so i'm going to be the keynote speaker at PAX . . .

Back in February, I recounted the first time I met Gabe and Tycho from Penny Arcade at Comicon:

I have always enjoyed Penny Arcade, because -- like pVp and Dork Tower -- it has characters I can care about and relate to while I'm laughing at myself, or them, or (usually) both.

I talked to Gabe and Tycho for a few minutes that year, did the obligatory geek out, and then got out of the way, because there were literally hundreds of fans who wanted to meet them and give them money. I guess I made an impression on them, because they featured me in one of their comics, which Gabe or Tycho drew on the plane home, and sent me via e-mail (I can't remember who and it's not really important enough to unpack e-mail archives from that long ago to find out. Also if I'm vague enough about it, maybe one of them will ping me and put me in a new comic. How's that for attention whoring?! Very nice.)

Well, they didn't put me in a new cartoon (though I'll always have this one, sniff, sniff, wipe solitary tear off cheek) but they did something that's a little bit cooler and invited me to be the keynote speaker at the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo.

"You know this is Wil Wheaton the writer and occasional actor, and not the guy from Brother Bear," I said, certain that they'd asked the wrong guy.

They assured me, via their official organizer Robert, that it wasn't a mistake. They wanted me to come speak, play games, and listen to MC Frontalot and Jonathan Coulton, and OMFG THE MINIBOSSES.

So I picked myself up off the floor, and tried to talk them out of it.

"If you make this about me being on Star Trek," I said, "it's going to piss everyone off, and we'll get the obligatory flood of 'who is that?' and 'why does Star Trek matter to a game convention?' and 'I love bacon!'"

They assured me that their demographic is older than the typical bacon-loving, Wheaton-hating 20 year-old. This wasn't about Star Trek as much as it was about my very public love of gaming, and that I shouldn't be so goddamn insecure.

I actually had to think about it for a few days. I love Penny Arcade, and I wanted to be absolutely certain that I would entertain the people who were there with something that would be relevant to their lives.

A weekend passed, and I called Robert back.

"So here's the thing: Seattle is really close for me, so I can come up and back without missing anything important at home. I also know that there's a little over one hundred people who want me to come to Seattle, according to Eventful.

"I really want to do this, but I want to be absolutely sure that I'm going to be a good match for PAX. I don't play anything like World of Warcraft, and I haven't played anything like Halo since Half Life was new. What I know and love are classic arcade and console games." I said. "In fact, other than the GTA games and Guitar Hero, I really don't play anything you'd consider 'new.' Hell, I don't even have a next-generation console . . . though I've been trying to buy a Wii since they came out, because the Virtual Console is the most awesome th-"

"I can get you a Wii," Robert said.

I dropped the phone.

I picked up the phone.

"Sorry, I dropped the phone. Are you serious?"

"It's the least we can do."

"So you're telling me that, not only will I get a Wii, but . . . I'll get a Wii from Penny fucking Arcade?!"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Dude. Uh, yeah. That'll be awesome."

After a moment's silence, he said, "so do you want to come do PAX? We'll hook you up with the Wii either way."

"I'm really nervous about appealing to the audience," I said, "but I know that I can write something entertaining about classic arcades and the significance of console and hand-held gaming to my generation. I'm pretty sure I can take some cheap and easy shots at Jack Thompson, too."

I took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'd love to come to PAX and be your keynote speaker."

"Awesome! I'll tell the guys. They're going to be very happy that you're on board."

So that's the story of how I invented ice cream.

Wait. I mean, that's the story of how I ended up being the keynote speaker at the 2007 Penny Arcade Expo, and why I'll spend the next three months with a knot in my stomach, as I write and rewrite and rererewrite my story. Of course, I think the best way to prepare is to play lots and lots of games as frequently as I can, right?

Does anyone know how I can sell that idea to my wife? I don't think she's going to buy it.

Comments

[65PonyBoy]

Hmmm...let's get this straight.
You wanna figure out how to tell your wife that you've got to play more games because you want to make sure you're prepared for a expo where there'll be nothing but games, games and more games? You're hosed.

[Syndelin]

That's awesome Wil!

Wish I could be there to see it. All of us here know that you have no worries in engaging and entertaining the audience, no matter the subject matter.

Congrats on the Wii hookup too... you lucky dog you. LOL

[DJC]

How cool is that?

Don't fret it, dooood. Try to have fun with it!

[Khyron]

Wow! congratulations. Enter, stage left. Keynote, even!

Get them to come through with the Wii right away. She'll be keeping you company playing with it!

[Craig Steffen]

Hmm...I'm not familiar with Penny Arcade. It's in late August...when I'll be moderately not busy at work. Hmmm...I'll have to check it out. Maybe I'll go.

Congratulations Wil!

[sorakirei]

*falls over* That's so awesome Wil. It's times like this that I curse my east coast existance. If I could somehow pull together the funds to be there...

Anyway, you will be just fine there. You will never fully escape Trek, but with every blog entry and every day that goes by people know you more for being you than for being a character named Wesley Crusher.

[Leenerella]

Dammit, Wil, is there any way I can convince you that they know what they're doing, and we're all looking forward to it?! :)

Let me be the first Seattleite to say, "Welcome to the Emerald City!" Hope you have a fantastic time.

[Craig Steffen]

Hey, it's cheap too! $40 until August 1.

And in downtown Seattle. That's where the Supercomputing conference was a couple of years ago. It's really pretty there.

[kathunter]

Sweet. I am looking forward to seeing you at PAX this year! And everyone loves bacon. Not just us next-gen gamers :)

[LinksMonkey]

>>Of course, I think the best way to prepare is to play lots and lots of games as frequently as I can, right?

Does anyone know how I can sell that idea to my wife?<<

Simple. For every game you buy, she gets to buy a pair of shoes.

Yes, yes, yes . . . I know . . . I'm one step closer to Hades for that remark.

But, it's just crazy enuf to work.

[Legion]

This is awesome news! I've been an Enforcer (member of the volunteer staff) at PAX every year since the beginning and I can't be more excited about you attending. If anyone gives you a hard time ... they'll have to deal with me.

[Chad.Hicks]

Wil, you know there are over 100 of us hoping to see you in Portland too, and its just a few hours down the freeway from Seattle.

Not that I wouldn't consider going to PAX too, but since you're in the neighborhood and all... ;)

[opak]

Congrats! You and PA make up a significant amount of my goofing off with the internet time. It'll be as big as when chocolate got mixed up with peanut butter...

Ill have to wear my "I hate Jack Thompson" T-Shirt tomorrow.

[AgentMunroe]

Wil,
You're not giving yourself enough credit. I'm an early 20's young male gamer who loves bacon and who's considering going to PAX, and I'm thrilled I'll be able to see you (again).

Don't worry so much, it doesn't become you. :-)

Rufo

[Katrina]

hmm. While the prospect is interesting and affordable (I've got 2 plane ticket vouchers to use up this year, and free room/boarding with the parents in seattle, and the 45$ ticket is a great deal...)
I'm in the same camp... my gaming is a pidly collection of random katamari, age of empires on PC, and a select few others... and I don't think I'd find it nearly as exciting as the hard core gamers out there.

Anyhow, congrats on the keynote, hope it goes well.

and LinksMonkey is spot on with the shoes suggestion. Every time my husband brings home a new guitar/amp/mixer, I get a new pair of shoes.
my obsession at least takes up less room.

[areinmeyer]

I'll tell you how to convince your wife if you send me that Wii... :D

Maybe the best way is to approach like this:

"Honey, I'm going to be the keynote speaker at a major geek conference. I'm going to need lots of time and money to play video games, roleplaying games and comic books..."
...
"No?"
...
"How 'bout just video games then?"

[Elizabeth McCoy]

Well, judging from how *my* spouse hooked me on EverQuest, I'd suggest... Get _her_ a Wii as well. And/or an account for a MMORPG. (One where you can quickly induct her into a good guild or group, so that the twits don't give a bad impression first thing. The Mac server for EverQuest is pretty nice...)

[megs]

Oh my gosh, my friend Michelle and I are so excited to see you there. We were thinking to skip it this year, but we're totally going now!

[Steve]

From the official FAQ.

Q: What is PAX?
A:PAX is a three-day game festival for tabletop, videogame, and PC gamers.

I think you definitely fit in the first group listed. My desire to go to PAX just increased 10 points.

[Trisha Lynn]

Hah! The story about this offer is just as awesome as I thought it would be. It makes sense that they sweetened the pot by offering you a Wii.

But I really don't think you have anything to worry about wrt fitting in with the core PAX audience. You like games, you're a geek, you're intelligent, and you grok what the gaming experience is really all about. You'll do fine.

Convincing the board of directors at my convention to invite you... that's an entirely different story...

[angie k]

>>Of course, I think the best way to prepare is to play lots and lots of games as frequently as I can, right?

Does anyone know how I can sell that idea to my wife?<<

"Research! It's... research... for a book... a cool book... about.. uh... games... video games... and... robots. Please? They gave me a fee Wii! They'll be so disappointed if I don't use it! It'll be like looking a gift horse in the mouth or something! More cowbell?"

Sad. I'm a little too far away and have work that weekend. :( Have fun at PAX! Bacon rules!

[viscountalpha]

One thing about pax that you need to understand, It is the coolest group of geeks you will ever be around. I can think of no other kind of event where I can say an obscure joke and have 75% or more get it.

Don't stress about pax and being the keynote speaker. You can do easily better then alex st. john.(the guy was too proud of wild tangent-*shudder*)

Ya, I'm looking forward to hearing you speak at pax honestly. Hopefully you can bring us some juicy stories from the startrek days.

[angie k]

Wil, will you be there for all three days?

[Mike Belrose]

Does anyone know how I can sell that idea to my wife?
DEMOCRACY, my boy! Who here votes that Wil's home gaming time be increased?

[rmd]

that's pretty frickin awesome.