Elizabeth Bear's doing a series of posts where she shares things she overheard at WisCon. They're all pretty awesome, but this one is TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME:
12.) R'lyehan tourist phrasebook:
Help. I am being devoured by your octopus.
My species does not breathe water.
No thank you. I do not wish a fungus.
I'm sorry, no. I have claustrophobia.
You seem to have a frog in your throat.
You seem to have a frog in your soup.
You seem to have a frog in your pants.
Would you like a lemon drop?
(from Overheard at WisCon)