you're so lame/you're insane/oh-my-god-I-am-mortified-that-you-did-that look, which is pretty common since he became A Teenager.

"Are you serious?" He said.

I laughed. "No. It will only be seen by fives of people in the tourney, and maybe thirties of people online. And I think most people will get the joke."

"Okay . . ." He said.

"And even if they don't, what do you care? You're their ruler."

Now he smiled. "Whatever, Wil. Are you going to come play charades with me and mom now?"

"Right after I finish this orbit," I said. He glanced at the screen and said, "uh, that guy is cussing a lot."

"Yeah, I put a really bad beat on him," I said.

"Oh, so you mean he's saying in the chat box what you say in real life when you're in here alone?" He smirked.

Busted.

"Something like that," I said. "Tell your mom I'll be right there."

I returned to my game. "Sorry man," I typed in the chat box. "You're right. I am a complete donkey, and I totally suck at poker."  On the very next hand, I was dealt A5c in the SB. Everyone limped in ahead of me, so I completed and saw a flop of 2-3-6 with no clubs. I checked, the BB raised, and it was folded to KQ guy, who bet the pot. It was folded back to me.

Do I try for the gutshot again? I thought. Because the Implied Tilt Odds are infinite.

I actually went into the tank for a bit, until deciding that it was probably stupid to call. I folded, and a 4 hit the turn.

So this is what it's like to be CJ, I thought, as I picked up my virtual chips, and headed out to the living room to play with my family.

Comments

[alicein1derland]

I used to think that getting that look from my kids would offend and wound me..... but now I know that I'm doing my job because they think they are so much cooler than me. It's as it should be...

[VeronicaRobinson]

The mere fact that he still plays charades with you should give you some hope. It implies that you have not totally lost him to the pod people. There's still a little bit of him in there still, clinging to life as you (wil) once knew it.

[MattWallace]

You were only like 2 sigmas out. You should read stevepa's PCA writeups at 2+2, where he has earned the forum title Quads R' Us for his 6-sigma quad flopping performance.

I finally got neteller set up and popped in the tourney tonight, but busted out 32nd, I believe. I'll be back! *shakes fist*

[CJ]

Yes, wil, that's exactly what it's like :-)

Feels good, doesn't it.

[sparky1234]

Enjoy your CJ-like powers, and use them only for good, Wil. ;)

Any word on the TOC date, btw?

[andrew brandou]

wil, your connection to nolan is so dope. i dunno if i can hit that same level, but i am inspired by your candor. here i sit watchin' the sunrise, and i reckon you get to watch the son rise.

uhm... i don't play poker either, just into your excitement BTW.

keep on keepin' on

[Good_43]

"So this is what it's like to be CJ"

No, CJ would have insta-called, missed the turn, check called another pot sized bet and rivered the 4 only to check call all-in.

Did you see he won AGAIN!

-Chilly

[Dave Westbay]

Another great entry, which ties the family and poker elements together very nicely. And I think Chilly's comment has summed up CJ's luckbox power quite succinctly.

Will there be a West Coast WWdN game this Thursday? I may try to join in if I can. Hope to see you there!

[BigDubb]

With great naming power comes great responsiblity.

Poker the wonderful game of woulda, coulda, shouldas.

[Sean W]

Seriously Wil, I'd feel bad if you went back to Rockville and wasted another year.

[Vicky (Desperate to be a Housewife)]

I got cussed out the other day on a PLAY money table at Pokerstars, because I sucked out on Ace Queen of hearts and blew three people off the table with a flush...so I typed to the guy: "Sorry I took all your fake money. Now you can't spend that fake money on your fake kids and buy them a fake new loaf of bread." I could just feel him seething behind his monitor...ha!

...and my Teenager told me this morning that I'm the coolest mom in the world, as long as I'm quiet and don't say a word around her friends...I can't win.

[Tams]

Don't feel bad. :) I suck at poker too so you're much better at it than I am. :)You'd completely blow me out of the water if we ever played together.