everything you need to know about teenagers

This morning, Nolan walked from the nearly-empty fridge to the nearly-empty pantry.

"We don't have any food," he said.

"I know," I said. "I didn't have time to get to the store over the weekend. I'll go today while you're at school."

Just now, Nolan walked from a jam-packed fridge to the jam-packed pantry, filled with the result of a $300 trip to the store while he was at school.

"We don't have any food," he said.

"Are you serious?" I said.

"Uh, no." He deadpanned, "but I have too many options, now."

My head asplode.