WWdN: In Exile

in which we are bound to the land, and the land is bound to us

I'm recovering HP and mana today by constructing a Vampire/Artifact deck for Magic: The Gathering. While opening boosters earlier, I came across a card in Zendikar called Landbind Ritual. It's a sorcery card that gives you two life for each plains card you control, and it has one of the most beautiful flavor texts I've ever read:

"Honor this place, for our children's children will stand here and speak these same words again." - Ayli, Kamsa cleric.

I would love it if this card was handed out to every person who visited a national park or unspoiled wilderness area. I would love it even more if people would speak these words to their children ... and truly mean them.

The Cooper-Hofstadter Coffee Table Proof

(Image by me. Click to embiggen. Please link to this post if you reuse it.)

As I walked from the comic shop set down to the bowling alley set today, I passed the set for Leonard and Sheldon's apartment, which is in the center of the stage. I gawked at it the way you do when you're a fan of the show and can't believe you're actually close enough to actually walk through it, and my eyes fell on the coffee table. I saw a lot of things that could have been on my own coffee table, so I decided to grab a picture (those are my Chucks in the lower right corner.)

I took this picture because this is more than just a nifty glimpse behind the scenes. This is an example of the attention to detail that is everywhere on every set of The Big Bang Theory. It would be really easy to just toss a few random magazines and soda cans there, because it's very unlikely that they'll ever be seen in this much detail, but at every level of production, they make a concerted effort to ensure that everything is authentic. I mean, how many of you looked at this and thought, "Hey, that could be my coffee table!" I see a lot of hands going up, and that's why I took this snap.

Notes on the Wheaton Recurrence - Day Two

Bill Prady revealed the title of this episode on Twitter earlier today, so I guess that means I can also reveal it, and perhaps explain why I nearly required medical attention when I opened up the script and saw it.

So it was another awesome day on the set of The Big Bang Theory. We rehearsed the show again this morning, and then we had our first run through for the producers after lunch. This first run through can be really stressful for some actors (including a rookie version of me) because we haven't had a lot of time with the script to get comfortable with the dialog, work out all the comedy beats, and settle on final blocking. I mean, we've only really run it once, and it can feel like putting on an incomplete performance or doing an underprepared audition for people you really want need to make happy.

I've done several run throughs (seven, total, over two episodes) while working on The Big Bang Theory, though, and it hasn't been stressful at all. In fact, it's been a whole lot of fun, and very informative to me as an actor. See, at some point in the last ten years or so, I realized that the writers and producers are working it out just as much as we are, and that they want it to be awesome just as much as we do; this is why we do the run throughs every day until we tape. Knowing this takes a lot of the pressure off for me.

Of course, it helps that the script is very good from the first draft we get. It helps that all the actors are incredibly professional, dedicated, friendly, and easy to get along with. It helps a lot to have a phenomenal director and a crew that seems to be one step ahead of us all day. When the writers and producers arrive, it helps that they know they're making a great show, so they're confident, relaxed, speak with a clear and unified voice, and give specific notes to make our performances better, instead of just giving notes for the sake of giving notes (which has happened to me in the past - not on this show - and was really frustrating, especially when I got five conflicting notes that were just given for the sake of giving them. Yes, I was expected to apply them all, yes, I tried, and yes, we ended up throwing them all out by the time we taped.) 

Anyway, the schedule for the first five days of production is pretty much the same: we work all morning with the director (Mark Cendrowski, in this case, who is awesome), show the writers and producers where we are in the afternoon, get notes, apply notes, and do it all over the following day.

So, like I said, for a lot of actors, the daily run through can be stressful. Indeed it was for me when I was young and less experienced. However, I've come to embrace it as an opportunity to not only make my performance better, but to learn a lot about writing and performing comedy by listening and paying close attention to the notes the writers and producers give all the actors, not just to me.

I wish I'd figured this out when I was a younger actor, because I would have been a better actor if I had: there is XP all over the place when we're on the set, just waiting for us to collect it and level. So, actors, listen to me now: When you're on the set, be on the set. Pay attention to everything that's going on around you, because you will constantly be presented with opportunities to learn about and perfect your craft. If you're lucky like me and get to work with some of the best in the business, you're learning from some of the best in the business!

I know that I - and a lot of other people - would pay a lot of money to listen to Chuck Lorre and Bill Prady and Lee Aronsohn give a seminar on how to write and perform comedy for television. While we were getting notes today, I realized how lucky I am to be on their set, working on their show, learning from them and getting paid to do it.

Seriously. Awesome.

no mee maws were harmed in the writing of this post

Walking into the stage this morning felt very different than last time. I knew where to go, I knew who to look for, and my stomach butterflies were pure excitement, without the nerves I had during The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary.

From the moment I parked my car, I felt like I'd come back ... well, not home, exactly, but back to camp, or back to school, I guess. There's a story about that on today's Radio Free Burrito 23, which I just released; it's only 12 minutes long, and I think you should listen to it because I made it JUST FOR YOU. 

All day long, the cast and crew made me feel like I was part of their family who they didn't get to see very often, even though I've only been there once before. It was really neat to feel like they were as excited to have me back on the show as I was to be there. I really am a lucky guy.

It was a relaxed day, which I bet is nice for the regulars because they taped a show last night. We started with a table read of the episode (which was hilarious) and then spent the rest of the day running the episode. Just like last time, this is the part of the process where we're making very rough pencil sketches on a sketchpad; we haven't even begun to think about picking out paint and brushes for the final canvas ... but that will happen very quickly, probably by the middle of the day tomorrow, because we only have seven working days to take this from a bunch of creative people sitting around a table reading it to an actual show that goes out to millions of people on the magic talking box thingy. 

...Wow, I just freaked myself out. It's better not to think of it that way. Quick, get the Men in Black flashy gizmo!

Ahh, that's better. So, I was talking about Ping Pong, right? Well, I didn't get to play a full game of Ping Pong today, but I got to rally with Kunal for a little bit, and I didn't feel like I was playing with duck's feet for hands and a coke bottle for a paddle, so I'm looking forward to providing the sort of challenge a speedbump gives a monster truck when we play a real game tomorrow.

I want to be exactly the right kind of evil when we rehearse tomorrow, so I'm off to work on Evil Wil Wheaton's scenes. Seriously, go listen to the Burrito. You'll be glad you did.

The Who's Baba O'Reily, played using only items from Think Geek.

I watched this while trying to drink my coffee this morning.

I say "trying" because I just sat here with my mouth hanging open until the whole thing was over. This is pure brilliance. 

Anyway, it seems appropriate to share this as I'm going out the door to start work on The Big Bang Theory:

 (Seen on Reddit)

this post brought to you by wil's lizard brain

You know about the Blue Car Syndrome, right? It says that when you buy a blue car, you suddenly start seeing blue cars everywhere. It doesn't mean that there are actually more blue cars than before, it just means that you're more aware of them.

About a month ago, I read something about The Lizard Brain. It suggested that humans have this part of our psyche that is so risk-averse, so focused on survival, it will actively work to prevent you from doing something you think is risky - even something you really want to do, like starting a business or writing a novel or doing something creative.

Since I read that, I've seen lots of authors and bloggers talking about The Lizard Brain, and I've become keenly aware of my own Lizard Brain as I work on the keynote for PAX East. It really needs to be done in about 21 days (at least 5 of which are going to be unavailable to me because I'm working on Big Bang Theory) and it isn't nearly as close to completion as I want. As you can imagine, panic and deadline pressure are rising like mental floodwaters, and that's not the most productive mental state for writing an interesting and entertaining speech. Well, played, Lizard Brain. I see what you did there.

The bad part of this is that I keep getting stalled and frustrated while I attempt to find the spine upon which I need to attach and connect the various parts of my keynote address. The good part of this is that my brain keeps blocking me from writing the keynote by coughing up some of the most interesting short story ideas I've had in months. In an effort to take the good with the bad and walk away with a net positive (awesome keynote and some cool short stories), I've been working on the keynote during the day, and then unwinding by working on the shorts. Working on the shorts has become my daily reward, in other words; it's really good motivation.

This is where I'd quote a little bit of the short I've been working on, but I've learned that doing that before it's finished, even if it's only a dozen words, completely aborts the writing process. I like this story too much to even risk not finishing it, so in place of a quote, I'll draw an ASCII dong: 8=====D

This is where I wrap this up with a concluding paragraph that hopefully elevates this post from mildly-interesting reading to something useful: When you're working on something that terrifies the Lizard Brain into action, don't panic! Acknowledge what it's trying to do, accept that it's part of the hardware, and write a software patch to work around it. It doesn't have to be a bug; it can be a feature.

Edited to add: I couldn't recall all the places I read about The Lizard Brain, but in the comments here, Nathaniel S. reminded me:

Seth Godin has just released a book entitled Linchpin that explores ways to both soothe and overcome the lizard brain. There's a fantastic interview/conversation between him and Merlin Mann on the subject over at 43 Folders. It's a tad long, but very worth it.

http://www.43folders.com/2010/01/26/godin-linchpin

It also includes a video of Godin talking about the lizard brain and "the resistance" and how innovative and creative people can break through it to get stuff done, or "ship" as he puts it. 

I'm not surprised at all that this came to me via Seth Godin, because I read his blog every day. His book Purple Cow is the foundation of my marketing and business philosophy, and Merlin Mann's ... well, everything, is inspiring to me. To be clear: I wasn't making an effort to not credit Seth; I just forgot where my recent Lizard Brain thoughts originated.

Your Saturday Moment of Zen.

I don't like to work on the weekends if I can help it, but I'm doing Big Bang Theory all next week, and this keynote isn't going to write itself while I'm off being Evil Wil Wheaton, so here I am.

When I write something, especially something this important, I spend most of my time letting ideas incubate and grow (which to an outside observer looks an awful lot like I'm goofing off) broken up by intense periods of writing a few hundred words at a time, staying as many steps ahead of the "this sucks" demon as I can. I also have to take breaks fairly regularly to keep my mind from going all HAL-9000 on me, and a silly post like this one is perfect for accomplishing that particular goal at this very moment.

So ... check out this nifty image:

This came from one of those spam blogs that just keyword scrapes the tubes for everything it can find on a topic and then automatically generates posts that sound like a possessed child when read aloud. 

I'm guessing that Parsons' phot car was some kind of magic device that traveled around the Midwest in the early 20th century, selling snake oil and little photo cards. This particular picture was snapped right before the subject bought eighteen ounces of liquid heroin tonic ("GUARANTEED TO CALM EVEN THE MOST NERVOUS OF WOMEN OR YOUR MONEY BACK!")  for the princely sum of five cents. It looks like it was taken in Danville, Illinois, which is about 200 miles away from Wheaton, Illinois, and I suspect that the 'bot what powers this particular blog put "Wheaton" (as in me) and "Parsons" (as in Jim Parsons) together when the Big Bang news hit the wires, and somehow it landed on this picture. Or maybe it wasn't anything like this, and the whole thing is a coded message I left in the future for my current self to find, which makes me want to ask Future Me why I couldn't have just sent myself a nice letter that was easy to understand ... unless .... OMG FUTURE ME IS IN ROBOT PRISON IN DANVILLE AND ONLY BE FREED IF ME AND JIM PARSONS DRESS UP LIKE DANDY BOYS FROM THE 1900s AND MOUNT A RESCUE!

Okay, Future Me. I hear you, and I'm coming to save you ... just as soon as I race over to Jim's house, pick him up, convince him to come with me, and then build a time machine, you idiot. Way to send the message to the wrong version of us in the past, stupid. JEEZE!

Um. Right. So...

The page where I found this image had a bunch of stuff related to my name, so it tripped my google alert yesterday. When I looked at the site, I was quite amused to see this picture, which was titled “Evil Wil Wheaton Bible”. Because, really, who doesn't want an evil bible named after them and represented by a picture that isn't apparently evil or biblical? I was equally amused to see several anti-spam software advertisements surrounding the scraped content.

Okay, I think I've amused myself just enough to recover the mana I needed to cast Keep Writing Keynote, so I'm going to get back to it before They're All Going To Laugh At You has its next turn.

Evil Wil Wheaton returns to The Big Bang Theory

Well, it's official. Evil Wil Wheaton is going back to The Big Bang Theory! 

From TV Guide Magazine:

Geeks everywhere will be happy hear that Star Trek star Wil Wheaton will be returning to hang out with TV’s hippest nerds on The Big Bang Theory.

“We were very excited when Wil Wheaton appeared as Sheldon’s nemesis, and right now we’re looking to see if he can come back to give Sheldon an opportunity to settle the score,” Executive Producer and Co Creator Bill Prady announced to TV Guide Magazine when the Academy of Televisions Arts and Sciences hosted an Evening With the Big Bang Theory on February 18th. "Fingers crossed that we can do that, I think an arch enemy is someone who appears from time to time."

Even though my personal motto is Don't Be A Dick, I've wanted to play an arch enemy for pretty much my entire career, and I love that Bill described me that way, because I was kind of hoping I'd earn that position in the Big Bang canon.

I've known this was a possibility for just over a week, (coincidentally, I found out the day after I did my Big Bang Theory Q&A post) but didn't get the official offer until this morning. 

After my manager called casting back and confirmed, I called Bill to thank him for bringing me back. He sort of chuckled, and asked me if I wanted to know what their plan for the episode was before I accepted the offer to come back. I told him, "You could have me do nothing more than eat Chapstick the entire episode, and I'd come work for you again, because I had so much fun last time."

He then told me what the episode is about. I'm not revealing any details, but it's safe to say that it's a lot more awesome than just eating Chapstick.

I start work on the 24th, and we tape on the 2nd, if you wanted to try to get tickets to the show.

I'm going to go do the Snoopy dance until I fall down, now.

in which w00tstock 2.0 and 2.0.1 are announced

When we did w00tstock 1.x last year, we all hoped it would be successful enough to warrant taking the show on the road to some of our favorite cities.

Well, w00tstock 1.x was so much fun for us and the audiences who saw it, it didn't just warrant it, it WINGER'd it. Hell, it may even have Damn Yankees'd it or Skid Row'd it ... or Whitesnake'd it.

Whatever gloriously awful 80s hair band reference amuses you the most, the point is this: w00tstock 2.x is coming to Seattle and Portland in May:

This is the dawning of the Age of Geekdom–and its voices will ring true at w00tstock.

w00tstock v2.0: Friday, May 7 – Moore Theater, Seattle, WA (tickets available soon)
Special Guests: TBA

w00tstock v2.0.1: Saturday, May 8 – The Alladin, Portland, OR (tickets available soon)
Special Guests: TBA

So if you live in Seattle or Portland areas, go get your tickets now. If you don’t, then tell all your friends who do live there to go; because if these do well enough, we hope to do more of them! Go forth, geeks, and spread the good word!

Here's everything you ever wanted to know about w00tstock. Here's my recollection of the awesome w00tstock 1.x experience (a post so filled with awesome, it required an addendum. AN ADDENDUM, PAUL!) Finally, if you need to convince your non-geek boyfriend that you guys really will have fun at the show, you can show him a whole big mess of w00tstock videos.

Please note that all spelling and version-numbering errors are copied from the original source, my good friends Paul and Storm, who I have just thrown under the geekbus. Nyahh. Nyahh. Nyahh.

I am delivering the inaugural keynote at PAX East

I just realized that I mentioned this on Twitter over a week ago, and it's been on a lot of the gaming sites, but I never actually carved out a little hunk of blog-o-state to mention...

I am giving the inaugural keynote address to PAX East in Boston on March 26th. 

I've been working on my keynote, which involves throwing away about five words for every one I keep, every day for a couple weeks. I know I'm getting close to having a zero draft to start rewriting and perfecting, because my brain's been waking me up several times a night for the last five or six days to give me a great idea that can go into one section or another.

When Robert Khoo offered me the keynote, my first thought was, "No fucking way. The 2007 PAX Prime keynote was the best speech I've ever given in my life. There is no way I can top that, or even equal it."

"I need to think about it for a couple of days," is what I said, though. I mean, it would have been silly to just pass on it without even trying to come up with something, right?

So the first thing I did was accept that the 2007 Prime address was a perfect storm of timing and delivery and hard work. I was never going to top that, so I wasn't even going to try. If I did this keynote - the inaugural keynote for PAX East, no less - I would just have to give it permission to be its own thing, and accept that the 2007 keynote is something awesome that's in the background.

That simple acceptance took a lot of weight off of my shoulders, and an idea began to come together. I remember walking out into the back yard that afternoon, where Anne was playing with our dog. "I can totally do this," I said.

"Well, thanks, but I think I have it covered," she said, tossing this thing that started life as a knotted rope toward the back wall for our dog to chase.

"Oh. Right. I forgot that you weren't part of the conversation I was having in my head. I mean, I can totally do this keynote. I have an idea."

In my head, I heard Captain Sternn say, "Take it easy, Charlie. I've got an angle..." and hoped that the ultimate conclusion of my plans would be a little less ... explosive.

I told her what I wanted to do with my keynote, then I got on the phone with my friend and editor Andrew and told him. Andrew is a geek like me, and Anne is a geek-adjacent normal person. They both give me honest feedback about my crazy ideas, so when they both thought it was a solid plan from their different perspectives, I decided to accept the invitation.

I called Robert and told him my idea. He thought it was a good idea, and we ended the conversation sort of like this:

Me: Yeah, so I totally want to do this. I think it will be awesome.

Robert: I'll see you in Boston, then.

Me: Awesome.

Robert: Awesome.

Incidentally, I appear to have a class feature which gives all members of my party +5 to saying awesome.

I hung up the phone, and about five seconds elapsed before the panic set in. "What have I done? What have I gotten myself into? I can't do this! I suck! They're all going to laugh at me!"

Ah, the panic. Years ago, it would have paralyzed me, but I've done this long enough to recognize that it's just part of my creative process. Now I can actually use it to get me to the next step, which is I suck, followed by this is stupid, before eventually arriving at hey, this is actually pretty cool.

As I said, I've been working on this night and day, pretty much exclusively, for about three weeks. I'm trying to take breaks to write other things, record RFB, and maintain progress on Memories of the Future Volume 2, but it's incredibly difficult to take my brain off the task at hand. Part of my brain obviously needs to vent pressure, though, because every day I'm adding something new to my little book of story ideas. When this is all over, I may even be able to turn some of them into actual stories.

I'm not looking forward to I suck and this is stupid, but I know that hey, this is actually pretty cool, is on the horizon, and I'm not going to lie to you, Marge: I'm very excited to finish writing my keynote, and even more excited to deliver it.

See you in Boston. 

Awesome.