hello, i'm captain crankypants

I've been trying to turn my body's internal clock around to normal, after having it set on Vegas for most of the Summer, and it's much, much harder than I thought it would be.

No amount of Melatonin, Sleepytime tea, massive afternoon exercise, or "I'm getting up when the alarm goes off at 8, no matter what," is helping, and I am increasingly cranky as a result.

Yesterday, I made the mistake of having a black cherry soda around 6, and didn't realize until I'd already had the whole thing that it had caffeine in it. Awesome. I was staring at the ceiling until 2:30, and when I finally drifted off to a fitful sleep, Ryan and his friend woke me up from the living room, where they were watching TV.

Holy crap, did I unleash The Wrath.

I got back into bed, where I resumed staring at the ceiling until I fell asleep about 45 minutes later . . . only to wake up again because it was so fucking hot and stuffy in my bedroom. Yeah, genius that I am I'd set the thermostat at 82, planning to open my window and sleep with the fan on. It was a good plan, until I forgot to open the window and turn on the fan, because I rule so much.

I didn't violently throw the covers off like I normally would, because I didn't want to wake up my wife, but I did storm into the hallway and set the thermostat at 70, like a genius, so I could wake up again around 5 because it was too cold.

I honestly thought about cockpunching myself, just so I'd learn an important lesson, but I talked myself off the ledge and fell back asleep . . . just in time for Ferris and Riley to go completely berserk barking at a cat which wandered into our back yard just after 6.

At this point I was too tired for The Wrath, so I got out of bed, told them "thank you for keeping us safe from the evil cat in the back yard," and went back into bed. I put a T-shirt over my eyes so the sunlight wouldn't wake me up, and mercifully slept until 11:30.

I have a throbbing headache, my eye is twitching, I'm sick to my stomach, my jaw is sore from clenching my teeth when I did sleep, and holy shit am I in a mood. Seriously, I wouldn't want to come anywhere near me for at least the next twenty-four hours, as I am as likely to say "hello" as I am to say, "hey, why don't you go fuck yourself?"

Look out, world. You have been warned.

Comments

[HPunster]

You gotta chill, buddy. Take a deep breath or ten. 'Cause you know they're just dying to write the headline "Child-Actor Goes Postal".

[Chris the Tiki Guy]

*offers a cupcake*

if it helps at all, in that "misery loves company" way, i'm stressed out and cranky, too, but mine's due to my stupid office job.

[ChazB]

I go through this all the time too because of the way my shifts at work go. What I find works for me is to just stay up for as long as I can for a few days until I get to the point where I go to bed at my regular time and then wake up at my regular time. Then I just revert to my normal schedule. The cranky-ass-don't-talk-to-me-because-I'll-eat-your-soul-without-blinking person only makes brief appearances and I try to keep myself out of situations that will make him bring his full wrath to bear (see locking myself away at a computer). Just a suggestion.

ps: I'm reading Just A Geek for the third time since Montreal and it's been helping to turn around a depressed streak I've been going through. It may sound hard to believe, but there are things in there that I can really relate to and it helps knowing that someone else out there feels similar to me. It helps more than you could imagine.

pps: My non-geek fiance (whos is also a step-parent) totally relates to you in this book too.

[ttrentham]

You said "crank" and "pants". Heh.

[Joe]

Take a Midol, girlfriend. Your boobs must be sore..

Nothing like waking up in the morning with diamond hard nipples.

Look at you...

[Krista]

Oh Wil, I feel for you. Have you reached the level of "so tired" that you're laughing at everything for no reason. I think it comes just before "insanity from lack of sleep". Good luck at getting some decent sleep, I'll be up too trying for the best 3 hours I can get!

[khereva]

If you're clenching in your sleep, please see a dentist about a biteguard/nightguard for your teeth. It's no fun losing molars due to cracking them over decades of grinding.

From one who knows, my friend, this will be money well spent.

[BC]

Honestly, the best way I've ever found to reset your internal clock backward, is to push it forward about an hour a day, until it matches what you want. It takes longer, and it's harder on someone with a fixed schedule, but it's practically painless.

[(The Original) Mary Sue]

I honestly thought about cockpunching myself, just so I'd learn an important lesson, but I talked myself off the ledge and fell back asleep .

Water RIGHT OUT THE NOSE!

And then I had to explain to coworkers 1) what I was reading, 2) who you are, and most horrifyingly, 3) what a cockpunch is.

[PJDonnell]

Is it wrong to be laughing at his pain?

[uisceboo]

I've been trying to turn my body's internal clock around to normal, after having it set on Vegas for most of the Summer

...which is pretty much internal clock chaos, since most of the town goes 24 hours a day nonstop.

[Pookie]

PJDonnell:

It isn't wrong. It's sooooo right....

Bwa ha ha

~P~

[mary]

Dude. You are too hard on yourself!

ps Herbal sleep aid which I highly recommend: Valerian!

[Kornham]

Be glad you don't have an infant at home. You should see a Doctor before you beat yourself up or someone else.

[Lex]

Well after reading what you wrote, I hope that you are able to get more sleep tonight and get back to as "normal" as you can get.

[Steve in Texas]

I just got back from Vegas on Sunday (after a 5 hour delayed departure - thanks Continental) and I feel your pain.

[Laura]

Is it wrong that cranky!Wil is kind of sexy?

I never said that.

[streaky]

Must really suck to be WW eh?

Wish I could spend most of the summer in Vegas :p

[Jenn M.]

Isn't it great to have a blog to vent on?

[Eric in PA]

Know how you feel, Wil. I just spent the last few months unable to sleep well at all...

[barstoolcadaver]

Nevada to Cali is what, one or two time zones? Whoa dude, I'd hate to encounter your wrath after a European jet-lag/internal clock reset. In my mind I'm superimposing your head on Nicholson's body in that scene from The Shining where Jack has just axed his way through that door.

[TitanKT]

Okay, Mr. Crankypants. Be sure to take some vitamins and eat well because your lack of sleep may be a precursor to getting a bad cold or a flu or something. I'm not wishing this on you, but anytime I have THAT bad a time with sleep and wake up feeling twitchy and horrible the next day, I'm liable to be sick in the near future.

Just, you know, trying to help. Hope you get some rest soon. I certainly can relate... I unleash The Wrath as well when I'm tired, too. And if I combine really tired and really hungry, oooooh, it's scary!

[CarolP]

Your pain is highly amusing.

[MISAURUS]

*hands you one of my amitriptyline* it works for anxiety AND bad moods. two birds with one stone xD

[jer_]

A self inflicted cock punch might very well be the funniest thing I've read this week. Thanks for the laugh, sorry for your pain :)