the mystery hotel

Shane posted this picture of a mystery hotel in his blog over the weekend, and I suggested to him that it would be cool to have writers post short stories that it inspires.

I'll be honest: I'm terrified right now, before I hit publish and send this out into the wild. I'm not the best in the world at brevity, and whenever I attempt fiction, I feel incredibly self conscious.

I also made the mistake of reading Otis' story after I wrote mine, and I feel (like I often do when I read Otis' writing) like a kid who belongs at the card table, pretending to sit down in the dining room with the adults.

So now that I've managed to lower your expectations to UPN-like standards, please enjoy. . .

Room 302
by Wil

Farnsworth frowned as he shuffled the photos. He dropped them on his desk and looked over the top of his reading glasses.

"I can't use any of these, son. I can hardly see the men, and there's too much whitespace in here." He picked up one photo and pointed at the tin ceiling. Martin recalled how brightly it had reflected the flash, and how the younger man had flinched in the light. 

"Mr. Farnsworth --"

"Look, you're a good kid, and even if your photos aren't always front page material, you rarely let me down."

"Thank you, sir."

"I know that you have a baby on the way, but I can't pay you for photos that I can't use." He leaned back in his chair and folded his hands across his chest. "Hotels don't stay in one family and celebrate their hundredth anniversary every day, though, so it's news that I need to run. So why don't you go back to the hotel, get a closer shot of the Ellisons, and I'll pay you double for it." Farnsworth smiled, and put the photos into an envelope.

"I'll see what I can do, sir. Thank you." Martin took the envelope and traded the quiet of Farnsworth's office for the chaos of the newsroom.

Martin needed the money, and it was important to keep a man like Richard Farnsworth happy. Evelyn was due in two months, and these freelance newspaper jobs were all he had.

But he wasn't going back into the Ellison, today or ever. There was something very, very wrong there, and Martin felt it in his soul when he walked up the stairs into the second floor lobby. Those men were terrified, and Martin wanted to get out of there before he found out why.

He took the number five bus home, and left the envelope on the seat when he got off. The sooner he could get way from it, the sooner he could begin the long process of wiping that feeling from his memory. He hugged his wife tightly when he walked into their apartment and felt his unborn son stir between them.

Back at the Ellison Hotel, the tenant in 302 woke and rang the front desk. Father and son looked at each other.

It was time to eat.

Comments

[EmilyJo]

Wow, Wil. I really liked the story. I read it, looked at the picture closer, then read it again. Its really good! Hope to see more fiction on here in the future!

[CJ]

Good stuff, wil. And I know what you mean about Otis... just imagine sharing a blog with him!!!

[ElizabethDay]

I like the little details that gave me the atmosphere for the world in which your characters are walking. Keep at it, you're doing great!

[Spazzium]

More! This has a great tone.

[Otis]

Too kind, Wil. Too kind. Thing is...now that I've read your version, I want to go back and spend eight hours re-writing mine so it doesn't seem so hackish. Regardless, thanks for the inspiration--on this subject and many others.

[Annika]

This is great stuff. You went all Lovecraft (maybe) at the end and freaked me the hell out.

[Joe]

Subtle. Fitting for the picture, but there's untapped potential in that image!

[horwinkle62]

Amazing Wil! I think you severely underestimate your fiction writing. Very subtle, very cool.

[cocacola]

Wil:

I liked your story. It reminded me of the literary postcard competition that I entered earlier this year with geist magazine (http://geist.com/ - winners will be published in a few weeks if anyone is interested in giving them a read).

I liked your subtleness, and the vividness at the same time.

Keep writing!

cheers,
Patricia from Canada

[UsagiRyu]

Wil:

Wow! Nice. Especially that little twist at the end. Creepy, i like that *:)*

*waves*
The evil UsagiRyu

[Tony Miller]

Thanks for sharing this Wil. I took to the idea right away and wrote something before reading what others had so I could flesh out my vision of the image. I really enjoyed doing it. Thanks again.

I love your vision of the image.

I like how your vision of the image and Otis' vision of the image fit together so well, even though you wrote your story before you read his. It's almost spooky.

-Tony

[WaywardSailorGirl]

Oh, now that's just creepy...

Good job!

[Angela]

That was awesome! not UPN like at all!!

[Chris Kessel]

Good stuff. I'm no writer, but a thought. With very short stories you need to set the image in that first sentence. It took me a moment to realize the age gap, the context. As a non-writer, I'll mangle this, but something like:

"The rough lines crinkled in the corner of Farnsworth's eyes as he looked over the photos. Out of habit, he swiftly ran his hand through his slowly graying hair before looking up over his desk at the young man waiting expectantly."

A few descriptive words stablish the age gap, the power gap, and the emotional context for the scene.

I feel stupid, giving advice to an establish writer...

[Joe]

The obvious bond your short story creates between the reader and Martin, proves that it delivers an organic emotion that's easily compatible with the imaginations of the readers.

The appetizer was good, when is the meal coming?? Waiter!

[Wil]

Thanks for the feedback and constructive criticism, everyone.

I am especially thrilled that the Lovecraftian elements made it through, because that creepiness is *exactly* what I was going for.

[Amber]

I don't want to pigeonhole you with more comparisons, but it reminds me of both S. King's short work, and Orson Scott Card's _The Changed Man_ collection (there's some creepy crap in there!). Regardless of similarities to other writers, it is very good. It feels like the beginning of a very good story.

[Andrew]

Chris Kessel: I think Wil's version is right on target. The age gap comes out nicely in the second paragraph, and the "reading glasses" reference in the first is an extra clue to the careful reader.

This isn't the story I would have written from the picture, but it's a good one.

[Nicole]

Beautifully brief, and yet you managed to set the mood dead-on. I really want to know now what those men were terrified of...or do I? =D I've always admired those who could tell a story with a few deft sentences, so mad props to you, Wil.

I'd write something, but I'm afraid now it will fall into the same vein, and appear woefully inept in comparision. *will make an attempt later on, maybe*

[Krista]

Hi Wil,
You've got my interest!! I would love to see where the story goes. If it were a book I'd read it!

[Pirate Fae]

Erm, dude...

You're going to keep writing on that, right? You've got the beginnings of a nice short story there, perhaps even a novel.

BTW: For a guy whose wife hasn't given birth during their marriage, I thought you captured that moment between (ha ha) Martin and his wife beautifully. Nice!

[Julian Owen]

Wil! What happens to the tenant in 302?

[Joe]

The mystery and stillness in Sin City that preceeded something very disturbing. That energetic stillness.

[Danyiel]

Awww, come on, are you just gonna leave us hangin' like that? I don't care about the 300 words or less rule, I want to read more about Martin and whether or not Mr. Farnsworth ever cuts him any slack.

That's how good you are, Wil. I can't speak for anyone else, but you keep me yearning for more. Your credibility as a fiction writer is every bit as good as your non-fiction work.

In those 299 words, you managed to paint a picture of a man who so desperately wants to succeed at his work in order to support his family. If only he could get that one picture published that would get old man Farnsworth off of his case, he wouldn’t need to worry about the bills, for this month at least. It would be like a five thousand pound weight being lifted off of his shoulders, if he could only get that one good shot. I already care about Martin and Evelyn and what happens to them and their unborn child. And I'd also like to know what's happening in Room 302, and why Martin is so reluctant to return to that room to get the picture of the Ellisons that could pay the rent this month.

Can we possibly add "Screenwriter" to your already impressive resume anytime soon?

Good job, Wil. I loved your story. But I still want more, damn you!!

[LillyO]

Sounds good..... I want more!