Another TNG review for TV Squad: The Last Outpost
I wrote another TNG review for TV Squad, this time on The Last Outpost (also known as: Oh my god, Becky. The Ferengi are the lamest. Aliens. Ever.)
It's, uh, wordy, because I did it in real time as I watched the show, but it's got lots of stuff in it that makes me laugh, and I hope it will be entertaining to readers, as well.
It's way too long to quote here, and isn't up yet (I'll update this post when it goes live) (it's live now! go read it, if you have time for 4800 words) but I worked on it all day and can't wait to publish it, so here's a little preview for ya:
The mood on the bridge is tense. Rumors about the Ferengi are numerous, and include some terrifying suggestions: they eat humans, they're big and scary, and they have really huge wangs.
The Enterprise makes visual contact with the Ferengi ship just before it enters the unexplored Delphi Ardu system, and slows to sub-warp speed. This prompts Data to suggest that they're having engine trouble. Thanks for that incredible insight, Mr. Data.
Worf announces that the ship is in full visual range, and Picard orders maximum enlargement on the viewscreen. This reveals a ship that sort of looks like a croissant, which Picard says is an "impressive design." Ah, the joys of writing and filming reactions before the models done.
Some expository dialogue ensues, with Data telling Picard (and the audience) that Ferengi and Federation technology is at about the same level, but that we are "advanced in some areas, they in others." Man, Data is full of insights, and we haven't even seen the credits, yet!
There are a few power surges, and the Ferengi ship fires at the Enterprise! Luckily, the shields hold, and the blasts bounce harmlessly off. Everyone wants to return fire, except Picard, who says that the Enterprise should just chill out for a minute, because its close pursuit may have harshed on the Ferengi's mellow.
The Ferengi ship turns around to face the Enterprise, and now it does look kind of cool, sort of like a little croissant attached to a bigger croissant, like maybe a sausage croissandwich. Mmmmm . . . croissandwich.
The Enterprise begins to close on the Ferengi ship, which makes Picard -- who is already a little cranky -- a little more cranky. Geordi says that he isn't even touching the gas pedal, and that his foot is securely on the brakes. Since there is no Farmer's Market in sight and Geordi is in his 30s, it's reasonable to believe him.
Okay, here's one other bit that I like:
The planet looks really, really cool, and it's one of the very first times we can see the difference in budgets and technologies available to the original series and the Next Generation. It's misty and stormy, and other words that are not also stage names for strippers, and we discover that the energy in the atmosphere has messed up the transporter's coordinates, and Riker's been beamed down alone. He quickly finds Data, who again uses the word "intriguing" to describe things. He keeps using that word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means.
Riker and Data scout around, and find Geordi suspended upside down when -- oh! here come the Ferengi! Holy shit! The evil Ferengi! They're finally here, in person! We can see more than just their moderately scary faces, and they are . . . uh . . . short. And bouncy. And they wave their hands around over their heads a lot. And they don't like loud noises. And they carry whips . . . and wear Ugg boots.
It's an episode that actually had a solid underlying storyline, but was utterly destroyed by the Ferengi, who are just lame, but you can read the entire review if you want to see me get into that.
I'm currently fighting a massive cold and sore throat that started Friday afternoon and eventually kicked my ass Sunday morning. Because I'm feeling like hell and don't have a lot of energy, I'm spending a lot of my time watching my TNG and TOS DVDs, and I've discovered this thing that I'd always taken for granted about Star Trek, TNG and TOS: The stories.
It's easy to lose perspective on just how spectacular the original series was when it started, because it was forty years ago . . . but with rare exception -- Battlestar Galactica comes to mind -- there just aren't that many shows that know exactly what they are, and exactly where they are going so quickly. See, the original series was just spectacular right out of the gate. In the first fifteen episodes, we have The Corbomite Maneuver, The Naked Time, Balance of Terror, Dagger of the Mind, and Conscience of the King. Set aside for a moment just how great those stories are, and consider the character relationships that are revealed in all of them. In these shows, we truly believe that Bones, Kirk and Spock have known each other forever, and we instantly and easily care about them and their ship.
Next Generation got really good around the third season. Sure, there are some great shows in the first two, but massive turnover in the writing staff and ambitious producers who were looking to climb the ladder rather than just make great shows never gave us a chance to define a direction and stick with it. Once Michael Piller took over the show in the third season, however, all that came to an end, and the show began to realize its potential. Gene knew that Michael was responsible for guiding the show, and he asked Michael to stay around a little longer, even though Michael originally planned not to. I'm glad he stayed.
We who spend a lot of time wrapped up in the business or fandom of Star Trek -- or that place where they intersect -- can easily lose sight of the story of Star Trek, which is, presumably, the whole reason we got involved with it in the first place. I'm incredibly grateful that I've had the opportunity recently to just watch these shows (especially the original series) just for the pure enjoyment of them.
If you think it's worthy, you can Digg or vote my story up at Netscape.
