I'm a little freaked out about playing in the Main Event tomorrow, especially after a really lousy performance in the last World Series event I played a week ago.
But "a little freaked out" is much better than "entirely freaked out" as I was about five hours ago.
What changed?
Silencing the Voice of Self-doubt
There are countless parallels between acting and poker tournaments, and there are a lot of feelings that come with them both that I'm not crazy about, but there's also this thing that I've had to learn to do my best in auditions: I prepare as much as I can, and have to just let everything else go. All that stuff I have to prove to myself and other
people? Just let it go and do the best I can do, without regard to results. The enormous pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Sure, I'd like to get it, but it's a long journey to get there, and I'd hate to waste the walk because I'm overly focused on the destination.As a writer, I'm always looking for the story; I'm also always looking for symbolism and meaning where it may not always be obvious to anyone else. When I got back here and saw that 800 words of anxiety and self doubt were all gone, I found my story, and I found my "A" game, too.
I'll get to try it out in about 12 hours.
I turn 34 on Saturday, and I asked to play on day 1A because I didn't want to play poker on my birthday. I realized this afternoon that if I make it to Day 2, I'll certainly be playing past midnight, so now I'm actually hoping that I am playing poker on my birthday, or at least at the beginning of it.
There will be updates at the official PokerStars blog all day tomorrow, so check there after noon pacific time if you want to see how I'm doing.
