Geek in Review: The WFS Story, Part I

If I had to compile a "top ten" list of things I've written since I decided I was a capital-W Writer, the story I've excerpted for this week's Geek in Review would easily make the top five. I love this story, and it's one of my absolute favorites to perform live, for Trekkies and mundanes alike:

WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER, Part I

"So . . . you're the kid on that show?" He seemed annoyed.

My throat and mouth were dry, and my palms were sweating. My heart pounded in my ears, as I answered. "Uh, yes, sir. My name's Wil."

He continued to look at me. I carefully wiped my hand on the hip of my spacesuit, and extended it. "Nice to meet you," I said.

He didn't take my hand.

"What is that, your spacesuit?" He said, and made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a cough.

"Oh? This? Yeah. It's not as cool as yours, but it's what they tell me to wear." I put my hand down. I really wanted to leave. I felt a little light headed. Why wouldn't Captain Kirk shake my hand? And why didn't he like my spacesuit? Could he see the fake muscles? Maybe he didn't like the color. I became hyper-aware of the spandex, clinging to my body, and longed for the comfort of my fleece jacket.

"Well?" He asked.

Oh no. He'd asked me a question, and I'd missed it.

"Excuse me?" I replied.

"I said, what do you do over there?" he asked. There was a challenge in his voice.

"Oh, uh, well, I'm an acting ensign, and I sometimes pilot the ship." Maybe he'd be impressed that I'd already logged several hours at the helm of the Enterprise D, all before the age of 16.

"Well, I'd never let a kid come onto my bridge." He said, and walked away.

I've never put this story online before, because it was part of Dancing Barefoot, and I figured back then that it was a good enough reason to buy the book (<shill>it still is, kids, and it makes a lovely gift for virtually any occasion!</shill>) but I'm pretty sure I've earned everything I'm going to earn from it, and I'm too proud of the work in it to allow it to gather dust in a warehouse while top men wonder why it isn't in the Star Trek section like that Geek book was.

If you like it, please share the link with your friends, and look for part two, one week from today.

Comments

[Eric in PA]

As a proud owner of DB, I gotta say I love this story to death. But sometimes, I wonder about the outcome, after the footnote about being on Weakest Link and the post on Slashdot. You ever talk to the Shatman since? You HAD to have caught the roast, I'm sure.

Now that I think about it, you should have been on that roast. You could have torn into him, and all in good fun with a good laugh and a handshake at the end. Would have been sweet.

But what does Comedy Central (or most book industry folks) know, right?

[khereva]

Never a kid on his bridge?

"Hail, hail, fire and snow, mamma jamma!"

Amazing role, dickish actor: alert the media.

Not the most favorite role, excellent guy: a much better deal.

Wil ends up with good life and great family = teh win.

[stikboy]

OK Wil, seemed pretty good to me so I'm taking your little shill to heart - I just ordered all your books from Amazon and I will be prepared to be amused.

[Darren SLC]

I loved this story when I first read it in your book. I don't have the book with me anymore, doesn't it have a better or funnier ending? I thought you met him again and he made up for it or something. When I first met him at a convention it was around ST V and he was a jerk, but years later I met him again and he was cooler. This was after Kirk died in Generations and he kind of wised up to fandom, wrote his book "Get A Life" which was basically a long apology for being such an ass all those years. I'm not defending him, He really is WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER both in a bad-hollywoodholierthan thou-sense and a classic-heyIcanlaughatmyself-icon good sense. Props to you WILL FUCKINGHILARIOUS WHEATON.

[AshXF]

Wil,

You still remain one of my favorite actors, and even though I love all of the series of Star Trek for thier own merits, and I recognize the near godship of some of the original cast, I still appreciate the work you did in what had to be an awkward role of the only kid in a world of adults. (Hey I actually LIKED Wesley, in some cases=o) )

What Shatner did to you was unforgiveable, and I personally would have been hard pressed not to yell at him. As it is, if I ever meet him, I'd likely get his autograph, and then tell him off for it. I think he forgets sometimes that he is not solely Star Trek, and that it was never HIS show but Gene's. Plus he has a record of being a real dick to EVERYONE in Trek, so I guess you should feel honored that he included you. After all, Jimmy Doohan died still not speaking to the jerk.

When it comes down to it, you are a better man than he is. You are a wonderful and loving father to your two stepsons, and your wife Anne is lucky to have you. You're a terrific writer and you speak the language of our generation. I mean, who can't appreciate a fellow 30+ year old who is in love with Guitar Hero? And I know you know this.

Stories like this remind us that the people involved with Trek are real people, with human flaws and when you put people on a pedestal, they WILL act like humans at some point and fall.

Hats off to you, man. You deserve it.

And after that "get a life!" crap from Shatner to us fans, as far as I'm concerned, he can kiss all of our collective asses. Without the fans, he had no job in the first place.

---Ashley

[Lactoso the Intolerant]

Okay, Wil, you shillin' bastahd. :-) You got me to buy the book. Great story, must... read.... more....

BTW, any particular reason 'Just a Geek' isn't available in softcover?

[ocomik]

Thanks for posting online... It reads even better than the first time around.

Howard, as in Stern, played an audio clip of WFS today doing some voice work for some type of commercial.

The clip is of WFS doing takes and then dialoguing with the producer/director about what it is they are actually looking for as it relates to him reading the script.

At one point, WFS actually turns the tables and has the producer/director almost in tears and apologizing profusely for daring to question the original method that WFS chose to perform the script.

Although, Shatner appears to maintain his composure, you sense a bit of evilness coming from him as he questions the producer/director. Kind of like the cat toying with the mouse before the final kill.

Even George Takei mentioned something to the effect of how it shows how diabolically evil WFS can be.

[opak]

Wait anyone else notice this? HE made fun of YOU while he was "making" Star Trek V???

Star Trek V...THE worst movie in the franchise. Mr. Shat needs a nice big cup of STFU...IMO the first appearance of the Ferrengi was better than that POS.

[Bender4Pharoah]

"Scar tissue builds character" is what I always say. There's nothing like getting kicked in the nuts by your hero to fuel the rage you need to take over the world. Living well is the best revenge, so look forward to the day when you can shove a New York Times Best Seller, Pulitzer, Oscar, or Geek of the Year award down his throat.

[michaelk]

Dammit, now I have to wait a week to read the rest? Gah.

OTOH, given SG's recent and ongoing treatment of Lithium Picnic, I don't know that I want to give that site any more views. If even any of what I read is true, I have to wonder if you know what's been going on there, Wil.

[Kristy]

yay! Thanks for sharing this story; it's fantastic. (I love the podcast of you performing it at...some-convention-in-Tahoe-I-forget-the-name.)

In unrelated news, I finally saw Stand By Me last night. We have a new cineplex here in Eugene and last night was "Made in Oregon" night. I love the meta that you grew up to be a writer.

[Nadia]

I remember reading in George Takei's autobiography as well that Shatner wasn't the most charming of individuals.

Great story, Wil. Waiting for Part 2... :)

[mrfrodothefluffy]

Ok, I've totally been saying to myself that I am going to buy your books for awhile now....but this post cinched it! That is what I'm going to read over spring break.

[CelticWitch99]

That's it...I have to go buy this book.

This story makes me think twice, however, about approaching a celebrity I may meet that I admire. Its comforting to know not all of them are screaming idiots, but with my luck I'd happen onto one!

[golfwidow]

"Shatner" is just the past tense of "shit."

[dragonfey]

Somewhat unrelated but thought you might be interested. A Finnish government official running for re-election has a website in Klingon.

http://www.kasvi.org/index.php?eng

[Stephen]

Take a look at this Kirk poster . It seems to sum up Shatners attitude.

[Jake]

Hello Wil.
I am among your biggest fans.I've just finished reading your book"Just A Geek".Many of your experiences that were mentioned in this book I could relate to.
Stand By Me is my all time favourite movie.You,River,Corey and Jerry really struck a chord with me.
I liked your role in TNG too.
Your role in Toy Soldiers is another favourite of mine.Though it's a shame they killed off your Joey character midway through that film.Any particular reason why the writers did that?
There is one movie that you costarred in that is not at all mentioned in your book.It was a TV film from 1995 that was based on a true story.It Was Him Or Us ,starring Ann Jillian,Monique Lanier and Richard Grieco.That film struck a chord with me.Richard Grieco seemed to steal the show in that film.It quite disturbed me how he beat you up in one scene.I hope he didn't end up hurting you for real.
As I recently read through your book,I felt for you and symapthise with you.Keep in mind that Hollywood is a"dog eat dog"town,if you catch my drift.Don't let it get you down.You are worth much more than that.