The Swayze is a dude who knows how to do things

My weekly copy of The Onion arrived this morning, and contained within was this gem, which has taken a spot in my top five favorite AV Club features of all time:

The Way of the Swayze: How to be a Thoughtful Hunk
For a good long stretch in the late '80s and early '90s, Patrick Swayze was the go-to guy for Hollywood casting agents looking for a rugged action hero with heart and soul—deep, but not too deep. Whole websites and mini-cults have sprung up around Swayze's Road House character, a philosophy major with a Zen-like understanding of when to fight and when to "be nice." But Road House is just one tile in Swayze's mosaic of manhood. Below are some key quotes that outline how anyone can become the dancin'-est, truckin'-est, surfin'-est tough guy on the block. How to be, in essence, "The Swayze."

This is one of the reasons I loved writing for the AV Club: we weren't just allowed to do stuff like this, it was encouraged. This is my kind of humor: It's obscure, but if you're of a certain age or cultural flaven, you can instantly relate to it. It's from the Joel Hodgson school of comedy, which advises writers to not ask, "will anyone get this?" but instead declare, "the right people will get this!" Also, "Some eye creatures are born with scaly protective covering."

Or, as The Swayze would say, "Feel what the wave is doing, then accept its energy."