from dark skies to wet grass

It's been one of those days where, no matter how hard I try, I can't ever seem to really get started, so I've spent much of it in a sort of pissy mood, mostly annoyed at myself for feeling bored or uninspired by everything.

However, I've had a couple of amusing stories come out of me, that I think are worth sharing. I think I may have written about the first one before.

Around 1987 or 1988, I saw Larry Niven at a convention. I was officially there to be the Star Trek guy, but I didn't have to go on stage for a few hours, and rather than sit in some suite with the rest of the Star Trek people who didn't want to get too close to the masses, I grabbed my backpack and wandered around the convention as nerdy fanboy number 42.

I bought a ton of crap in the dealer's room (mostly FASA sourcebooks, and some bootleg anime videos IIRC) and on my way down a hallway toward the gaming room, I saw this guy who was dressed in a Space Shuttle flight suit (blue) sitting behind a table that had some books on it.

Holy shit, it was Larry Niven.

I walked up to him and the conversation went something like this:

Me: OMG YOU'RE LARRY NIVEN!

Him: OMG YOU'RE WESLEY ON STAR TREK!

Both: CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH!

Both: YOU WANT MY AUTOGRAPH?!

Both: YES!

Me: I don't have a pen.

Him: It's okay, I have several.

He pulled a pen out of the shoulder pen-holding pocket thing on his blue Space Shuttle flight suit. I was so out-nerded, it wasn't even funny. I tried to counter-attack by producing my own copy of Ringworld that I had in my backpack, because I carried it with me everywhere in those days, just in case, you know, I felt like reading it. (I am not exaggerating at all. I loved -- and continue to love -- that book that much. For reals.)

This prompted the question, "Do you ever get bothered that you can't just walk around a convention like everyone else? Does it bother you that people are always trying to talk to you, even when you're supposed to be having your 'own' time?"

To which I replied, "It depends on how much Sailor Moon porn I'm attempting to buy."

I made myself laugh, and then I realized that there probably really is Sailor Moon porn, and there are probably people who buy it. Then I threw up in my mouth a little.

Have you ever had to laugh while there's vomit in your mouth? It's worse than holding a drink in your mouth while you get under control enough to swallow it.

Wow. I really just bounded over the line on that one, didn't I? I mean, normally I can at least see the line behind me, but it's way behind the horizon right now.

Okay. Good to know. Moving on.

The second amusing anecdote is from a few years later, probably late 1992.

I went to a midnight screening of the director's cut of Blade Runner in Westwood, which is the home of UCLA, and before the Arclight and Bridge theaters, was the only place you went to see movies other than the Chinese or Cinerama Dome. The screening was sold out, and when the lights went down, there was a mighty roar from the crowd, quickly replaced by reverent silence as the crawl began.

When the crawl was over, with impeccable timing, someone from the theater shouted out, "I can't read!"

Hilarity ensued, but reverence was quickly restored. For a moment, I hoped that we'd be MST3K-ing the film, but it turns out that we didn't get to do that, though it would have been deliciously ironic to provide our own commentary over the removed voice over.

And with that, I'm off. Have a good weekend, everyone.