I woke up this morning and for the first time since I provided experimental proof of the First Law of Motion, I wasn't in any pain or discomfort.
"Oh good," I thought, "Things are looking up! Maybe I won't have to load myself up with stupid painkillers today!"
I got out of bed, grabbed a cup of coffee and a seat at the dining room table, and checked my e-mail.
There were some nice notes from readers about Happiest Days and the audio version of Just A Geek. There wasn't any spam.
I was feeling good. Damn good. I was thinking about maybe even heading down to the park for a gentle swim in the pool . . . and that's when without warning, I was hit by one of the biggest sneezes I think I've ever had in my life. I didn't have time to grab a pillow, I didn't have time to splint myself. All I could do was reflexively cover my face with my hand to catch the scream.
I felt and heard the pop in my side, down low where my doctor had shown me the break on my xray last week. My back immediately went into a spasm as my body made an effort - just a few seconds too late - to immobilize the affected area.
Nolan poked his head into the room.
"Are you okay?"
"No," I said in my best Marcellus Wallace voice, "I'm pretty far from okay." In my head, I added the "muthafukkin" that Pulp Fiction quoting purists are currently sucking their teeth at me for leaving out.
I slowly stood up and went to the kitchen. I shoveled a bunch of cereal into my face and took the pain medication I've been wanting so desperately to get off for the last few days.
I tried to bend down to pet my dog, and learned a rather painful lesson about getting crazy ideas in my head about doing silly things like trying to bend down to pet my dog with a broken rib.
This all happened about 45 minutes ago. The pain meds are starting to kick in, which means that it's really in my best interest to get offline and go watch more Olympics as the stupid sets in.
Until I return, please enjoy the following clip, which has been on my mind for the last ten days:
"Oh good," I thought, "Things are looking up! Maybe I won't have to load myself up with stupid painkillers today!"
I got out of bed, grabbed a cup of coffee and a seat at the dining room table, and checked my e-mail.
There were some nice notes from readers about Happiest Days and the audio version of Just A Geek. There wasn't any spam.
I was feeling good. Damn good. I was thinking about maybe even heading down to the park for a gentle swim in the pool . . . and that's when without warning, I was hit by one of the biggest sneezes I think I've ever had in my life. I didn't have time to grab a pillow, I didn't have time to splint myself. All I could do was reflexively cover my face with my hand to catch the scream.
I felt and heard the pop in my side, down low where my doctor had shown me the break on my xray last week. My back immediately went into a spasm as my body made an effort - just a few seconds too late - to immobilize the affected area.
Nolan poked his head into the room.
"Are you okay?"
"No," I said in my best Marcellus Wallace voice, "I'm pretty far from okay." In my head, I added the "muthafukkin" that Pulp Fiction quoting purists are currently sucking their teeth at me for leaving out.
I slowly stood up and went to the kitchen. I shoveled a bunch of cereal into my face and took the pain medication I've been wanting so desperately to get off for the last few days.
I tried to bend down to pet my dog, and learned a rather painful lesson about getting crazy ideas in my head about doing silly things like trying to bend down to pet my dog with a broken rib.
This all happened about 45 minutes ago. The pain meds are starting to kick in, which means that it's really in my best interest to get offline and go watch more Olympics as the stupid sets in.
Until I return, please enjoy the following clip, which has been on my mind for the last ten days:
