my awesome dog.

When I was at CES for InDigital, I got a phone call from Anne.

"I just had to tell you how totally awesome your dog is." She said, in a tone that indicated "my dog" (what Ferris is called whenever she does something particularly irritating) was anything but awesome.

"Oh?" I said, "please tell me what my awesome dog did."

"Well, I took some bacon out of the fridge for the kids, and put it on the counter. Then the timer on the dryer went off, so I walked into the laundry room --"

" -- you mean the garage?"

Ha. I am so funny.

" . . . yes. The garage."

Oops. Pressed my luck a little bit, there. Shutting up, now.

"Anyway, when I got back into the kitchen, the bacon was gone, but your dog was licking her chops, awfully close to an empty bacon package on the floor."

". . . bitch!" I said.

"Uh. Yeah. So you don't worry, I already called the vet, and it's nothing to worry about . " She went on to tell me about her conversation with the vet and why we shouldn't worry. We expressed our undying love for each other, and I hung up the phone.

"Hey Hahn," I said, "want to hear how awesome my dog is?"

Fast forward to yesterday morning. In my kitchen, on the counter, is a jalapeño pepper in a plastic bag from the grocery store. I love jalapeños, and I frequently slice and dice them into all sorts of things. Like ice cream.

Anne woke me up at 7, holding the jalapeño in front of my face.

"Want to know how awesome your dog is?" She said.

"This couldn't wait until I woke up?" I said.

Grrr. Wil grumpy. Wil stay up too late playing poker. Wil sleep now.

"Your awesome dog grabbed this off the counter, and chewed the hell out of it."

"She didn't eat it, though, I see," I said.

"No, and I don't think she'll be jumping up on the counter any time soon."

At that moment, Ferris walked into the room, with the very adorable were you talking about me? look on her face.

"You know what she's saying right now?" I said.

"'Mom, dad, I don't want to alarm you . . . but there's something really wrong with the bacon.'"

Comments

[tjp]

Great story. Dogs are like kids and it sounds like yours are a handful as our mine.

www.pafundi.com
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Number of Operations Iraq Freedom and Enduring Freedom casualties
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[Duraffinity]

I don't think any dog likes jalapeños. My hubby dropped a whole jar of them on the kitchen floor. Our dogs took one whiff and backed off. They didn't venture into the kitchen for weeks after that!

[Revolos55]

New jalepeno poppers: Dogs don't know it's not bacon!

[Plainsong]

My cocker spaniel used to take things and not even eat them, just take them!

Our dachsund... hmm, she loves gourmet cat poo, and she loves orange and yellow peppers, but that's not a jalapeno.

She'd probably get back at us by having a loose tummy. She's a vaccuum cleaner outside, and yet she has a weak tummy for anything "clean."

She's very dramatic too, when she has a sick tummy, she shakes and cries, and you have to hold her until she just sleeps it off and has it all come out eventually. We were so alarmed by this at first, but her breeder has assured us the dramatic flair runs in her family. When she acts really sick, she'll feel better in the morning.

It's when she goes quiet like "gee, ya know, those other times I just felt a bit whoozy, but now I really really don't feel good." that's when it's time for the vet, asap.

It's tough with dachshunds because... they're dachshunds.

[TitanKT]

You are making with the funny so much I am nearly waking my son up giggling at your funny. Well, the Star Trek tribble ep. done up like lolcats was just a link you provided, but your picture is equally funny... just... more brief. Briefer? Er... shorter!

Oh! My favorites were the pictures of Kirk and Spock looking perplexed with the caption, "Whut?" lolme.

[khereva]

Sorry about the missing bacon-- that's what we in the trade call "an attractive nuisance." Like, say, my 3rd grade crush was.

At any rate, when I shared this post with the Hive Queen, she compared it to leaving ham out on the counter and then going to the garage while our three cats were loose in the house. We might yell at the cats, but the fact is... we were asking for it.

Sorry about the jalapeño, Ferris!

[sarchix]

Thanks for the post. The whole thing made me laugh to tears. Our dog, Ralphie (RIP), would BEG for wasabi peas and would eat more than anyone if we let him.

He was a "good family dog" who tolerated the kids. He will be a hard dog to replace.

[Dark Red]

I've been chuckling for the last five minutes because of that post. Poor wee doggy!

[DorsetBlue]

It could be worse, you could have a labrador. It would have probably drooled all over you!
On a different subject Wil, considering your previous work with the BBC, I thought you might be interested in the following:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/theeditors/2007/04/how_you_can_help.html

[Tara]

I had this dog Twitches (we called her that because when ever she would sleep either an ear or a leg would always twitch, come to find out she was epileptic), she was very “polite” about taking food. She would open the refrigerator, take out the meat, close the refrigerator, and then bring it to you. She would look at you with the “Can I please have this?” look. We eventually had to put a child lock on the fridge to keep her out.
~~TARA~~

[Nita]

As cute as the story about Ferris is, I'm doing a "baroo" with the jalepenos in the ice cream. We talkin' vanilla or what? Jalepeno jelly is great, so...

[Nika]

I have an "awesome" dog as well. Except she actually likes (!) weird food like that. She will eat horseradish, cantelope, watermelon rinds, lettuce and tomatoes. For some reason, she hates strawberries and raspberries. Oh, and she knows how to work a can of Easy Cheese.

[LinksMonkey]

Anne is such a good person to call the vet and call you at work. Hope Ferris is well.

Then I began to wonder if I can get bacon on my next Chicago-style hot dog without ruining the dog's integrity.

So I went Googling and found - www.hotdogchicagostyle.com - once again, Wil's blog enriches my life.

Off-topic: Jalapeño would be a great name for a stripper.

[queenkv]

last night, when I came home from work, I discovered my "awesome" puppy got into one of our closets. she ripped up a package of lightbulbs and she was chewing on our floor pan and brush. my puppy drives my crazy, at times.

[angie k]

I know that "Were you talking about me?/Why are you looking at me?" look. I get it from my cat, Stewart.

"What? Why are you looking at me? Is this about the spilled cup of coffee in the kitchen? Look, that totally wasn't me. A freak wind blew in from the window - I know, it's closed. Weird, right? - and tipped the mug over, breaking it while it was trying to taste its paw... Um... Its wind.. paw... I was right there watching it happen. By the way, the boy burnt the coffee - don't drink it. Um. The wind said so. What?! Why are you looking at me?"

I'm stealing that line: "Guess what your awesome [blank] did this morning?"

Thanks for a good story to start the day! :)

[MJBUtah]

Our little dog walks around and cries when you give him something that is not dog food. He won't even eat it, he just walks around with it in his mouth and whines. We usually just take it back. I think it stresses him out.

[Psistriker]

I also have an awesome dog. Willow, my minature poodle, has devloped a taste for chocolate, coffee (preferably mocha), gum, and Q-Tips of all things. And the dork will _climb_ to get them - onto the dining room table, the computer desk in the living room, the table in my bedroom, into the trash can, you name it.

I told my mom last night if Willow had opposable thumbs, she'd pretty much be taking over the world.

[AGirlNamedE]

Wait... Wasn't Anne the one who brought Ferris home in the first place? Didn't she find Ferris in a bush or something, and then even gave her that name because of the band "Save Ferris"? So how is she YOUR dog? ;-)

Seriously, good story. I had a dog take a roast chicken down off the counter once and devour it... I'd have throttled her on the spot if I wasn't more worried that she'd choke on a chicken bone. Every dog owner has an "awesome" dog story. I'm glad you shared yours with us! Thanks!

[justme]

Someone has to state the obvious ...

Hai! I'm in ur kichen eatin ur bacon an chewin on ur peprs.

[tinapickles]

Ha! We had a doberman named Daisy once who had a love-hate relationship with dill pickles. When ever she'd hear the pop of the jar top opening, she'd come running into the kitchen and look up at you with these liquid brown eyes that are specially resereved for "I'm so hungry I could DIE!" moments. We'd tell her no, over and over and over, but all she'd do is shift and whine--maybe sliding down into an uber pathetic submissive pose, head between her forefeet, eyes especially pathetic, and heave a world weary sigh. So we'd end up giving her one. And she'd be all wiggly butt and goofy faced until she tasted the tartness of the pickle. Then she'd spit it out, and we'd laugh. She'd pick it back up, attempt to chew, only to spit it out with a look that clearly said "Why do you punish me so? I HEARD the promise of kitchen goodness, and THIS is what you give me?" For the next hour or so she'd do the same thing, pick it up, chew, spit, until all that was left is a green pulpy mess to be scraped up off the floor.

Silly puppy!

[Becky..Absent Minded Housewife]

I see dog syle montezuma's revenge in your future.

[rmd]

GOOD DOGGY.

well, okay, maybe not *good*. but awesome.

AWWW, AWESOME DOGGIE.

the internet demands more dog pictures!

[Anniesue]

My awesome dog thinks that anything in a clear plastic bag is something to eat. One time he chewed up a dress that I ordered from a catalog and had left on the couch in the plastic bag it was packaged in.
He actually consumed some homemade Play-doh that my daughter brought home from day care and left within reach (in a clear plastic bag).

[Lynda]

My dog is pretty awesome too. She often gets in trouble for stealing the cooked bacon off the counter. She's fast and sneaky.

Jalapeno and ice cream? Really?

[Big Tony]

This past weekend our Awesome Dog Romeo ate 1/2 a pizza off the counter. And last week he got 2 barbequed chicken breasts - bones and all. Good thing he's such a nice dog. He's probably getting me back for making him hold biscuits on his nose. HA!