a few thoughts on the oscars

Quick thoughts after the Oscars:

Best. Opening. EVAR.

I loved Jon Stewart, even if most of the audience didn't until halfway through. This crowd takes itself very seriously, and they tend to sit on their hands for the new guy. Lighten up, jerks! It's a party!

I can't comment on the winners, because I didn't see many of the films. I don't know if anyone got robbed, or if there were any Marissa Tomei moments. As far as I can tell, the winners deserved it, but I also know that it's really about being nominated.

I fucking hated it that they kept cutting winners short when they tried to give speeches, so they could do yet another stupid montage about how great movies are. Yeah, we know movies are great. If we didn't think movies were great, we wouldn't be watching. Most of these people get this chance once in their lives; give them the respect they've earned and more than 40 seconds to enjoy and share it, jerks. (That's a different group of jerks than the jerks I was referring to in my first paragraph. You know who you are . . . jerks.)

On the subject of montages: putting The Day After Tomorrow in with movies like All the President's Men, Network, and Schindler's List? Are you serious? I hope someone got seriously laid, like eleven times, for including that. Otherwise, what the hell?

I am so glad that they didn't go out into the theatre like they did last year.

I loved this thing that George Clooney said when he accepted his Oscar:

"And finally, I would say that, you know, we are a little bit out of touch in Hollywood every once in a while. I think it's probably a good thing. We're the ones who talk about AIDS when it was just being whispered, and we talked about civil rights when it wasn't really popular. And we, you know, we bring up subjects. This Academy, this group of people gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters. I'm proud to be a part of this Academy. Proud to be part of this community, and proud to be out of touch."

I, too, am proud to be out of touch.

The anti-DVD crap was really stupid. I'll be sure to watch movies in theatres when people shut the hell up in them, and it doesn't cost me twenty-five bucks before I'm even in my seat. And don't even get me started on how shitty most movies are, man.

I really liked the interstitial stuff they did for each category.

Ben Stiller nearly stole the show; it's a draw between him and Meryl Streep and Lilly Tomlin's brilliant tribute to Altman.

Altman made me really happy, I'd love to work with him someday, because even if the final project isn't perfect, I get the sense that you learn a lot and have a lot of fun when you work with him.

I was really bummed that Ang Lee didn't thank or acknowledge his actors.

I didn't know that Paul Haggis is a Scientologist. What a damn shame. Oh well, Crash is still a great movie. And as long as we're talking about spaceship cultists, Tom Cruise is still the most overrated actor in history. In fact, I chalk up War of the Worlds' magnificent .000 batting average to his being in that film. Couch-jumping, Katie-Holmes-ruining, shoulda-stopped-at-Risky-Business and you're not fooling me with Born of the Fourth of July hack.

I loved the campaign ads. Does anyone know if Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert wrote them?

Jessica Alba needs to eat about fifteen sammiches. Come on, girl. I know you've still got some Nancy Callahan in you.

Jennifer Garner was teh hot. Even when she's slipping on her dress, she manages to look amazing.

I loved it that the Wallace and Grommit guys brought little ties for Oscar, and the March of the Penguin guys brought stuffed emperor penguins.

The performance of "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" is probably my favorite moment in Oscar history, and I agree with Cinematical's Martha Fischer who said, "Nothing, ever, will top a giant marquee in front of an auditorium of rich, white people that reads "IT'S HARD OUT HERE FOR A PIMP." (As Kim said, "Have there ever been that many black people at the Oscars at one time?")" The only thing which topped that performance was the acceptance speech, from the highest bunch of guys I've ever seen on television, including the Cheech & Chong marathon a few years ago.

ABC cutting off the acceptance speech from the producers of Crash, the Best Picture Of The Year, is absolutely un-fucking-forgivable, and completely classless, tacky, and horrible. What are they doing? Making sure Jimmy Kimmel starts on time? One of the lowest moments of the entire show, almost as bad as cutting off Martin Landau when he won for Ed Wood. I hope the television critics lay off the fashion snark and lay into ABC for that. It was the one moment in the show when I was actually pissed off.

This is the first year in a long, long time that I've really looked forward to watching the show, and it's the first year in a long, long time that I really enjoyed it, other than the cutting them off in the middle of the Crash speech thing. I hope they have Jon Stewart back next year, and I hope they'll do fewer stupid montages.

(photo from flickr user wannabehipster)