Geek in Review: The Damn Parents Today

The week's Geek in Review is about something that really grinds my gears: some of the damn parents today.

I've recently concluded that there is, in fact, an entire generation of parents, about my age or just a little older, who are substituting technology for parenting. As a result, there's an entire generation of children who are overstimulated and undersocialized, and in some cases heavily medicated, because their damn parents would rather distract them with a DVD or video game than, you know, interact with them.

Is this the new way we're supposed to raise emotionally healthy and well adjusted kids? I must have missed a memo, because these people are everywhere.

[. . .]

I know this basic phenomenon is nothing new. As long as television has existed, parents have sat their kids in front of it while they did other things, but the current portability of media, and the complexity and depth of handheld video games, is leading to a generation of kids who are so used to its constant presence, when it's taken away, they just don't know what to do with themselves -- and neither do their parents. If you've ever seen a kid running around a grocery store like a ferret on crystal meth, while their hapless parent stands by and avoids eye contact with other shoppers, you know what I mean.

I love technology, and I love to watch movies and play video games, but kids need to be raised by their parents, not Sony. Kids should play with other kids, and when they do, they should stay off my goddamn lawn.

Comments

[Marymiaow]

I totally agree!! It's mad! I am a teacher and the amount of kids with games consoles, tv's and DVDs in their room is immense. When I was a kid I used to have to watch TV with my parents or not at all. I feel sorry for the kids - it's the parents fault. Some people just shouldn't be allowed to have kids x

[Marymiaow]

Lovin the book by the way - it was hard to find in the UK though x

[Carrie]

I am not yet a parent, but I fall in the right age bracket. Several of my friends have small children, and it's interesting to see the different rules that they apply when it comes to TV/video games. I find it utterly appalling that my cousin's son (age 5) has not one video game system, but FOUR--and that doesn't even count the portable ones! Of course, most of the time he's a little monster who doesn't interact well with other people, and I can't say I'm surprised. I've actually never owned a dedicated video-game system--all my computer games were of the "educational" variety, and ran on our PC. While I don't condemn them in principle, I just don't see allowing generations of children to be turned into zombies.

I also didn't have a television in my room until I was a junior in college. I did, however, have a childhood filled with books, board games, jigsaw puzzles, bike riding, and wiffleball with other kids.

[Drev]

I agree wholeheartedly, Wil.

We limit our older daughter to three movies per week. (Our younger daughter isn't interested in movies yet). That's about the only exposure to technology she gets. Sometimes we'll let her play games on the Nickelodeon website, but that's rare.

Guess what she does when she's not watching a movie? She's coloring, drawing, riding her big wheel outside, dancing, or some other healthy activity.

I do have to admit, though, that sometimes it's just easier to plop them in front of the TV. But that should be a last resort. Parents rely on it far too much, and it's hurting not only their children, but the future of our society.

[alikitty619]

I 100% agree. I feel for these kids, they are missing out on some of life's greatest moments.

[Ben Jarrell]

Not to put too fine a point on it, but you are so fucking right. We're at point as a society that you can easily choose not to have kids if you don't want to be a parent, and these people need to buy a clue, not another DVD about animated penguins.

While it's nice to have the technological distraction available, nothing beats playing with Legos or drawing with sidewalk chalk with someone who loves you.

[mxley]

"Ferret on crystal meth" - OMG, I hurt myself laughing at that phrase.

We didn't get all the gaming systems when my kid was growing up - but he certainly enjoyed them at friends' houses. I am rewarded with a son who does have balance in his life.

Awesome article Wil!

Mary

[ttrentham]

I caught it on the SG RSS feed earlier this afternoon. My favorite quote:

"When this generation of kids, who have never learned how to sit still or entertain themselves for more than a few minutes at a time, grow up and meet the creepy home schooled kids whose parents have substituted mythology for science and history, the shit is really going to hit the fan."

We're taking a road trip this summer with the kids. We'll have a portable DVD player and a GameBoy with us, but they'll be used in moderation and certainly not when we arrive at campsites.

We were at a wedding in an episcopal church on Saturday and a boy, who appeared to be 9 or 10 and granted seemed to have some developmental delays, played his GameBoy through the entire service and at one point was lying down on the pews in the church. I'm a lapsed Catholic and even I thought it was very disrespectful. No class at all.

[Chris]

Nicely stated. This is why my car will never have one of those video systems in it. Trips are for bonding and growing, not for veging out on.

[Plainsong]

I agree 100%. When you see a 17 year old big strong boy openly sobbing because his Xbox and tv were physically removed from his room, something's not right. I totally love gaming also, sure there are marathon sessions, but it's not EVERYTHING.

Technology can really bring families together, as long as you don't let it rule your life.

[Destroyer Of Worlds]

Agree, agree, agree. I am lucky however. I have a 6 y/o grandson, who just won't watch a television, he does not have any video games, actually not much electronic.

He does love to take a walk with grandpa, go fishing with Daddy, cook with Mommy, play with his friends ( on the lawn ), ride his bike, skateboard, play baseball, football, or anything else that involves being outside the house.

This is because his parents have taken a lot of time to be with him ( and now with his sister ), read to him, teach him about the Earth, teach him about Life. His parents are involved in him and with him, and he is involved with teaching his 1 y/o sister and with his friends, who also are not electronics freaks.

He remarked, the other day after school, that one of the kids had a cell phone ( 6 years old ) and he thought it was stupid snce the only one he would call are his parents and he would rather see them.

So I think "the parents" must be doing something right ?

Of course the rest of Life is ahead and we live in an area where the school systems are more interested in keeping kids happy than teaching ( NNJ ). Where even "gym" is optional.

Such a waste.

TH

[Rhettro]

Balance is key. My son has plenty of access to tv, movies and video games. He also has full access to me and his mother. He's a straight A student and has made the Principal's List several times. Entertainment isn't the problem, the problem is parental neglect. As long as you are active in your child's life, all the other stuff doesn't matter.

[Tara]

I totally agree with you Wil. I am a young, single parent (11yrs younger than you) of a 2 year old. He's already a geek. He loves everything to do with technology, but I won't let him get involved in computers or games yet (he maybe gets 15 minutes a week of noggin.com). I live with my brother, his wife and 2 kids (5 and 3). He is addicted to the computer. He is on his computer 90% of the time he is home (the other 10% of the time is split between the PS2 and Wii). When he has the day off he plays his silly games while the kids run around. His wife isn't much better, she sits the kids in front of the TV (both her kids have TVs and DVD players in their rooms, and their 5 year old has satellite) while she plays on her laptop (she is going to school online which is her excuse, but so am I and I wait until the kids are in bed before I log on). I admit there are times when I sit them in front of the TV so I can mop the kitchen without them stepping on the floor, but I prefer to do something constructive with them.

Now that spring is here (and summer around the corner) I think kids should be outside as much as possible. Yesterday when I got home from work about 6:00p my brother and sister-in-law were already home doing their things not playing with the kids. I went inside got some dinner and took dinner and JAG (I know behind the curve there) and the kids to play. I told my sister-in-law (not my brother because I know it's useless) to come outside to help me watch the kids play for an hour until bath and bed time. She came outside and sat on the stoop, put her chin in her hand and looked bored. I asked her what was wrong, and she said, get this, "it's boring out here". I couldn't beleive it. Since when is it boring to play with kids who have such HUGE imaginations?!?

Parents these days. I'm glad I'm not one. My son is the one person who I LOVE to hang out with, even at 2:)

[busymomma]

I love ya Wil. I've been a reader for awhile, but I have to comment on all of this. As to your comment of "and when I was younger, I took my Mattel Football and then Gameboy just about everywhere with me, but my parents gave me limits, (I didn't miss Old Faithful erupting because I was playing Tetris, for example) and they certainly never brought our Atari 2600 with us on a vacation." They didn't bring your Atari 2600, but they did let you bring hand held devices. Why is one ok--and the other not? They are both video games, when is one less addicting than another? It's more about the drawing of a boundary for the child, not which kind of console they use.

Also, I am an avid camper. It is the only way we do vacation, mainly because it is the only way we can afford vacation. We do bring our laptop with us on vacation, and do appreciate the Wi-Fi. It makes finding out directions, hours, and admission to various activities alot more pleasant than carrying a huge folder of printouts along. Also, when we camp in a tent, and there's a thunderstorm coming--we generally like to go to a movie or something. Getting the last minute details is surely handy. We, also, use it to download pictures and email them to grandma and grandpa. It's very handy.

I have a 13 year old and a 7 year old. They both love the computer and love their PS2. They also love lacrosse, riding bikes, going to the beach, running around like morons on sunny days, reading, drawing, etc--just as I do. No they do not have tvs in their room, and neither do I. It's all about balance, and learning there are times for everything. I am also sure if you took a snapshot of our family at various times we would also look like a zombie family, or my child acts like "a kid running around a grocery store like a ferret on crystal meth," but in the end, that's not who we are (well my daughter is after winning her lacrosse game.)

[SandieK]

It wasnt all that long when I had a similar conversation with a friend of mine. Both of us were disgusted by the over-use of tech that parents use to distract their kids.
And the thing is, my friend can be on either end of the spectrum. On one hand, he's the biggest computer-geek/genius I know. I consider myself upper-intermidiate, but he goes over a string of stuff, and then I feel like the lady in the lab who couldnt figure out how to insert the floppy disk in the drive.

On the other hand, he can more or less drop everything and do without, except for whats needed for emergency purposes only.

My kids will know what they need to about tech, but theyll know for damn sure what to do without it.

My question: these kids that are dependant upon the gameboys and the PSPs...what will thier kids be like?

[stoolpigeon]

i'd just like to say that if sony is raising your kids - you need to wake up. between the root-kit and the insane price on the ps3 - you should definitely be going with nintendo. they are back in a big way.

what?

nintendo raised me and i came out all right.

i'd say more but i need to get back to trolling slashdot.

[Drev]

In regards to traveling... For their entire lives, we've never given our daughters much of anything to do while we travel. We often spend 1-1.5 hours in the car when going to visit our folks. They don't watch DVDs, they don't even have coloring books, etc. About they only thing they have is a little magna-doodle thing. We tried to avoid getting them addicted to car-activities from the start, because we knew it would just make things worse down the road.

One day, my wife was driving our girls somewhere, and it became quiet in the back seat. She glanced back and saw our younger daughter napping, and our older daughter was looking out the window. My wife asked her what she was doing, and my daughter replied, "Just thinking."

It was a simple thing, but it really made me proud of my daughter.

[Nika]

Children who's parents take the time to interact with and talk to their children behave so differently from children who's parents use technology as a babysitter.
I have a very good friend who's six year old son won't listen to her and behaves how he pleases. He is constantly climbing on things, getting into stuff that doesn't belong to him and is just generally rambunctious. Yet the kid can run the damn DVD player, play on his "PlayCube," find specific songs on the ol' iPod, and all sorts of crazy shit that I can't do so howinell does a six year old.

Another friend has beautifully behaved two year old twins. She takes them to the park, reads to them, tells them to be nice to each other, takes them to baby gym class. They are out doing things together and the children realize that there are consequences to their action, even at age 2.

Parents today generally count on technology to raise their children and it is causing mass social retardation and podpersonitis.
Wil, I love hearing about you and Anne playing Apples to Apples with your children and taking them places and cherishing the time you have and listening to the things they say. We, the loyal readers, only get to hear the funny bits that you choose to pass along, but those bits show that it is possible to outgrow that awkward pod person stage.
Congratulations on your amazing family, Wil. You will never look back and say, "Golly, I wish I hadn't spent so much time with them when they were kids."

[ericisrad]

Something as silly as playing Settlers of Catan with my kids one day actually sounds pretty damn exciting. They'll be beating me up for my wheat and bricks before I know it.

[Lew]

Hi Wil,

I've been reading your blog for years and love it. Just had to comment on this one. If one chooses to be a parent, then be a parent and don't abdicate your responsibilites because it's "easier" to put the kids in front of a tv, or video game, etc. There's nothing wrong with these things in moderation but it's really getting out of hand. Thanks for the great post!

[Mel Francis]

My 13 year old son thinks he's abused because I refuse to give him a cell phone and I make him go outside to play every day.

I'm one mean bitch. I'm surprised the government hasn't swooped in to stop the abuse I'm doling out on my poor children.

[Cherikooka]

I've said the same thing about a million times. My kid has got electronic crap, but he's limited to his time on it. When he gets grounded, he's grounded from anything electronic (except his guitar or keyboard) and he has confessed that he actually likes being grounded because he hangs out with me more. We cook and talk and do puzzles and all kinds of little things. I like it too. Needless to say, he gets grounded from electronics A LOT!
-Cheri

[Istielthia]

It seems as though now that I've broken the seal, I can't get myself to shut up.

I feel much the same way as most other readers. Technology is great, with set limits and borders. I'm nearly 30 (oh dear god NO!) and I still don't have a tv in my bedroom. My fiance and I have decided that when we eventually have children, we might have a tv in our bedroom, just so we can watch tv together that we might not necessarily want our children exposed to at various ages.

However, we do have some comprimising to do when it comes to if and when our kids should get different kinds of their own tech and at what ages. Hopefully we'll figure it out. ;-)

[rachel h]

You definitely struck a nerve with a lot of people. Our son goes to the local Waldorf School, in part because it's one of the few places where he can be with kids who don't spend all their time full face to the electronic glow box. His friends are happy, well adjusted, and able to keep themselves busy, because they get very limited exposure to media at a young age. It's pretty cool.

I think a lot of what is going on these days is just plain ignorance about what heavy duty media does to little kids. Think about how much more information children's brains are required to process these days as compared to 100 years ago. We just aren't built for it developmentally, so hence all the ADHD, etc.. IMHO.

[shewhobeatsass]

While I am only a teenager and not a parent (to a real child anyways...me and my roommate became the proud parents of a beta fish named Ernie today), I must say that I agree with everything written and commented. When I was little, my parents encouraged me and my little sister to run around and play outside. However, we still ran around like ferrets on crystal meth when we went anywhere, so I guess it can go both ways. Seeing as how I'm now nearly 20, I mostly sit on the tiny apartment balcony and watch the kids play, but there is the occasional basketball game with my nutzy college friends to get me active. And once the apartment complex's pool opens, I'll be outside 24/7...when I don't have classes.

[minderbinder]

I have a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old who run around like really nervous ferrets on really good crystal meth every time we go to the grocery store and it has nothing to do with TV or video games. (They spend A LOT of time in the backyard running around like the aforementioned ferrets on the previously noted crystal meth.) My two kids love to run and love to play with each other and love to make each other laugh. So next time you see my kids screaming through the Pavilion's or slapping the lobster tank because they look "sleepy", don't blame it on my poor parenting style regarding video games and TV. Blame it on my poor parenting style regarding the fact that I get too much of a kick out of seeing these two kids crack each other up poking at the fish eyeballs next to the lobster tank.

[GeekessDaisy]

As a mother of 3 boys (6, 3, and 2 months) and a wife of a total computer geek (I'm a closet geek myself) I think it's all about moderation. Tech is ok, but aslong as that's not ALL they get. Children should be out running around, joining sports teams etc. But I also think that computers are going to be a big thing for their generation, and I wouldn't want them growing up without some knowledge of them as I do think that this will put them back when they try to get careers as adults. Yes my 6 year old has his own computer (right beside mine in our den) and yes he can find his songs on my iPod, but he also likes to read and play eye-spy while traveling.

[Ronnie G.]

I'm drowning in hyperbole here Wil. Please define "generation" for us, as you're using it in your column.

Thanks.

[Thinine]

Hate to say it Wil, but it seems that you're just making a whole lot of assumptions here. Assuming what the kid camping was doing and why, why the kids were watching stuff in the SUV, assuming that all of the parents you saw were substituting TV for parenting. And you know what happens when you assume. STOP MAKING AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF!!!

[R Filyaw]

Wil, you're right. Anyone who disagrees is either a parent you described, or an argumentative ass.

And Thinine, pertaining to your last sentence, cease calling the kettle black, pot.

[C.Adam]

Imagine these children being diagnosed with aspergers where kicked out of their houses in the summer to go play with other children instead of being hooked up to their Computers and Gaming consoles!!!

Parents are lazy, it's easier to pop a DVD in of Elmo, Barney, or Caillou than it is to chase the kid around the house and have fun. I have a toddler, and they are full of energy, and to be honest not for everyone. But fuck, if you're driving 5 minutes to the store have the kids play a game, like.. look for the cop before he busts mommy... or point out mommy's boyfriend. good games.

I'll admit, we used DVD's when we drove from Colorado to Alaska this past January. Cooping a toddler up in a car for a week isn't fair, and in -50 degree weather stopping for her to run around isn't an option..

But up here I see vacationers coming up here in the kick ass rigs, but have Satellite TV/Internet, and then don't even do anything when they get here. I mean come on people!!! Go rafting. Punch a Moose... something. Or at least go to a local Coffeehouse, get some live music, drink some coffee, and use their internet.

We're sterilizing our lives, and this is just another symptom...

[elmegil]

What horse hockey Wil.

Remember the 70's?

Remember TV parenting?

It's different tech, but it's the same damn thing. Most of my generation has turned out ok, and I daresay much of yours as well.

If anything, the thing i hate the most isn't the portability of the media, but the insidious nature of consumer culture and advertising that pervades EVERYTHING any more.

[TitanKT]

First of all, I totally agree with you.

Second, this is a strong opinion that basically villifies a non-specific segment of the population... anyone who allows their child(ren) to play video games could conceivable be personally affronted by what amounts to your accusations of lackidasical and uninvolved parenting. Let's don't concern ourselves right now if this is true or not (it is); standby to take some shit over having had the courage to stand up and state the truth in plain (painful) terms.

I admit I have to work at striking a balance myself for my son. If I allowed it, my son would play video games 24/7 and he learned about video games from no one but me. He's only 5 and already I have to restrict his game playing. We've had numerous conversations already about how games are fun and I like them, too, but that they're just games and not real life and while you play games, you're MISSING real life. Hey, sometimes that's okay. Games and portable DVDs can be real lifesavers in certain situations. But, yes, you have to set limits.

Personally, and I'm prepared for the shit I'll take for having said this, I think a lot of people are too self-involved to have had children. They weren't prepared for the amount of time and attention children require ALL the time and find themselves resentful over having to spend the time. Which is why they allow they placate their children with DVDs and games... so they can get a moment to themselves.

And that doesn't even address that these probably brought it on themselves by spoiling their children as toddlers and pre-schoolers by catering to their every whim. Eventually, they just get tired.

Of course not all parents are like this! I NEVER subscribe to sweeping generalizations, but I myself have observed large majorities of parents and children have succumbed to the pacification of the blue glow. I agree that this doesn't serve anyone.

Bravo for speaking your mind so eloquently, Wil. I wish I thought having said something would make some difference... but odds are it won't.

[Brenda]

I a guilty of using the TV to entertain my children while I complete various tasks. I am a single mom with two jobs and I go to school myself. I do however, take time out to play ball with my boys, take them to the park, have picnics, or come up with some new and interesting thing to do. I WILL NOT get those portable devices though. I am not going to get anything that will substitute for taking valuable time with my precious babies. I will not get those moments back and I want to cherish each and every one

[carla]

As a step parent of a 17 year old girl, it was a rude awakening first of all to realize I was instantly old the second she came into my life 7 years ago. Secondly since knowing her and her very fine friends I have stated for these past years they are over communicated and under socialized. Her father and I have tried as part time parents to be as "normal" as we can be. And by "normal" I mean the forced vacations, the dining together at the table, the fun chores of fixing said meal and then cleaning up afterwards. As my husband says you never know when you're making a memory. I think that someday she will fondly look back on the "good ol days" and long for our more simple life. (crossing of fingers) We just try to counter attack all the technology by having real conversations and very little TV.
Very well said, Wil, Brava!

[Eye Level Pasadena]

Playing world of warcraft while camping sounds kind of fun. (Ducking now.) :)

[zume]

Wow... everyone knows so much... everyone is so aware of other people's parenting faults. I guess it would be unsocial to disagree...

I have a child who sometimes "runs around like a ferret on crystal meth". We've gotten it so that she won't do it in a store (or we just avoid taking her to the store). We've been asked by well-meaning people "how much TV does she watch?" The answer is 20 minutes a day on week-days. Other parents avoid us unless they won't their kids tired out because she runs them ragged. She is just supremely active, super fit, high on life! She watches TV occasionally, never on the weekends because there's so much intersting stuff to do! She once played Pajama Sam... hated it. She is constantly begging me to go outside with her and play tag, climb trees, run races, dig for gold, make a fort, plant flowers, explore, run more races, chase squirrels, make mud pies, play hide and seek, and pole vault. And I'm an overweight 43 year-old and I can't keep up.

There's no way that a child like that can walk slowly through a grocery store for 30 minutes while an adult ponders the selection of yogurts. So next time you see a kid who can't sit still don't assume that its a withdrawal from TV.... it could just be that sitting still is really boring!

[shauna]

I have a 3 year old and a 4 year old. For the past school year, they both have been in school all day, and when they're home, they have a toy room. Yes, it does have a TV, but it only has Nick and the Disney Channel. They do watch cartoons in the mornings, for a while. Then they play with their toys, help around the house, ride their tricycles outside, dance, run around, wreck the house, and do all those annoying, aggrivating things that normal, healthy, energetic young boys do. They have their own movies that they can watch from time to time, but they don't have any gaming systems. Yes, they do watch their dad when he plays, but only for a while. Then it's back up again. We talk, we communicate, and believe me, my husband and I definitely participate in the lives of our children. I admit, I do sometimes throw a movie in and plop the boys on the couch so that I can do the laundry or cook dinner, but not for all day. I've seen the kids you're talking about. Many of them are prone to being overweight, unhealthy, and very undersocialized. They're some of the ones who don't know how to get along with other kids in school, or participate in class activities. It's really quite sad. I agree with you completely.

[jcostom]

So very right on Wil.

You think it's crazy that the kids are watching DVDs of whatever on the way to the supermarket, the mall, church, or whatever? My wife was in our local Target the other day. There was a woman pushing a 2-ish year old kid around in a cart, with this elaborate rig including the stupid shopping cart seat liner (come on, what mom doesn't have a stack of wipes the size of your head shoved in a bag???) and a portable DVD player attached to the shopping cart. The kid was rolling around Target watching the Backyardigans.

We are doomed.

[Almost Lucid (Brad)]

I just wrote about this very thing the other day over here: http://almostlucid.com/?p=1067

I'm the product of playing outside, riding bikes, bonding with other kids, and then getting into technology as a teen. I'm working hard to make sure my kids have a similar experience.

[angie k]

1. The "ferret on crystal meth" line is the funniest thing I have read all week and a co-worker from down the hall just came in to ask what in the world could make me laugh so loud. :)

2. I agree, I see *way* too many SUV's with DVD players in them spewing all sorts of animated goodness/nonsense. The favorite game of my boyfriend and I is to see how long we can drive behind them and watch the movie. I think it's disgusting. I'm not a fan of saying, "I grew up with or without [blank] and I turned out fine." but for the record I didn't have movies in my car growing up and I could keep myself occupied just fine. I also never had a computer or gaming console and only got two handheld games at age 12. (But I made up for it as soon as possible!)But I don't think it's the technology that creates this problem - it's the parenting. (Now, I'm not a parent so this is just what I, as an observer, sees on a general day. I know parenting is hard and no one is even close to perfect so I don't want to offend any parents. Just my 2 cents.)

I've seen far too many ferrets on crystal meth at the grocery store who act like this not because of technology but because their parents just don't care and are parenting. (Over-active kids are exempt - I've seen them, too. They tend to be over hyper and helpful and the difference is that the parents are talking to them the whole time, trying to keep them calm. The ferret kids I get upset about are the one whose parents aren't paying attention. These parents aren't always on their cell phones, though, it's just an attitude.)

I think technology has always been used as a babysitter. I used to game (rpg) with a couple who has a now 4 year old. While gaming she never knew how to entertain herself. I never saw her play with toys and she was always begging her parents to play with her while we were trying to game. They put on a movie and told her to go watch it or go to bed. (And she obviously picked the DVD over bedtime.) She never had a set bedtime - just whenever the movies were over. Sometimes she went to bed at 8,9, or even 10pm and she was 2 when I met her. She's a lovely girl but had no idea how to play while her parents were occupied and used to be really hard to deal with (to me). On the other hand I used to play with a couple who had a 5 and a 2 year old at the time. They went in their room when we gamed and played... wait for it... with each other... wait for it... with real toys (Care Bears regularly entertained G.I. Joes in the land of Care-A-Lot). The siblings were far less whiny and needy and generally more enjoyable to be around than the girl who always watched DVDs. But it wasn’t the technology – it was the parenting.

The parents of the two children used to play with them right before the game started (so they were already invested in the Care Bears campaign) and told them when they came out to go back to their room and play with toys. They had a TV and PS1 in their room but it was rarely turned on. The parents of the single child never actively played with her with toys before the game session so she was always unfocused and then they plopped her in front of the TV. I’m not saying the single girl will grow up to be a ferret (and she does play with other kids just fine – just not on game nights, apparently) or that the siblings will be perfect angels because they played with real toys, but it was interesting to note the difference in behavior based on the level of active parenting.

Your “Geek in Review” articles are always so interesting. I’m glad I can get to suicidegirls at work.

[R]

Yes, yes, yes. I completely agree. I also love that you sound so old-man grumpy and you're younger than my (cranky) husband, even :)

[minderbinder]

So I have a neighbor who is pet sitting a ferret for a friend and a cousin who "happens" to have some meth in his glove compartment. I realize that one application is not representative of what would happen in every case. Maybe this ferret has a low tolerance for meth. Maybe this meth was pretty crappy. All I know is that in this case, with this ferret, and this meth, it is not nearly as funny as it sounds. A ferret on crystal meth is almost indestinguishable from a dead ferret.

[ChozSun]

I have a 5 year old son whom I see every other day and have him every weekend (as result of the very best divorce you can ever have).

Mom has PS2. I have a 360. We both have DVD, TiVO, TVs and computers with broadband.

He likes all of that stuff.

He also likes playing drums, playing guitar, reading, writing, math, painting, drawing, coloring, visiting museums, movies, plays, swimming, sports, etc., etc.

The thing about this is no matter what he is doing, either his mom or I am right there with him.

I will watch him surf the internet right beside me. We will play WoW together. We have beaten Transformers: Armada and TMNT on PS2. I have the entire seasons of Transformers G1 and Cybertron twice over with him. We have painted together. I have drawn more in the last year then I have in my life just so my son has his favorite characters to color. We backwoods camped together.

These are things that he has been exposed to and stuff we enjoy together. But the keyword is "together".

As much as I love technology, I am quite uneasy with letting it entertain my son on its own.

[Susie]

Wil, for what it's worth, there's a great book out right now called "Last Child in the Woods" (the subtitle is something like "Saving Our Kids from Nature Deficit Disorder"). Early on the author interview a bunch of kids about why they don't play outdoors. One kid's response: "I like the indoors because that's where all the outlets are."

[Reddy]

The parents that I can't stand are the ones that bring their kids to Wal-Mart or that type(K-mart, Target etc) & then tell the kids I'm going to go get what we need & you go play in toys. Please understand they really mean play & not look. How are you suppose to play with toys that are in boxes?? If a box looks like it was open & retaped - Don't buy it, you can't be sure all of the parts are still really in there & it is used. (Guess it shows that I used to work in the toy dept huh??).

Someone spoke about aspergers - doctors are now wondering if some of the junk they put in food is the reason for that. Do we really know what all of this junk that keeps food looking pretty for a long time on the shelf is doing to us?? Or how about the stuff they give cows to produce more milk?? If you have kids that are like ferrets then maybe you need to look into what you are putting into the kids.

The other thing I would like to comment on is this: Kids except to be entertain. We were standing in line for a ride & guess what is there - you got it a TV so you can watch instead of complain about how long the wait is. But then again I notice Wal-mart has them at the check-out counters(but not the self checkout - I kinda wonder your opinion on those)

[Sara Niggleron]

I'm one of those people that was raised on TV and as a result I'm overweight, undersocialized, and fairly uninterested in the great outdoors. So is my husband (we met in an MMORPG for god's sake). We decided very early on that we weren't the right type of people to have kids, because we knew we would be those terrible parents. Self actualization is a wonderful thing.

Does it even occur to people that they don't have to create Mini-Me's?

[Jeff]

Wil,

I agree almost 100% with what you wrote, but I do take exception with your statement about home schooled children. It's unfair for you to write them all off as products of religious nut-jobs, i.e., that they're "creepy home schooled kids whose parents have substituted mythology for science and history" when many of them are home schooled for other reasons.

Many of us home school our children because we just don't have any faith in the public school system. We don't trust them to give our children the kind of education they need to compete in today's world. We don't want our children to be conformists and sheep. We want them to be able to read and write well, to understand mathematics and, most importantly, to think critically.

Both of my children show signs of giftedness. If I sent them to a public school, they would be bored out of their minds. When this happens to a child, he usually ends up being disruptive and forever labeled a troublemaker, or he stops trying so hard and ends up being an underachiever.

I don't want that for my kids. I want them to be challenged, to be forever curious about the world, to be able separate truth from fiction, to be able to think for themselves.

[Punxking]

I largely agree with elmegil on this, times (and technologies) change, but the issue remains the same (hey isn't that a Zeppelin album? No? Just me then...)

I think it boils down to this: your life is your own right up until you have kids, and then the kids must come first.

[SantaFlash]

Punxking,
I agree with your thought..."your life is your own right up until you have kids, and then the kids must come first." Too bad some parents don't think that way.

And Wil's thoughts I agree with also, but *duh*.... hasn't that been happening for quite a while now?
Oh Great One, err Wil, please don't kick me off for being a smartass...it can't be helped.

I can't imagine not spending time with my son. He's a blast to play with and a crackup (at only 14 months). I don't want to miss a thing! I'm even teaching him some sign language so we can communicate more until he's able to talk. And no.... he does *not* have a developmental problem. We are signing to help reduce the frustration when he doesn't know the word for an object or action yet.

[Mike Belrose]

A comment to those who brought up Aspberger's: Please understand that autism research has already gone through a "blame the parents" phase, and it wasn't pretty. Now we've moved on to blaming vaccines and food additives. Speculating on the cause of these diseases has caused enough trouble without us adding to the noise.

Anyway, I have an interesting slant on the whole parenting thing. Fertility rates in developed countries are already down, and I can't help but wonder if it's related to our style of parenting. I just wonder if we've made so many rules about the "right" way to raise kids, we've convinced ourselves it's not worth doing.

[serutan]

The waning days of an Empire aren't pretty. Most Americans are overfed, undereducated, comfort-addicted credit card slaves who will do and believe almost anything that preserves their self-delusions. Child neglect is just one of the many signs of a culture that has given up hope and fallen into a self indulgent stupor.

[Danyiel]

Completely and wholeheartedly agree! As an Early Childhood Educator, this is one of the most frustrating aspects of my job.

I've noticed a growing trend over the last 10 years or so of children being diagnosed with ADD or ADHD, and in nine out of ten of those cases, the children are exposed to violent cartoons, TV shows and videogames. I'm talking about three and four year old children who are hooked on watching shows like Power Rangers, Pokemon and Yu Gi Oh!

Have any of you ever watched these shows and noticed how rapidly the images on the screen change? These kids are being conditioned to pay attention for three to five second intervals between the image changes. If you want to know why your kid can't sit still or pay attention for longer than 10 seconds, this, in my opinion is one of the main contributing factors for short attention spans in young children.

Then, of course, doctors are so quick to diagnose kids with ADD and ADHD, so I'm seeing more and more kids showing up to school with Ritalin and Adderall.

Here, here, Wil! I've been saying the same thing for years. Turn off the idiot box and spend some time with your kids. Read to them as much as possible, and most importantly, LISTEN to what they have to say, even if you don't understand some of what they're saying. Kids learn their early language and literacy skills from the adults they spend their time with. I realize that most working parents don't have the luxury of spending a lot of time with their children, but the time that they do get to spend with them should be quality time, not hurried conversations or sitting them in front of a television. Patience is crucial in helping young children learn how to be patient, themselves. Unfortunately, we seem to be becoming an impatient society and it really bugs the crap out of me.

Thanks for that entry, Wil. It made my whole day!

[travelbug523]

if you don't mind, I am going to use the "feret on crystal meth" comment whenever it applies (and I'm disturbed to think how many times it applies)....don't worry I'll give you the kudos.....

[travelbug523]

if you don't mind, I am going to use the "ferret on crystal meth" comment whenever it applies (and I'm disturbed to think how many times it applies)....don't worry I'll give you the kudos.....

[IanKen]

That describes my brother in-law. His six year old son falls asleep every night in front of a portable DVD player on the night-stand.

[Janet]

I just have to say that comment at the end about "creepy homeschooled kids" was a cheap shot.

You know, homeschooled kids are some of the few kids these days that can entertain themselves without electronic assistance. Homeschooling parents generally have to make sacrifices to be able to spend more time with their kids. You don't let your kids turn into monsters when you spend every day with them instead of dumping them off at school 5 days a week. Limits on electronics come naturally when the kids are close to home, and parents see the direct effects of that stuff on their kids' ability to think and play and interact with the real world. And, even if you find some of their science books objectionable, the actual human beings who learn at home are not creepy. They're great kids, who love the same sorts of things you and your family do.

Not all homeschoolers are religious. Some are sick of trying to make their square-peg kids fit in round holes at schools that are little more than factories trying to churn out the highest standardized test scores for the lowest possible cost. Some are refugees from teachers like the ones in your butterfly story, or from gangs or bullies or toxic peer culture. Some just do it as a lifestyle choice, to live a family-centered rather than school-driven life. Some want their children to have opportunities that aren't available to them any other way.

I wish society in general would see homeschoolers more for who we really are instead of drawing such crude stereotypes.

[penguindevil]

Of course, I agree all the way around... In fact, to celebrate our 4 week-old girl, we are getting rid of the television (not the computer, of course, we have to have somewhere to watch movies)...

But what I really have to say is:

1) I am all for home-schooling, but a lot of those kids are a little creepy and way too self-oriented.

2) Thank you for giving a mention to the Merlin! After Star Wars, it was the coolest thing from the 70's!

[ToppyDude]

Wow Mr Wheaton i had no idea you were so interesting.

I agree with you, parents are not spending enough time with thier kids.

As far as kids throwing tamtrums in the stores i think its more the fact parents cann't disaplin thier kids as i was as a child. Today anymore if a parent spanks thier kids they go to jail.

just a thought

[Just Ducky]

OK, I had to sign up just so I could comment to this post. My husband and I enjoy this blog and as a result discovered Nickerblog and Jesus' Favorite---also very good. I do have to say though---the "over medicated" term kind of grated on my nerves...while I absolutely agree that there are far too many parents that will pump Ritalin into their children so that they "sit down and shut up", I have two daughters with Bipolar Disorder and they HAVE to be medicated to have any resemblence of a "normal" life. It was absolute HELL in my house before medication. They were diagnosed 3 years apart. My youngest experienced 3-4 hour long rages of inconsolable shrieking, wailing, delusions and sometimes violence...and that was at 6 years old. I had doctors from the Mayo Clinic confirm that it wasn't faulty parenting---the child has a mental illness. She is 11 now, medicated and a really great kid--though sometimes even with the meds she seems like a 'ferret on crystal meth' but that just means it's time to go visit the doctor for a med 'tweak'. My 13 year-old wrote a note detailing the people and animals she wanted to kill...she also was fascinated with fire...super scary shit for a parent. She is medicated now and doesn't have thoughts like that anymore.

I am writing this just to say--medicating your kids isn't wrong--medicating your kids out of convenience instead of necessity is wrong. I love the blog. I'm in no way slamming you. I'm not crying "Oh, I'll never read your blog again, you big poo!" I'll keep coming back...just had to clarify the situation.

[Heather]

I have a 3 year old (well 3 on the 25th) and I LOVE spending time with him. Whether it be in front of the TV or playing in the back yard. I do agree that parents today use television as babysitters too often (and then wonder what's wrong with them when they do something stupid they saw on TV). What really kills me is to see the damn DVD players in the cars. What ever happened to bringing a book or picking on your sibling on a car trip? I swore I would NEVER EVER get one of those stupid things installed in my car. If I could go on a road trip when I was younger without watching TV, my child can too!

Heather

[SantaFlash]

Mike Belrose,
"I just wonder if we've made so many rules about the "right" way to raise kids, we've convinced ourselves it's not worth doing."
I understand your thoughts here, and that could very well be for some...but I can't imagine for the whole. I would think that most decided not to have kids because of the time and effort involved, not necessarily caring what the "right" way is.
And as for the right way, I'm getting a lot of negative comments because I'm using sigh language with my son. People say that he won't talk if I sign with him. Do I care what others think? I used to...but now? Naahh...

[VEKdigital]

I can completely sympathize with this viewpoint as I've seen this form of "parenting by electronic proxy" (and the effect it ends up having on the kids) firsthand. And it's really quite troubling, bordering on sheer outrage. While I know my wonderful parents did the best with what they had and knew, there are many in more recent generations that just seem to not care at all. They give life to these little information sponges and, rather than actually interact with them, they "jack them in" to the worldwide data, game and ADD network.

Technology, PC's and game consoles in specific, are here to stay. And they'll only get more prolific as time and marketing research marches on. And as much as many believe that it's the governments responsibility to protect children from the evils of the internet and age-inappropriate gaming software, I firmly believe that the responsibility of both censor and access control agent falls squarely on the shoulders of each and every child's parent(s). Period!

If anyone even considering the possibility of becoming a parent in this technologically diverse and deluged time isn't ready to take on the challenge of fielding your child's rants about "being the only kid on the block without a MySpace account, a PSP, a NextGen gaming console, or a cell phone", or are just flat "too busy" to deal with such questions, then they best give some deep consideration to the alternative. DON'T HAVE KIDS! You're not ready for it!

In my own defense of these outlandish comments, I'm a 41 year old divorced male. I've never helped to procreate my own little "chip off the old block" (though not for a lack of trying). So how can I make such "uninformed" rants? Because even though I've never parented a child of my own creation, I've been in many situations where I've been left "in charge" of any one of a number of friends children and had to reason with an intellect that bases its' entire waking existence purely on the "why's" of daily life. And the most disturbing thing of all my experiences in this arena are that many of those "why's" had nothing at all to do with gravity, pain, sky color, stars at night, etc. Most of those "why's" dealt with "why I have to do this to get to the next level", "why won't the game work", "why won't it just let me win", etc.

More recently, I played Godparent to a little girl from age 2 months to 6 months almost 24 hours a day, 7 days a week prior to my move from Missouri to Colorado. And though it was the hardest job I've ever had in my life, it was also the one wondrous thing in my life that I found the hardest and most gut-wrenching to have to walk away from. To repeatedly watch that little miracle of life wake up from a nap, search the room with her eyes and find my loving gaze, then light up the whole world with her smile at having found me made all the puking, pooping and late night fussing infinitely more than worth it (even now making my eyes well up at the thought).

I know in my heart of hearts that I'd be a great, loving and immensely responsible parent to a child of my own making. But alas, my life's history dictates otherwise. For I also know that though I'm 41 years old, I possess neither the level of maturity nor the realistic financial capacity to provide and care for anyone else but myself. Though this may change at any time, I have to be realistic and only plan for the future based on what I have now. Not on what I "might have" later.

So here I sit in adverse judgment over the millions of wannabe parents who "pop them out" then just let the "electronic babysitters" do the rest, only to be left to wonder why a teenage stranger lives in their home who only occasionally goes out to socialize when they can be bothered to tear themselves away from their computer, game console, or cable program (or in many cases, all of the above, ALL AT ONCE!). C'mon parents... Get a clue.

VEKdigital

[nicole]

Amen Wil,
Everytime I'm at the grocery store I wish I had Nanny 911 on speed dial. People wake up!