the perfect plan

I've been a baseball fan my entire life. I've been known to keep score at games, carry the binoculars, listen to the radio, and manage the game from the stands. I've been known to play fantasy baseball (and win my league all the time, because it's all about using math to get solid players in trades for over valued marquee players) and I've been known to drop everything when a friend says, "Hey, I have an extra ticket to the game tonight, can you be ready to leave in twenty minutes?"

However, my love affair with baseball has diminished over the last decade.

I guess the steroid abuse, the strike, and Scott Boras have driven me away from baseball as much as the increased responsibilities which have made my free time more valuable and limited. I still care about the game, though, and I still watch games a few times a month (down from a record high of several times a week, keeping score and referring to the Baseball Prospectus between innings).

I know a lot of other once-faithful fans who are as disillusioned with baseball as I am, but I have this great idea (which has nothing at all to do with me being a Dodger fan, I swear, really,) to restore our faith in the game: for the rest of the season, whenever Barry* comes to the plate, every single team in Major League Baseball pitches around him, regardless of the game situation. When he is finally forced out of the game for being a lying sack of shit and a cheater, Hank Aaron's record finally falls to someone with class who earned the title.

It's the perfect plan. Bulletproof, really. [mustache twirl]

Comments

[Joe Speaker]

I was at the game last night and we were hoping that Hank Aaron would show up, leap from the stands and bludgeon Bonds to death before his first AB.

We might have been drinking.

[CHV]

Although I agree, Wil, that Bonds* is a two-faced slimeball and a disgrace to baseball, I feel that equal blame has to be flung in MLB Commissioner Bud Selig's direction for his pathetic treatment of the steroid issue.

Here's a prime example of Bud's priorities: last year in his hometown of Milwaukee, Selig put the clamps on the appearance of an addition of Chorizo, a new racing sausage alongside hot dog, Italian sausage, et al, used for 6th inning home entertainment at Brewers games.

Bud's reasoning?

MLB teams cannot introduce a new mascot for more than a single game during mid-season, and must wait until the year following to begin using it for the entire year.

No argument; Chorizo was immediately benched for the rest of the Brewers' 2006 season.

The point of this tirade is that Selig has no problem cracking the "whip of integrity" when it comes to rogue baseball mascots, but when it comes to, say, standing up to the MLB Players Union and advocating blood tests for Human Growth Hormone (HGH) among players league-wide, 'ol Buddy melts faster than a stick of butter in Death Valley.

The man is the ultimate wimp, and IMO, just as culpable as Bonds* for the fraud that MLB has grown into in recent years.

[Jewels]

I have no clue about baseball to be honest, I went to one game in my whole life (Cardinals against the Cubs, in summer 2002) and to be honest, we didn't stay until the game was over. (Peer pressure, I would have stayed, because the hotdogs were great and I liked the atmosphere.) I'm from Germany, so soccer is my game.

Anyway, I can understand your thoughts about being disillusioned with sports, Wil. The last 12 years or so (and that's a lot when you are 25), I have spent most of July watching the Tour de France, building my schedule around the TV broadcasting times. Until this year. It was the first time in 5 years that I would have had the time to watch as just just graduted from university and still have some time before I start my new job, but I was so disgusted with what is happening in the cycling world right now(and obviously other kinds of sports as well)that I watched almost nothing of it this year.

I hate it, when some people spurn a once wonderful sport, disregarding every rule and spoiling it for everyone else!

[alan]

I don't feel the same way about Bonds. I'll be at tonight's game, hoping he hits a couple of homeruns.

[Kathleen]

pitch around him? I say bean him with the ball every time.

[Kevin]

I loved the fact he struck out on 3 pitches his first at bat last night, followed by an intentional walk to get the double play possibility. I didn't watch the rest of the game I was cheering for the Angels as they pounded on Seattle..... anyway.... I agree they should just pitch around Bonds* for the rest of the season until his final at bat..... then BEAN HIM! I also heard someone on KRQO the otehr day mentioning thay he made foam asterisks (kinda like foam fingers) for the games where Bonds is expected to hit one out. Kinda funny dontcha think?

[blackunicorn]

what's with the asterisk?

[Greg]

I've never been a big fan of major league ball -- at best, I've had a passing interest in it. However, I totally like your idea about giving Bonds an eternal walk.

Now, if you want to have fun with baseball, go to the minor league games. Good family fun, and easy on the wallet.

[Keija]

(re: twitter) It sucks to the extreme, I know, but: I've discovered that sometimes it's worth having the odd day of 'feeling stupid'. It never feels good but [for me at least] it's always given me a greater appreciation for the days when I get something right [it's rare but it happens :P] and everything clicks together.

&since I'm probably about to feel so, so stupid for posting this little comment as soon as I have [there's a reason I'm just a silent reader here, heh] -- I'll just add that I hope you and your family are well :)

(& I apologise for being off-topic for this post.)

[MaryMactavish]

I was a baseball fan in the early and mid-eighties. I've lived near the A's mostly, since then, so I was an A's fan, and a Giants fan (and it doesn't matter what else, or how much I like baseball, or dislike it, I am not a Dodgers fan because of the whole knee-jerk reaction thing) and back then, lots of the players were local, and they felt like Local Guys. Dave Stewart once flew back to Oakland for 24 hours between games during a playoff series to be at his Mom's house for her birthday. Carney Lansford worked with local kids because he had been a local kid. Games were fun and felt borderline minor league.

Something changed that I can't blame on, but can date to, the rise of Jose Canseco. He wasn't a local kid, he was a superstar from elsewhere. Fans seemed to change. There were the ones that loved Jose, and the ones who mocked him. It was a shift in the wind, and something, around that time, pushed me away.

I found myself rooting for underdog teams like the Twins (still not the Dodgers) but not developing loyalties. Mostly, I rooted for whoever was behind, any given year.

I had a brief resurgence during that World Series in 1989, when baseball symbolized a collective regional experience, but it didn't last.

[Darth Paradox]

The asterisk stands for the asterisk that will be next to his home-run total in the record books, pointing to a footnote about steroid use.

It's a more damning version of the asterisk proposed back when Roger Maris beat Babe Ruth's season home run record by 1, noting that the season Maris played in was something like eight games longer than the Babe's record season.

[darla8855]

Ah, if Don Drysdale was still with us - he'd bean him for us!

[Kenyon]

You're kidding right? Why do people hate Barry Bonds so much? Because he hates doing interviews? Because he possibly used steroids? Come on now. There are a lot of worse people in sports. People who commit DUIs, spousal abuse, dog fighting, or illegally bet on games they're involved in. If anything his worst crime is that he was willing to sacrifice his body to become a better player in an era when everyone was doing it. Where's the hatred for McGwire or Sosa or Palmeiro , who's actually been found to have taken steroids? Or are those players given a pass because they're more likeable. Barry Bonds is not what's wrong with baseball. And purposely flaunting the game like that cheapens the game far more than Barry breaking the home record does.

[hilleviw]

I don't understand why you excoriate Bonds. He may not be particularly personable, but no-one has ever proven wrong-doing by him. And why give him an asterisk? Who tested Hank's blood? Think he wouldn't have done whatever was legal to improve his game? That's all Bonds has done.

[Derek]

It's... weird... that I was just telling my wife the EXACT same thing.... let the pitchers of the National League defend the honor of the game itself.

[EmmaSteinfeld]

I just blogged this same thing myself a couple of hours ago...with one small difference - Steroid Boy is intentionally walked for the remainder of his career.
http://blogs.brocknet.net/eriepressible/?p=1033

[DavePress]

i totally agree with your plan. I'm a lifelong Yankees fan and it causes me great shame that Barry Bonds is getting away with this. His crime is far, far superior to anything Pete Rose ever did. It's very sad.

[savage]

That's a great plan! I don't know that too many folks will follow through.

I've been a baseball fan for two years... ever since I started watching my Aggies play. I put forth the notion that there is nothing better to do on a Friday night than go to a baseball game. Listen, if you want to watch some good baseball, but are a little too disillusioned by the pros, go to a college game. You won't regret it.

[gutterbumber]

Bonds is a cheater. Anyone with eyeballs and a functioning brain knows this. He'll never get the asterisk, because he didn't break any RULES, but he cheated the game, and he cheated human physiology. Records are just numbers on paper. Hank Aaron, the tremendous player that he was, couldn't erase the greatness of Babe Ruth.

Wil, you should check out a game in San Diego or Anaheim. The Chavez Latrine is skewing your opinion. Let's all pee in a trough! I once saw a 14 year-old kid have to be escorted out by security for the high crime of accidentally batting the beach ball over the edge of the deck. Thats right, Dodgers fans throw peanuts and beer cups at kids.

[SandieK]

regardless of what happens, we know he'll get it.
What Id like to see happen is that its a shallow homer, where the 'lucky' fan can easily lob it back, amongst the booing crowd jeering at Bonds.

[Jason Wojciechowski]

Wil: So to restore our faith in the game, you'll ... make a travesty of the game? Really? So when Bonds comes up with the bases loaded in a tie game in the bottom of the ninth, preventing him from hitting a homer is more important than maintaining the integrity of game played on the field.

If you really read BP, by the way, you'll note that it's not really about math (I'm tying together two threads of your post) - it's about critical thinking, about seeing if the conventional wisdom is really all that wise. So now use your head, use that BP-influenced critical thinking. Look at the players who've been caught using PED's, and tell me that they really actually improve performance all that much.

PED's are akin to corking bats or using too much pine tar. They are NOTHING like Tim Donaghy or Pete Rose. Betting on games, point shaving, or throwing games is the worst sin in sports. If I can't trust that all the players are playing their hardest to win every day, and their managers try to win every day (while keeping any eye on tomorrow), and the referees are utterly neutral, then I can't watch sports. PED's, on the other hand, are just a way for a player to gain an advantage. Yes, they're illegal. Yes, they're (now) against the rules of the game, and thus cheating. But no, they do not undermine the integrity of the game being played on the field, because the player who used it is trying to win.

I'm not condoning or advocating use of these things. They do terrible things to players' bodies, and I don't think it's worth the sacrifice. But let's be clear that there's a BIG step to get from PED's to Pete Rose. Huge. Bud Selig may be hated, but he's no dummy - if this were truly a Pete Rose situation, Bonds would be out of baseball faster than you can say "Shoeless Joe."

Finally, Wil, who are the clean players? Griffey? A-Rod? How do you know? Because they haven't been caught? Bonds never tested positive, either. Because they haven't have their grand testimony leaked? Well, maybe that's just their good fortune to have not been subpoenaed.

Once again, I'm not accusing anyone of using. I'm just making a point that it's silly to try to cast aspersions and let a "clean" guy get the record when we have no idea who's clean and who's not.

One last shot: where are Lance Armstrong's asterisks?

[Wiseguy91]

I have to agree with the more recent posters. We can all assume he used something, but we don't know for sure what effect the stuff had on his performance, we just see what it did to his body. If he was the ONLY one to take stuff that is now considered against the rules, I'd share your opinion. But, what we don't know is who else took PEDs, and just happens to NOT be in the spotlight right now. I used to passionately despise Bonds, but have since decided it is easier for me to view the era as a whole as the Steroid Years, watch with the same amount of curiosity as Bonds goes for 756 as I do when Kobayashi is trying to eat 60 hot dogs in 12 minutes, and know that in 10-12 years, the record will be Arod's.

[Pokerwolf]

Here's an easy solution for a jaded baseball fan:

Go to a minor league game.

Not only do you learn about possible baseball stars of tomorrow, the tickets are cheap and the games are good. The atmosphere is better than a MLB game (more kids, more "small town" feel, and less drunken idiots).

Give it a try, Wil! It's the cure for the "Baseball Blues"!

[Phil]

Bonds it being singled out because he is a massive douche bag. I am sure baseball is full of players have used performance enhancers of some form. For the most part they did not break the rules of baseball. Only recently has MLB decided to make steroids illegal to use.
SandieK I must disagree with you. Bud Selig is a dummy. He let this happen to baseball. He pretended nothing was wrong when McGwire and Sosa were chasing down Maris's record becasue they were media friendly. Bonds is not and all of a sudden Selig has a problem. Bonds has become a scapegoat for the incompetence of the commissioners office.

[blackunicorn]

@DarthParadox- Thanks!

@PokerWolf- Clearly we're not talking about Humboldt Crabs games, which are famous for their drunken idiots. It's part of the charm.