Another TNG review for TV Squad: The Last Outpost

I wrote another TNG review for TV Squad, this time on The Last Outpost (also known as: Oh my god, Becky. The Ferengi are the lamest. Aliens. Ever.)

It's, uh, wordy, because I did it in real time as I watched the show, but it's got lots of stuff in it that makes me laugh, and I hope it will be entertaining to readers, as well.

It's way too long to quote here, and isn't up yet (I'll update this post when it goes live) (it's live now! go read it, if you have time for 4800 words) but I worked on it all day and can't wait to publish it, so here's a little preview for ya:

The mood on the bridge is tense. Rumors about the Ferengi are numerous, and include some terrifying suggestions: they eat humans, they're big and scary, and they have really huge wangs.

The Enterprise makes visual contact with the Ferengi ship just before it enters the unexplored Delphi Ardu system, and slows to sub-warp speed. This prompts Data to suggest that they're having engine trouble. Thanks for that incredible insight, Mr. Data.

Worf announces that the ship is in full visual range, and Picard orders maximum enlargement on the viewscreen. This reveals a ship that sort of looks like a croissant, which Picard says is an "impressive design." Ah, the joys of writing and filming reactions before the models done.

Some expository dialogue ensues, with Data telling Picard (and the audience) that Ferengi and Federation technology is at about the same level, but that we are "advanced in some areas, they in others." Man, Data is full of insights, and we haven't even seen the credits, yet!

There are a few power surges, and the Ferengi ship fires at the Enterprise! Luckily, the shields hold, and the blasts bounce harmlessly off. Everyone wants to return fire, except Picard, who says that the Enterprise should just chill out for a minute, because its close pursuit may have harshed on the Ferengi's mellow.

The Ferengi ship turns around to face the Enterprise, and now it does look kind of cool, sort of like a little croissant attached to a bigger croissant, like maybe a sausage croissandwich. Mmmmm . . . croissandwich.

The Enterprise begins to close on the Ferengi ship, which makes Picard -- who is already a little cranky -- a little more cranky. Geordi says that he isn't even touching the gas pedal, and that his foot is securely on the brakes. Since there is no Farmer's Market in sight and Geordi is in his 30s, it's reasonable to believe him.

Okay, here's one other bit that I like:

The planet looks really, really cool, and it's one of the very first times we can see the difference in budgets and technologies available to the original series and the Next Generation. It's misty and stormy, and other words that are not also stage names for  strippers, and we discover that the energy in the atmosphere has messed up the transporter's coordinates, and Riker's been beamed down alone. He quickly finds Data, who again uses the word "intriguing" to describe things. He keeps using that word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means.

Riker and Data scout around, and find Geordi suspended upside down when -- oh! here come the Ferengi! Holy shit! The evil Ferengi! They're finally here, in person! We can see more than just their moderately scary faces, and they are . . . uh . . . short. And bouncy. And they wave their hands around over their heads a lot. And they don't like loud noises. And they carry whips . . .  and wear Ugg boots.

It's an episode that actually had a solid underlying storyline, but was utterly destroyed by the Ferengi, who are just lame, but you can read the entire review if you want to see me get into that.

I'm currently fighting a massive cold and sore throat that started Friday afternoon and eventually kicked my ass Sunday morning. Because I'm feeling like hell and don't have a lot of energy, I'm spending a lot of my time watching my TNG and TOS DVDs, and I've discovered this thing that I'd always taken for granted about Star Trek, TNG and TOS: The stories.

It's easy to lose perspective on just how spectacular the original series was when it started, because it was forty years ago . . . but with rare exception -- Battlestar Galactica comes to mind -- there just aren't that many shows that know exactly what they are, and exactly where they are going so quickly. See, the original series was just spectacular right out of the gate. In the first fifteen episodes, we have The Corbomite Maneuver, The Naked Time, Balance of Terror, Dagger of the Mind, and Conscience of the King. Set aside for a moment just how great those stories are, and consider the character relationships that are revealed in all of them. In these shows, we truly believe that Bones, Kirk and Spock have known each other forever, and we instantly and easily care about them and their ship.

Next Generation got really good around the third season. Sure, there are some great shows in the first two, but massive turnover in the writing staff and ambitious producers who were looking to climb the ladder rather than just make great shows never gave us a chance to define a direction and stick with it. Once Michael Piller took over the show in the third season, however, all that came to an end, and the show began to realize its potential. Gene knew that Michael was responsible for guiding the show, and he asked Michael to stay around a little longer, even though Michael originally planned not to. I'm glad he stayed.

We who spend a lot of time wrapped up in the business or fandom of Star Trek -- or that place where they intersect -- can easily lose sight of the story of Star Trek, which is, presumably, the whole reason we got involved with it in the first place. I'm incredibly grateful that I've had the opportunity recently to just watch these shows (especially the original series) just for the pure enjoyment of them.

If you think it's worthy, you can Digg or vote my story up at Netscape.

Comments

[d. burr]

Your reference to the Ferengi vessel as "a ship that sort of looks like a croissant" is too true!...Exactly!

[GeeseOPlenty]

Never noticed before how much weather and strippers go hand in hand. I even knew a "Hailey" once.

[sarebear62]

I just watched The City on the Edge of Forever a few days ago, and was marveling at how WAY ahead of its time it was for the writing, the depth of story, the risks it took, and the issues it explored.

I think that's the name of the episode with Edith Keeler . . . .

No wonder this episode won an award! Harlan wrote some of the best episodes ever (I think that's his name . . .)

[TitanKT]

Ooohf! You are so funny... I almost nose hosed my water when I read: "He keeps using that word. I do not think it means what he thinks it means." My *favorite* line from Princess Bride.

You have single-handedly doubled my enjoyment and appreciation of a show I already love. The only way this could be better is if I could sit in your living room and watch the eps with you.

But, don't worry! I wouldn't do that.

[starshine_diva]

Your review looks orgasmic!!! It makes me want to read it as I watch the episode!

You are hilarious, seriously. We're lucky to have you.

[Empty Jay]

I never noticed the weather <-> stripper name connection. The funny thing is, my sister's godmother named her daughters Misty and Stormy. I have no idea if they're strippers. :)

[ben]

Something else - on the DS9 DVD special feature (I forget which season) that covers Quark, Armin Shimerman even comes straight out and says (more or less) that the Ferengi characters were lame in that episode. He goes on to place the responsibility for that on himself, and explain that his desire to make up for that mistake went a long way toward the quality of his performance of Quark.

[FABIAN]

WIL,
Get well now. You still wrote a great entry. I don't think it is easy for you but, for now, stay in bed.

FG

[Gandhi]

Ich will auch ein croissandwich, ich will auch ein croissandwich......

Hey, coole Episodenbeschreibung. Ich fand die Ferengi in dieser Folge etwas schwach, aber Du hast recht, ab der 3. Staffel wurde es besser. Storys, Bühnenbild......

Und zu deiner Erkältung sag ich nur: Pack Dich schön warm ein und genieße Deine DVDs. Gute Besserung!!!

Greetz

Gandhi

[Alan]

I think Picard was impressed because of the homage the Ferengi's made to his French culture. This also explains why he held fire. Any species with that much taste and culture can't be all bad. However, the ship reminded him that the replicators never quite got croissants quite right, and that is why he was usually grumpy.

Now you just need to audioblog your review.

And provide an affiate link to the DVDs on Amazon.

Say hi to Misty for me.

[rdhatt]

Speaking of Battlestar, I'm interested in your thoughts on the season premier...

[Qilapid]

TNG and DS9 always did that thing where an alien race would be characterized one way in an early episode and then end up something else entirely when the writers realized what they wanted to do. Cardassians being lame and then being major enemies of the Federation comes to mind. I was 9 years old when this episode first aired and I remember thinking something like, "Ferrengi are lamer than the bad guys in Starman."

I wonder if anyone else remembers that show. It was terrible even then. Of course, I was 9 and watched Silverhawks, too. Bluegrass was cool.

[Chad]

I think its great that you look back on your work with Trek so fondly and with enjoyment. It's frustrating as a fan sometimes to hear an actor or actress speak ill of something they did years ago. It's almost as if they were embarassed by it and so should we be for liking it.

[karenls]

Ok, did this happen to anyone else?

"Mmmmm, croissandwich..."

And in my head I hear that guy playing the ST and Simpsons theme on the theremin...

Actually, since the link was posted, I've never really stopped hearing it...

HEEEEEEELLLLP!

EXcellent post btw.

[Mingo]

@Chad,
I second that.

[Mr. Lizard]

Love the way you write. But, if memory serves, you could have used a few male stripper names to describe that planet, too... like Rocky and Dusty.
And I just got this brainstorm, of sorts. You really oughta do ALL of your reviews while watching the show. Then record what you write (with a few "Man I wish I'd thought of saying that!" edits) while you re-watch it with the sound muted. Then we can download the recording and play them back while watching the episode ourselves. I know this is kinda MST3Kish and that it's sorta been done before... but not by Ensign Crusher!

[ZB]

Hey GeeseOPlenty, did you know that Harlan Ellison, the author of "City on the Edge of Forever" (and about a million other great stories/books) also wrote a 276 page book about how they butchered it? For better or worse, who knows? It's still an awesome show.

[ZB]

Sorry, that was directed at sarebear62.

[evalucent]

Very funny review! Loved it!

But I have a serious story connected with this particular episode, and again I think it illuminates the impact ST has had over the years for so many people in so many ways.

Many years ago my kindergartner was just totally out of control with his behavior at school. I was being called frequently to come to the school office. This particular time, I could see through a window as I approached, that my little guy was lying on the floor in the midst of a major tantrum. Three or four adults were standing around him, bending over and peering down at him. From his perspective, that must have been somewhat terrifying.

Walking around to the office door gave me time to consider how to handle the situation. I remembered how tall, imposing Riker in this episode had crouched down to present a less threatening countenance to the Ferengi.

I walked in, plopped myself down next to my son, sitting cross legged on the floor with my chin in my hand, and looked thoughtfully at him. He calmed down immediately and looked at me with a startled, grateful look in his teary eyes. I had placed myself on his level.

I can remember all those legs standing around us. I think I startled the adults as much as I had my son, but I didn't much care. I wanted to hear what he had to say before everyone else started explaining.

It's one of those rare moments of parenting that you express so well yourself, Wil, when you know you have done something right.

There is a happy ending. My son is a special ed success story. We learned how to deal with his situation and how to help him. He is main-streamed and doing exceptionally well academically in high school. His teachers tell us what a pleasure he is to have in class.

The coda? I am not a short person. My son now towers eight inches over me. And he has recently "discovered" Star Trek for himself, and really identifies with Wesley!

Thanks, Wil, for letting me share this with you.

[GDISTORM]

Great post and review, Wil. I just love your writing style, especially when you are poking fun a people and groups; the sarcasm is just right. Anyway, I wanted to say that my initial introduction to Star Trek was the original series. Despite being 6 when the origial episode aired I never got to see any of the episodes in their original airing. My parents wouldn't allow us to watch it. I didn't get to see it until its rebirth in syndication in the late 70s. When I started in college you could ctually see it somewhere on the tube 2-3 times a day. In the beginning, I must admit, I was not willing to accept TNG as a legitimate descenant, but that changed with time. Probably had something to do do with a young actor named Wil, as well as the general volution of the show. Keep up the great writing Wil, I llook forward to your new effforts every day. Take care!

[a_star_danced]

Fantabulous review! And if you don't want the Frogurt, you can always ask the monkey paw for a non-cursed turkey sandwich (though the turkey might be a little dry).

[sarebear62]

Thanks ZB! Yeah, I've read some of Harlan's stuff.

I also felt, as I watched that episode the other day, that there were choppy, awkward moments . . . . but that the STORY shined (shone?) through.

I especially thought the end was too abrupt, like they'd skipped another 10 minutes of story, although I do realize that the death was supposed to feel abrupt. It was the BEGINNING of that scene that felt like it came too soon, though, and not the death.

I'm going to have to check that book out.

The way this man thought, and WROTE . . . wow. Did you ever meet the guy, Wil?

[Astin]

Yah, those were some lame-ass Ferengi back then. They did, however, manage to keep many aspects of the species and evolve their portrayal through subsequent TNG episodes into the much more in-depth explorations of Ferengi society in DS9. So at least they didn't stay that lame.

As for the writing - Wow, you weren't kidding. It's definitely got some great lines in there, but I'm torn. Is it too wordy and rambling because you need more editing? Or is it a clever literary device you're employing to help the reader fully experience the wordy, rambling exposition found throughout the episode? If the latter, quite clever indeed Mr. Fancy-pants.

[Wil]

If you look at Memory Alpha's page on this episode, Astin, you'll see that it's one of their shortest entries, probably because most of this show is lots and lots and lots of excruciating talking and exposition.

I found myself in a predicament with this one: I could skip over all of that, and turn in a similarly short write up, or I could go entirely the other direction and come up with a review that was just as wordy (and silly) as the episode.

I still think it needs to lose about 1000 words, but I couldn't tell you where to take them out without losing a lot of the jokes. This is a problem I run into with sketch comedy all the time, and we call it "killing your precious babies."

[brianbassett]

List of episodes you should review at some point:

Best Wes:
When The Bough Breaks
Coming Of Age
Peak Performance
Final Mission
The Game
The First Duty

Best Writing:
A Matter Of Perspective
Future Imperfect

Clip show:
Shades Of Gray