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35 posts from April 2008

my friends are funny!

If you're one of the lucky people who got to see Earnest Borg9, or you ever came to see me at ACME, you got to watch Chris MacKenzie, one of my favorite people in the world, show off his funny pants.

I don't have time for sketch any more (which breaks my heart and a little bit of me dies every time I laugh) but Chris (known as CMack to a very lucky and select few) does. He did an awesome short that's up right now at Funny or Die. It is entirely safe for work, so please to be watching:

Ah, sweet, sweet parody. How I love thee!

Oh, and let me share a behind-the-scenes secret with you: You know the locker room? That's backstage at ACME. Did you see the locker with the DOH sticker from Think Geek on it? That's my old locker. It's nice to see that I can still geek up the place a little bit.

awesome new geek gear is awesome (and expensive)

Wiimotelinks I think I've found just the thing to go with my 8-bit tie: Wiimote cufflinks!

I showed them to my friend who said: Oh man, that's so gre-- ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS?!

Well, yeah, there is that.

Radio Free Burrito Episode X

Holy crap! It's a new episode of Radio Free Burrito!

This is another music episode, focusing on three styles I really like: Rockabilly, Psychobilly, and Surf.

I found a ton of great artists on the podsafe music network, and I hope you enjoy the musical stylings they provide.

Show notes:

  • The logo was designed by WWdN:iX reader Marc, who asked that I not link to his "in progress" website. Thanks, Marc!
  • I had a good time with this one, though to be completely honest, I wasn't entirely comfortable with the sound of my own voice and I think that comes through a little bit.
  • I drop at least one F-bomb in this show, so you probably shouldn't listen to it around little kids, people with sensitive ears, or at work. Especially if you work in a daycare for kids with sensitive ears. (Hi, Norma!)
  • I didn't bother with chapters and all that for this one. It's been so long since I did one of these, I just needed to get my podcasting legs back and I didn't feel that it was worth the extra effort.
  • I played music from these awesome artists:
  • The show is 27.9MB and runs just over 30 minutes.
  • Radio Free Burrito is released under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 License.
  • Podshow wants me to say "Some of the music provided tonight from the PodShow Podsafe Music Network. Check it out at 'music.podshow.com'" I don't think I said those exact words in that exact order in the show, because I'm stupid and I just noticed that right this second. But I know they were all in there, and I'll be sure to say the fucking words correctly next time, Mister White.
  • Finally, I want to thank all the artists and labels who are participating in the podsafe music network. I hope this exposes your music to new listeners and you're all buying mansions and yachts before the next full moon.

If you can provide a mirror, let me know in the comments and I'll update this post.

Thanks for listening!

Download radio_free_burrito_10.mp3

MIRRORS
Radio Free Burrito Episode 10 from Nick B

Radio Free Burrito Episode 10 from Media Pundit

Radio Free Burrito Episode 10 from Craig Steffen

Torrents from our good friend Brian May:

High (orig):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/radio_free_burrito_episode_10.mp3.torrent

Low (mono, VBR bit rate range 0-24, 5.1 MB):
http://athena.unearthed.org/torrents/radio_free_burrito_episode_10-low.mp3.torrent

anne and wil's excellent new york adventure, part two

When we last left our heroes, your humble narrator had just gathered up his droogs for a little bit of the old ultraviolence a--

Oops. Sorry. Wrong humble narrator. Allow me to begin again.

When we last left our heroes, your humble narrator had just suggested a quick walk uptown to see the Flatiron building.

We headed back up fifth avenue toward midtown. It was starting to get dark, and we'd planned to meet up with Kathleen and Atom for snacks and drink, so we had time for just one more silly sight seeing thing I wanted to do.

"I really want to see the Flatiron building," I said.

"I really wish you wouldn't talk in hyperlinks," Anne said.

"Sorry. I'm a blogger. I can't help it."

"What's the Flatiron building?" She said.

"Oh, you'll recognize it as soon as you see it, " I said. "It's only about a fifteen minute walk from here."

I hate to disappoint everyone who was waiting for the hilarious joke about how it took an hour when I made a wrong turn and ended up looking into the Hudson, but the boring truth is that it really did take just about fifteen minutes to walk from Washington Square Park up fifth avenue to 22nd street.

The journey was not unpleasant, though I did notice an unsettling amount of big chain stores along the way. Maybe it's just me, but I'm getting really sick and tired of seeing the same twenty stores wherever I go. At least they left the buildings alone on 5th, though. In California they tear the historical buildings down and replace them with peach stucco boxes that invariably have a Subway, Jamba Juice and Old Navy in them.

A question for New Yorkers: What's with all the scaffolds? They seem as impermanent as the going out of business sales you used to see in the camera shops on Times Square before it was gentrified into a giant fucking mall.

By the time we'd made it to 22nd street, I'd gotten Anne accustomed to walking across a street when it was safe, rather than only when permitted by a stoplight. This is a significant achievement for a couple of California kids. Please send flowers and awards.

"Okay, we just have to walk up one more block, and then you'll totally recognize it," I said.

One block later, Anne said, "Hey! I totally recognize this building!"

"I know it's stupid to walk all the way up here just to look at a building with a funny shape," I said, "but since we never do authentically 'touristy' things, I thought this was a better plan than going to the Hard Rock."

We walked up into Madison Square a little bit, while I took some pictures. "Man, this is going to be called 'Wil's trip to New York where he took pictures of the Flatiron building." I said. I took a few more and added, "If I take many more, I think I'm officially stalking it."

(The pictures are meh, but I'm particularly proud of this one, with the crescent moon sort of hanging around and saying, "Hey! I'm the moon! Soy la Luna!")

I put the camera away, and we walked into Madison Square Park. It was just as exciting and vibrant as Washington Square Park, without all the damn construction. We particularly enjoyed all the dogs getting their dog park on, juxtaposed against the tons of people sitting on benches using the WiFi on their laptops and iPhones. Living in Los Angeles with a huge back yard, we totally take public outdoor spaces for granted -- and let's face it, most of our urban parks here are crummy and filled with hobos -- so it was cool to see so many people outside, enjoying them in the midst of the concrete jungle.

We meandered though the park and passed a couple in their mid-twenties, sitting together on a bench on what was most likely a pre-third date meeting. The energy and excitement between them was electric. Anne squeezed my hand a little tighter and said, "I love that I'm in New York with my husband."

"I love that too," I said. "I'm really glad we could make this trip."

Just then her phone chirped at her. "It's Kat and Atom," she said, "they want to meet up at Galaxy in a few minutes."

"You mean Galaxy?"

"I really hate it when you do that."

"At least I didn't do this," I said.

"You can't Rickroll me in real life, dummy." She said.

"Oh yeah? Ask me a question."

She sighed and put her hand on her hip. "What time is it?"

"'Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down never gonna --"

"Just stop it. This conversation isn't even happening. You're just making it up to amuse yourself."

It was true.

"How am I doing?"

"The real me would probably make a comment that's a lot funnier than anything you can come up with, and since you're putting words into my mouth anyway, I'm just going to say that you're handsome, suave and charming."

"Oh go on," I said.

"Also, when we get home, you should buy several classic game cabinets and put them in your office."

"You're the boss, dear," I said.

And that's exactly how it happened, I swear to jeebus.

Still more to come . . .

in which neil gaiman indirectly reassures me (again)

Since I declared that 2008 was the Year Wil Writes Lots of Fiction, I've been . . . well, I haven't exactly been writing a lot of fiction. I've been trying to write a lot of fiction, but -- okay, let's just stop there and acknowledge what a lot of you are thinking right now: "Do or do not. There is no try."

Yeah. About that. The X-wing? Totally not coming up out of the swamp for me.

More often than not, when I'm just making stuff up and writing it, I get self conscious and feel like I'm trying too hard. I've had a lot of success coming up with ideas and characters, but when I try to combine them into a narrative form, I get massive performance anxiety. A big problem for me is working on a story for several days, and then realizing, "Oh shit. I'm writing Quantum Leap." or "Motherfucker! This sure was interesting when it was called Enemy Mine."

There has been much cursing, kicking of small objects, gnashing of teeth, and not nearly enough actual, you know, writing.

Getting past my paralyzing fear that "this has already been done by some master writer and you're never going to be as good as him or her" will obviously have to happen sooner than later if I'm going to get any of these projects done, and I came across something on Neil Gaiman's blog this morning that, while not a magic wand to cure the problem, was definitely part of the eventual solution:

Genre fiction, as Terry Pratchett has pointed out, is a stew. You take stuff out of the pot, you put stuff back. The stew bubbles on.

If Terry Pratchett can say it, and Neil Gaiman can endorse it, than I guess I can give myself a little bit of a break, and not throw something out entirely when I realize that a scene or a character or something has been unconsciously inspired by something I've read and enjoyed.

I can't help but remember that Luke didn't lift the X-wing out on his own; he had to see Yoda do it before he believed it was possible, and even after he did, he never lifted it out on his own . . . I need to go think about that for a little while, possibly in a hollowed-out tree.

anne and wil's excellent new york adventure, part one

My friends Kathleen and Atom got married to each other last week, and Anne and I went to New York for their wedding.

It's the first time I've been to New York and the first time Anne and I have been able to go anywhere together for more than two days in forever, so I decided to keep business to a minimum while we were there (as it turns out, a lot of people I work with in various capacities live in Manhattan, and it would have been all-too-easy to end up with six hours of meetings a day.)

During the height of my "Hey, you're that guy on TV" years, I went to New York every couple of months for press events, meetings, and other PR-related things. I'm sure I went there for at least one Star Trek convention, but in my memory, New York, Philly, and Pittsburgh are all conflated and I couldn't tell you which was which.

(Hey! Want to know how to piss off everyone who lives in New York, Philly and Pittsburgh? Tell them you've been to their cities but can't tell them apart. Before you send in angry cards and letters, I don't mean the cities. I mean the conventions. In fact, I've done so many conventions in my life, it's a miracle that I can keep any of them separate from another in my brain, which I've tried so hard to kill with beer over the years.)

Anne and I were very excited to go to New York. We absolutely adore our friends, who are absolutely perfect for each other, and we were both tremendously excited to get some time away together in one of the coolest cities on the planet.

We took the Red Eye out of LAX, planning to grab some sleep on the plane so we could get the most out of the next day when we arrived.

Guess how that worked out? They don't call it the Red Eye for nothing.

Actually, it's pretty funny in retrospect: I'm reading a book that is magnificent. I won't tell you what it is, because you'd lose a lot of respect for me upon learning that I didn't read this book a decade -- or more -- ago. Suffice to say, it's one of the best I've ever read, and I'm well into the point in the book where I don't want to do anything except fall into it and keep reading.

Our flight took off at 11:40, and I read this particular book until about 2:30  Pacific time. We were supposed to land just before 8 Eastern time, so I forced myself to put the book down and get some sleep.

I reclined my seat to the maximum four degrees allowed, put on a silly eye mask, and settled in for a few hours of sleep.

That's when the turbulence started. Seriously! It was like the air was just waiting for me to close my eyes so it could start shaking the plane. Imagine that you're starting to fall asleep, and someone comes up and shakes your chair: "Hey! Wake up! Dude! Wake up!"

Yeah, it's hilarious now, but at the time? Not that funny.

So we don't sleep at all, sit in horrible morning rush hour traffic fro JFK to Manhattan, and finally get to take a little nap around 10.

"I don't want to sleep the entire day away," I said when we got into our hotel, "and end up so jet lagged I'm staying up all night and missing the days while we're here."

"Don't worry," Anne said, closing the curtains, "I'll only sleep for an hour or so, and then I'll wake you up."

Four hours later, we woke up, groggy but rested enough to go explore Manhattan a little bit.

First stop: food. We were staying at the W on Union Square, so we walked to Dojo West by NYU. I had a bowl of lentil soup with an awesome soy burger, and Anne had a tofu salad with this incredible soy ginger carrot dressing that was the size of Delaware. There was so much food, we had to share it and still couldn't eat it all. Total bill? About 17 bucks, which seems like a lot, but for the amount of food we got it really wasn't.

Like I said, I wanted to keep business to a minimum, so I used a simple criteria: I only set up business meetings with people who are close friends, so we could pretend it wasn't business (even though it really was.) Ha! Take that, uh, thing-that-needs-a-finger-wagging-from-Wil. (That doesn't make sense to me, either. Let's never speak of it again.)

The first business-but-not-really stop was at Rockstar games, so we could visit with my friend Lazlow, who is responsible for all the awesome audio, dialog and music in the Grant Theft Auto games. Lazlow and I met years ago when I was promoting Dancing Barefoot and he interviewed me for his radio show, The Technophile. We hit it off, and eventually Lazlow cast me as Richard Burns in San Andreas.

Now I'm sure you're wondering what business we could possibly have had to discuss, what with GTA IV about to ship and take over all of our lives in ways that not even Halo 3 and Rock Band could achieve.

Well, I'm kinda sorta, well, in GTA IV. It's not a huge part, but it's massively entertaining, and Lazlow wanted to show me how my character ended up looking and how all the work we did looked when it was all put together. I can't say anything specific about it, but in my totally objective opinion, it's awesome and will be the most memorable part of the game, probably spinning off a multi-billion dollar franchise of its own.

And the Rockstar offices? Sofa king cool. There's great music playing everywhere, lots of bikes, arcade cabinets, and tons of extremely focused people who care deeply about making sure the games they release are as awesome as they can possibly be. I saw a lot of stuff that I'd get thrown out of a helicopter for revealing, but I think I can safely admire how they've got an entire department dedicated to researching the cities, people, culture, and history of the places they set their games.

And Lazlow's dog is adorable, smart, supports Obama and followed us all over the building. Because every day at Rockstar is Bring Your Dog to Work Day.

The excitement for GTA IV's release was palpable, and so was the pressure everyone was obviously under as the street date draws near. We could have spent hours there, (I could have stayed in the research department alone for the rest of the day) but it was clear that there was lots of real work to be done, and we didn't want to overstay our welcome, so we thanked Lazlow for showing us around and headed back out into the city.

Next stop: Washington Square Park, which I didn't know was reduced by 50% because they're doing some massive renovation on the whole thing. I haven't been there in over a decade, but the stuff I loved about it back then: the students, the various musicians, the dog walkers and the weirdoes were still there. We passed a bebop jazz duo, stopped to listen to a different jazz quartet and watched some film students screw light bulbs into the dirt beneath a tree (I hope they were filming in black and white, and the finished cut has a clown flipping pancakes before it says fin and fades to black.) We saw tons of families playing with their kids, students playing frisbee, religious nuts squawking about their particular flavor of Armageddon. It was like the city had managed to temporarily cut the park in half, but didn't reduce any of the things that made it a weird and wonderful place to visit.

We headed back up fifth avenue toward midtown. It was starting to get dark, and we'd planned to meet up with Kathleen and Atom for snacks and drink, so we had time for just one more silly sight seeing thing I wanted to do.

"I really want to see the Flatiron building," I said.

"I really wish you wouldn't talk in hyperlinks," Anne said.

"Sorry. I'm a blogger. I can't help it."

"What's the Flatiron building?" She said.

"Oh, you'll recognize it as soon as you see it, " I said. "It's only about a fifteen minute walk from here."

More later . . .

See me at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books

As I mentioned in the Great Geek Tour of 2008 post, I'll be appearing at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books on Sunday, April 27. The festival is at UCLA (go Bruins!) and runs all weekend.

If you'd like to meet me, shower me with praise and tell me how charming and suave I am, here are some details I just got from Mysterious Galaxy, who are letting me ghetto up their booth:

Booth #614
Dickson Court North
2:00 PM Sunday April 27

Authors: Charlie Huston, Kevin J. Anderson, Rebecca Moesta and Wil Wheaton

Signings will last approximately 50 - 55 minutes.

All three of my books will be available, and there will be punch and pie.

(There will actually be no punch or pie.)

Gorgeous Tiny Chickens, Batman, and the Happiest Media Kit

I guess it's appropriate that I'm a computer geek, because I have a very binary lifestyle: my level of work is either 0 or 1, with nothing in between.

I'm currently set to 1, so my time to post is very limited (though I've been using Twitter like crazy, because it's fast, immediate, and portable.)

However, I wanted to take a moment and share three things for your pleasurable enjoying.

1. I did an episode of Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show last week. I don't know when it will be released, but I saw an edit of it last night that is hilarious.

2. I got permission from James Tucker, producer of Batman: The Brave and the Bold, to tell the world that I worked on the show Monday. I can't say anything about the content of the episode or the character I play -- apparently, it's a Darth Vader-is-his-father kind of secret -- but it was massively fun, and since I'm one of the world's biggest Batman Geeks, it was kind of a dream come true.

3. I can't believe how many orders of Happiest Days were recently placed! I guess I should run out of printings more frequently. Many of you asked for a media kit, like the one I did for Dancing Barefoot. Well, here's the Happiest Days of Our Lives media kit. Please download it and use it; it's under a Creative Commons license, so I encourage you to get crazy go nuts with it.

Shit. The robots are crawling all over the lab again. I have to get back to work.

the secret life of wheatons

And now, via reprinted text messages, a glimpse into the private lives of a geek, his wife, and their son:

Anne: Michelle was late, so I'm going to be at work longer than I thought. See you guys sometime around 9.

Me: Somehow, someway, between Battlestar Galactica, NHL playoffs, and Rock Band, we will find the strength to survive until you make it home.

For the record, it was Battlestar Galactica. BSG pre-dates TiVo in our house, so we've been DVD viewers until this season. TiVo is storing season 4 for us while we devour -- and thoroughly enjoy -- season 3. Also for the record, Nolan and I survived just fine until Anne got home. So say we all.

more excellence in journalism

In a review the Sarah Jane Adventures, Tod Emko at UGO writes:

So, children's show, yes. Has young teens in it, yes. Yet, a show you may actually want to watch, despite your probable hatred for Wil Wheaton-type characters through the years. It's definitely one of the most intelligent shows for kids you'll ever see, and if you can't get enough of the Doctor's universe, this will give you a decent fix.

Well. Glad he liked the show, and is encouraging teenagers to watch intelligent programming; we certainly need more of that to act as a counterbalance on Hanna Montana. But I feel compelled to point something out that is apparently lost on Tod Emko-like writers: I didn't invent that type of character. I just played one of them for a few seasons. Twenty years ago. Using my name as a pejorative in this case isn't just profoundly offensive to me, it's profoundly inaccurate.

Despite my probable hatred of Tod Emko-like writers through the years, though, I'm totally going to do Tod Emko-like writers a solid here: Hey guys! Send your resumes to Entertainment Weekly; they love your style.

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The Happiest Days of Our Lives

  • These are the stories Wil loves to tell, because they are the closest to his heart: stories about being a huge geek, passing his geeky hobbies and values along to his own children, and vividly painting what it meant to grow up in the ’70s and come of age in the ’80s as part of the video game/D&D/BBS/Star Wars figures generation.

Buy Just A Geek: The Audiobook

  • "This journey is a fascinating read, made even more intimate and fulfilling by Wil's narrative. This is not just an audio book, it's a glimpse into the psyche of the man who considers himself . . . Just a Geek."

    Read more details here.

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