Geek in Review: The WFS Story, Part I

If I had to compile a "top ten" list of things I've written since I decided I was a capital-W Writer, the story I've excerpted for this week's Geek in Review would easily make the top five. I love this story, and it's one of my absolute favorites to perform live, for Trekkies and mundanes alike:

WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER, Part I

"So . . . you're the kid on that show?" He seemed annoyed.

My throat and mouth were dry, and my palms were sweating. My heart pounded in my ears, as I answered. "Uh, yes, sir. My name's Wil."

He continued to look at me. I carefully wiped my hand on the hip of my spacesuit, and extended it. "Nice to meet you," I said.

He didn't take my hand.

"What is that, your spacesuit?" He said, and made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a cough.

"Oh? This? Yeah. It's not as cool as yours, but it's what they tell me to wear." I put my hand down. I really wanted to leave. I felt a little light headed. Why wouldn't Captain Kirk shake my hand? And why didn't he like my spacesuit? Could he see the fake muscles? Maybe he didn't like the color. I became hyper-aware of the spandex, clinging to my body, and longed for the comfort of my fleece jacket.

"Well?" He asked.

Oh no. He'd asked me a question, and I'd missed it.

"Excuse me?" I replied.

"I said, what do you do over there?" he asked. There was a challenge in his voice.

"Oh, uh, well, I'm an acting ensign, and I sometimes pilot the ship." Maybe he'd be impressed that I'd already logged several hours at the helm of the Enterprise D, all before the age of 16.

"Well, I'd never let a kid come onto my bridge." He said, and walked away.

I've never put this story online before, because it was part of Dancing Barefoot, and I figured back then that it was a good enough reason to buy the book (<shill>it still is, kids, and it makes a lovely gift for virtually any occasion!</shill>) but I'm pretty sure I've earned everything I'm going to earn from it, and I'm too proud of the work in it to allow it to gather dust in a warehouse while top men wonder why it isn't in the Star Trek section like that Geek book was.

If you like it, please share the link with your friends, and look for part two, one week from today.

Comments

[Pyxl]

This is a great story! Not in the "I'm glad he treated you like a chode" sense, but in a "look at the STAR beat up the kid" sense. I don't see Patrick Stewart ever saying anything like that to what is clearly a fan.

Has age helped Bill chill? Have you ever hit him with the "you know what you did to me?" bit now that you're older?

[Wil]

Yeah, Pyxl, it really has; there's a follow-up to this story in Just A Geek all about that.

[CHV]

Top men...

Excellent work, Mr. Wheaton.

You get another gold star for obscure humor...

[Giladani]

I had a co-worker in the mid-90s who was absolutely fascinated by Shatner, read his autobiography, the works. He recounted a story to me that had me in stitches. He was watching one of the morning shows on the FX network (again, this is mid-90s), and they had a female guest on that show. I want to say it was Soleil Moonfrye but I can't say for sure. Anyway, seemingly out of nowhere, William Shatner walks onto the set and seemingly begins to awkwardly interject himself into the show. The hosts seem off-put by this, as if it was completely unexpected. "Oh...look, it's our friend Bill Shatner". After a few minutes of this, they cut to commercial and when they cut back in Soleil is gone and it's just William Shatner and the host sitting there with Shatner smiling awkwardly.

I always thought that was a terrific story. I love the image of Shatner: just coasting from set to set in a TV studio, interrupting shows and dispelling guests.

[MsSFH]

Okay, which is worse? Wil Wheaton lives with ill-conceived blow-off by William Shatner, or William Shatner lives with having appeared on Tattletales?

In any event, perhaps we could start a campaign of some sort to get Writer Wil Wheaton a gig on an episode or two of Boston Legal—for friendly, mature payback.

[MJBUtah]

AHEM...still waiting for the Dancing Barefoot audiobook that was promised to me at the end of the Just A Geek "audio-bonus-CD-that-was-really-the-expensive-part-and-the-rest-of-the-book-was-free". I believe you said that was "next" two years ago??? Are you telling me that I just need to buy the damn thing in dead tree form?

[kiwichick]

Loved the story in the book... its great that you are sharing it online.

Sounds like the guy was a total prat and should have been more responsible with/respectful of his fame and influence. Not cool.

Patrick Stewart all in all sounds like a class act... a far better person worthy of the title Captin of the Starship Enterprise.

Yes I followed TNG and as a child the orginal... fathers influence orginally but you kept me watching into my later years.

Love the TNG stories.

[Joel]

I'm amused that he could take himself that seriously. Considering his series was absoloutly absurd in so many ways. Sure, the original run had all these fun marxist undercurrents, but seriously?

I totally have to buy your book.

[brazos605]

I had wondered where "WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER" came from. You have shown more restraint than I would have shown had that been my experience. I think I would have just started calling him that "fat-ass dick," or something equally as eloquent.

That just confirms what I always thought: Spock was the cool one.

[Triston]

Speaking of Star Trek. Did you see this? http://entertainment.wikia.com/index.php?title=Ten_Biggest_Nerds_in_TV_History

I see Wesley ranked #9. Way to go...Idaho!!!

[Doog]

SG is not accessible from my work PC!

[smotu]

Heh. I was a huge William Shatner fan until I had an encounter with him at a horse show in Kentucky a few years back. The horse he was riding nearly trampled me, and he didn't even bother to turn around and apologize. Of course, he was riding a horse that he couldn't control (the man is a BAD rider), which may have had something to do with him not apologizing. Even so, I've always thought it was a dickweed move that he didn't at least send one of his many lackeys over to apologize and see if I was okay.

Somehow I figured that his dubbing as WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER by you would have a similar story of dickweedness behind it.

[oedipuscomplextrekfannumbertenmillion]

I had heard his nickname during the TOS years among the stage-crew (and selected others whose names I will not care to speculate on) was "Shat". That is because he tended to $hit on other people, or acted like a $hit, or something. So this kind of behavior from him is no surprise. I have never met him but frankly I don't think I'd want to. He sounds like an arrogant a$$hole and not worthy of the trouble of meeting. He needs to be reminded that his current "fame" comes after only a very long dry spell wherein he was "TJ Hooker" and the priceline.com poster-boy. Nothing to be proud of, careeer-wise for "an actor". Patrick Stewart and others in the Kirk-line have done much better as actors in their craft as well as as human freaking beings.

Really, I don't see the reason for the hero-worship. The Kirk character was good-- it was timely and it was well-done, overall. But it was ONE role among several that "Shat" is otherwise not much to talk about in terms of his acting ability.

Please excuse me if I seem too frank here, but it strikes me you're a better person than he is, Wil. He should be idolizing you, not the other way around.

[Brian Longworth]

William Shatner is the type of actor who gives the rest a bad name.

This is in contrast to another ST actor: Jonathan Frakes.

I had the privilege of meeting him on the set of the episode "Sub Rosa" in Nov '93.

Growing up in a movie-industry family, I've met a lot of actors. I thought William Katt and Chevy Chase and William Shatner are the biggest jerks I've met in the industry. I guess they've forgotten that we all s*** the same.

Mr. Frakes, however, is among the nicest actors I've ever had the honor of meeting (he's a lot taller in person too) (Clint Eastwood and Cary Elwes are also great people).

Mr Frakes was directing that episode and, during a break, took the time to talk to me (like a real person) and to talk to my grandfather and ask about *his* work (he retired as a director a few years ago).

My impression of him was that of someone who get along with everyone and makes genuine friends.

Mirina Sirtis seemed nice too but, I thought it strange how she carried that little dog around everyehere...

[starshine_diva]

This was one of my favorite stories to read in the book. It just made so much sense out of everything else I'd read!

[timelady]

colour me shocked. he ALWAYS came across as a size ten ego in a size four soul (ok, points for getting the reference).

[shrednfred]

I used to have a "William Fucking Shanter" messenger bag I bought here right after reading Dancing Barefoot. Years later, some "William Fucking Shanter" fan busted the window out of my truck and stole it (or maybe it was some punk kid.....whatever). I loved that bag.....and I loved that story......(sigh)

[claire]

I was right there with you as I read. Heck, as an adult I was trained to not even look at actors much less talk to them when I worked as an electric.

Looking forward to part 2!

[Magic_Al]

A second gold star for "top men". I love that I get that.

[Plainsong]

Remember on Slashdot, The Shat did sorta redeem himself, and proclaimed Wil as cool in front of all the geeks. It's not exactly an "I'm sorry I was a jerk that day." But it did happen. ;)

As for him running me down at a horse show, wow, my horse and I both have the same temper. I'd dare him to get away with that. You don't frak with a 16.2hh half-arab and expect to never answer for it. ;)

/He has saddlebreds right? I'm not a good rider either. I don't know why my horse put up with me as she did, but I guess we were just friends, warts and all. But yes, the few saddlebreds I know didn't tolerate newbies. One mare in particular... if you didn't know how to ride when you got on, you knew how when you got off...the last time.

[Magic_Al]

If it's any consolation, WFS lied. Kirk not only let a kid onto his bridge, he gave him an adult Starfleet uniform and let him sit in his chair:

http://www.startrekhistory.com/restoration/lost4.html

(scroll to middle)

[Plainsong]

Speaking of horses, Star Trek, and The Shat, remember in Generations when he upstages Patrick Stewart by riding his horse around him? There was no reason to do that and it took the eye off the other actor....unless his horse said "Now I need to go in a circle and you can't stop me."

I always thought that Stewart should have destroyed the scene by demonstrating a point and riding his horse around in a circle as well, so they would both be going in a circle, saying their lines as normal, and looking ridiculous.

Or who knows, maybe this was actually what he was suppose to do, upstage on purpose - but they're both captains so... who knows? Maybe instead of pointing the upstaging finger, I should be saying "Hey you road in a tight circle, good for you!"

[BBTMagazine]

Brian Longworth said:

"Growing up in a movie-industry family, I've met a lot of actors. I thought William Katt and Chevy Chase and William Shatner are the biggest jerks I've met in the industry. I guess they've forgotten that we all s*** the same."

I know... William Katt blew us off too!

[mirkrim]

bahahah... top men. You are so awesome.

[bassclar]

"I've never put this story online before"

How can that be? I think this is the third time I've heard it, and I have yet to read Dancing Barefoot.

Not that I'm complaining. It's a good story. I'm just puzzled.

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