family circus

Some family funnies from over the weekend:

Anne was getting ready to go jogging early Saturday morning, and I asked her if I could tag along.

"I think I'm going to go kind of far today," she said, "so if you don't mind the extra distance, you can come."

"How far are you going to run?" I said.

"Well," she said, "first, I'm going to go 500 miles . . . then I'll go 500 more . . ."

"That's how far you're going to walk," I said. "How far are you going to run?

She looked at me for a moment, smiled, and hollered proclaimed, "DA DA DA DAAAA! DA DA DA DAAAA!!! DADADADADUMDADADUMDADADUMDADAAAAA"

Later that day, Anne and I took the kids out to my brother's for a surprise birthday dinner my dad had put together for my mom.

When we were about a mile from his house, a guy pulled up next to us at a red light in a really obnoxious truck. It was incredibly loud, and due to modification of its suspension and some ridiculously huge tires, was easily two and a half times taller than my car.

Just to make sure we saw him, I guess, he gunned his engine. It shook my car, and was very unpleasant.

"Wow," Nolan said, "someone is compensating for something."

"Yeah," Ryan said, "he can't satisfy his wife, but he sure can satisfy the road."

From time to time, I forget that my kids are teenagers (Ryan will be 18 in a few months) and that they've picked up my sense of humor over the last decade or so. When they do things like this, it's like a bucket of cold water over my head (though, in my mind, it's actually Gatorade. Stepparents of the world FTW!!1)

Before dinner, I played Guitar Hero II with my dad. Oh man. I can't even recreate the experience, but it was awesome watching my ultraconservative dad rock out to Shout at the Devil, complete with throwing the goat.

After dinner, we played Apples to Apples. I play this game all the time with Anne and the kids, but it was the first time my parents and siblings had played. They grokked the game instantly, and it got silly, then wacky, and quickly settled into zany.

The green card was "awkward," and Ryan was the judge. All the cards were thrown into the middle, and while Ryan gathered them up:

"Man, I wish I had teenagers!" Nolan said.

"More like angry hornets," Anne said.

"How about 'The Talk,'" My mom said.

"EWW! MOM! GROSS!" My brother, sister and I all shouted in unison.

Ryan started flipping over cards, and eventually got it down to Helen Keller and T-Rex (the dinosaur, not the band.)

"I think you have to pick T-Rex," my brother said.

"Why?" Ryan said.

My brother assumed an academic tone and posture. I could see the tweed jacket and pipe as he spoke in an affected Ivy League voice. "Because the T-Rex, better known as the Awkwardsaurus --"

Maybe it's not as funny to read it in a blog, but it was one of the funniest things I've ever heard while playing the game, which is saying something because I've played it hundreds of times.

"He's right," Ryan said. "T-Rex wins."

"But Helen Keller!" I said, and made some motions that were in such bad taste, that's all I'm going to say about them.

"YES!" Jeremy pumped his fist, threw his imaginary pipe into an imaginary fireplace, and grabbed the green card.

"I win! One to nothin'!"

Yes, we were all winners, but in a more accurate sense, the winner was my dad, despite my sister's efforts to throw two or three cards into the middle for several rounds before she got caught by me ("Wait a minute. There are not twelve people in this game.")

It was a great weekend, and all the things we did together reminded me how I've really hit the cosmic lottery with my family.

For the last several months, I've worked longer hours on harder work than ever before, and it's been all too easy to become overwhelmed by responsibility and exhaustion (creative and otherwise) and take everyone in my family (those people I'm working so hard to support) for granted. When I realized this last week, I started giving myself permission -- since upgraded to a directive -- to take time off every afternoon and play Frisbee with the kids or take a jog with my wife, or just do something to enjoy and strengthen the bonds that make this family, well, my family.

Though we had a great time this weekend, there was a bit of sadness lingering beneath the surface for me. My mom turned 29 again on Friday (I'm not sure how she does this, especially since my brother and I have both passed her, but my dad assures me it would be best not to investigate it too thoroughly.) This year was the first time in my life I thought about how my parents really are getting older, which means that I'm getting older, and it was the first time I've ever thought that -- especially after they all move up to Montana and Ryan goes to college  -- I'm not going to have weekends like these with my family as often as I'd like.

It was a timely reminder to balance the responsibility of working with enjoying the people who make the work worthwhile . . .

I'd examine this more deeply, but I just realized that my wife has been waiting for an hour for me to finish writing, so we can walk our dogs.

Comments

[morgan]

Wil,
I have to agree with you 100% about Apples to Apples. It is such a wonderful time especially when you get to that ZANY stage. Over the holidys, when we are all able to get the whole family together, we play and have a blast. Oh and Ticket to Ride of course is a family favorite. If you get the itch to do a Con this year I think it should be GenCon in Indy! We are going to have a blast!! Thanks for sucha great blog Wil, it totally breaks up the monotony of the work day!!

[Pyxl]

I hear you about your parents aging. After my mother and stepfather passed away last year, it took awhile to just deal with the grief...but after that, it hit me. I'm an adult and I'm "it". I have nobody other than pals to run to in the event of real trouble. That, and there's nobody to answer to in quite the same way you have to answer to a parent. I look at my daughter and think about how awful it will be for her to someday see us age and eventually die...and it makes me want to spend that much more time with the people that matter.
So what am I doing looking at your blog? I'm outta heeeeere.

[rmd]

okay, i'm a frackin idiot. i can't figure out what Anne was hollering. is that "chariots of fire"?

also, yay apples-to-apples. it's an excellent game that occasionally gets dragged out at parties at my place. last time, we had someone who was too young to actually read particularly much playing, and she did surprisingly well. :-)

also, yeah, it's tough realizing you're the adult and your parents are, well, getting old. i see my dad slowing down and it's scary in all sorts of ways.

[Rachel]

We introduced my parents to Apples to Apples last time they came up to visit. We were up until 3am -- my dad says he can't remember the last time he stayed up that late.

[Elizabeth]

RMD - it's that song by The Proclaimers, "500 Miles"....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQfqSWe8eVE

[rmd]

Elizabeth: thanks! i'm familiar with the song, but somehow failed to map the DA DA DA part onto it.

i'll be off in a corner feeling dumb, now.

[PirateAlice]

I LOVE Apples to Apples. Played it this weekend with my friends, then a round of Munchkin. So much fun!

RMD - I'm with you, I could NOT figure out the DA DA DA.. I'm in the corner feeling dumb with you.

[Sandra Vannoy]

This really brought back memories. My dad is a total board-games geek, and we (my brothers and I) grew up playing games with him -- Risk, Pit, Mille Bornes, Monopoly...

I need to take the box of games when we go visit next month, and teach him and the Non-Wicked Stepmother(tm) Apples to Apples.

Your writing gets more and more evocative and moving all the time. But curse you for the "500 Miles" earworm. You'll pay for that. ;-)

[Amber J]

I definitely need to introduce my folks to Apples to Apples sometime... such a good game.

The Proclaimers, eh? I always thought that first Da DA dah! was "Miranda!" ... maybe he was walking 500 for a gal named Miranda. However the internet lyrics sites are disagreeing with me.

And yes, it is now stuck in my head, too. Kthxbye, jerks!

[Thorpe]

Guitar Hero II seems great. I want to try and get it myself on Xbox 360 for some extra songs. I think you were referring to the Xbox 360 version? Anyway, rock on dood.

[mxley]

Isn't it so wonderful having teens?! I had two steps who are now very cool adults, and one son of my own. He is now 20, and at university.

You may have fewer "whole family" gatherings - but isn't that what you're aiming for? You and your wife have been busy raising adults. It is just so cool when they are!

[Tara]

That is such a great post. At least you appreciate your family. A lot of people a lot older than you and me (we're about the same age) live most of their lives before they learn that lesson.

Well done, WW. And thanks for sharing. :-)

[Jill Urbane]

Good to know I'm not the only one with a parent who likes to rock out. My mom's song of choice? Highway to Hell.

[BML]

>My mom turned 29 again on Friday
>(I'm not sure how she does this,
>especially since my brother and I
>have both passed her, but my dad assures
>me it would be best not to investigate
>it too thoroughly.)

This is easy to explain - she is 10 years younger than Jack Benny. [at least that is what my mother always said.]

Brian

[Lance]

You are wonderfully blessed. :-) It took me until I was several years older than you are now to truly learn to appreciate my family. We have a lot of rocky ground between us because my life and lifestyle is so different from theirs, but I'm learning to overcome that divide and enjoy my time with my parents, my brother, and my sister. Your writings inspire me to continue this difficult and rewarding journey.

[SandieK]

500 Miles is also a popular Camp Dance/Energizer song. Be glad she didnt do this part.

...

Or did she? Hop up and down in a circle and did some kinda Charlie Brown hopthing?

[Valerie S]

I, too, love Apples to Apples. We play it when we visit our friends in Altadena. (That's in LA County.) ;)

[Denise]

Great post, Wil. I really enjoyed it. But I believe it was your closing paragraph that really grabbed me because I can relate to it so much right now within my own family.

It's bittersweet, but much sweeter then it is bitter.

[Julia]

(Long time lurker, first time commenter)Really wonderful post, thank you.

We got Apples to Apples as a gift at Christmas but have not played it yet. Now I'm inspired to get a gang together.

But DANG IT WIL! I have that song stuck in my head.

[Kim]

No freaking way -- this past weekend, my husband and I were also playing Apples to Apples with my folks, total newbies to the game. And "Helen Keller" totally won the Awkward, too. Plus, "Anne Frank" got Hopeless. We're a sick, sick bunch.

Do you have the rule that "Hot Lava" wins whenever it's thrown? 'Cuz, dude, Hot Lava!

Gotta love the Proclaimers.

[Wil]

Kim: Hot Lava, Charging Rhinos, and Angry Hornets are all trump cards in our games.

[angie k]

You truly have a wonderful family and it inspires me how much you appreciate them. I'm still learning how to appreciate my family even though they'd never get into "Apples to Apples" or nearly anything else I'd do. :) Wonderful post - lovely to hear you talk about your amazing crew! (18 already? Well gosh, now I'm feeling old...er.:) )

[calluna76]

Re: trump cards... There's not a lot that "driving over a cliff" can't be applied to, either.

Speaking of wacky and slightly perverse card games, have you played "Falling"? It involves a lot of throwing and yelling and screwing over your loved ones to hit the ground last (as the tagline says, "It's not much of a goal, but it's all you could think of on the way down"). It's great for when you've got a punchy crowd on your hands.

[Sagadon]

I love Apples-to-Apples. Whenever we play there's two cards that generally win hands down every time. "Charging Rhinos" and "Hitler". They're like wild cards. Instant win picks. Glass slippers. I have no idea what would happen if they were played against each other. Possibly Apple Pie.

[Sabrina]

Being a step parents is the most rewarding experience of my life. At first, however, I'd thumb at my mother who always repeated the saying, "Just wait until you have children, karma." I figured since I didn't have them, no way would I get to deal with a little entity growing up to be like me. Ha ha, how wrong I was about the order of the universe. Since when did these little angels download my sarcasm, speech, movement, preferences? Lord help them! When did they become little mirrors of me? Now my mom laughs while I'm on the phone asking, "What do I do?" Also, when I look at my parents I don't see them as getting older, but when I look at their hands, that's when it hits me. You can see wrinkles and spots that weren't their 10 years ago, 5 years ago. I can't imagine a world where I won't be able to call up my mother and ask her, "So what do I do about these kids now?"